Tag Archives: Toddlers & Tiaras

‘Love in the Wild’ Episode 2 Recap: A Match Made in Jungle Heaven.

Note: For some reason, you can’t get pictures off of NBC’s site. So I apologize in advance for the lame pics. 

So summer TV has been pretty bleak for me this week. I literally had nothing to watch until Wednesday at 10 pm, at which point I had everything to watch: Love in the Wild, The Challenge: Rivals AND Toddlers & Tiaras. What is a girl to do?

I’ve decided to go with the network fare first, so Love in the Wild it is. I’m also quite happy that I will be heading home to a full DVR and not re-runs of Flipping Out and Million Dollar Decorators (or whatever else Bravo is showing these days).

The adventure begins with a derigeur montage. Let me start by saying that a montage narrated by an Aussie is much better than a standard montage. Also a montage with hot tub scenes from the first episode is always a good sign. Although, I will say from the start that this week’s episode left me with a ‘meh’ feeling. I’m glad last week’s episode was a bit better but I am hopeful that Love in the Wild can hit its stride once the number of contestants goes down a little bit.

Nine Couples remain. Let’s get wild.

Ben - is that you?

Since almost everyone switched partners last week, the episode kicks off with the awkward moving out scenes. The bimbos pack up their halter tops and dudes wad up their tight tees and head on over to their new rooms. During the switch, Ben pretty much sums up his life by saying, “Some girls would say I’m the nicest guy ever. Some girls would say I’m the biggest dick they’ve ever met.” Agreed Ben. What I want to know is the ratio of nice guy: dick. I am going to say 90:10. He kind of reminds me of a grown-up Bobby from “Bobby’s World” the seminal 90′s cartoon voiced by reality-tv judge Howie Mandel. This resemblance creeps me out and any part of me that was going to give him a chance, is now too scared to comment.

A lot of these couples have barely spoken, so what better way to get to know someone than to share a be with them on the first night. I believe in college this is called a night at the bars.

Fun things we learn during the move – the black guy turned out to the be the surfer dude. I totally had the Geico caveman pegged as the surfer but once Jason said he was “stoked” about sharing his room with Erica, he locked that up. I’m also pretty sure that Erica may be a little crazy and that Vanessa is, for sure, A LOT crazy.

This is confirmed when she says, “I think Steele and I are the best matched couple. He’s tall dark and handsome and I look like a cross between a fat cat and an old Eva Longoria.” Okay, so maybe she didn’t say that last part but the majority of that is straight from the cat’s mouth.  She takes it over the line when she tells us that she wants two boys and a girl (in that order, in case you were wondering)  and it would be great to have that with someone like Steele. COOO KOOO.

Now on the important stuff, hanging in the hot tub. As desperation steams off the jacuzzi, Steele discovers why the season fall is so named. This bit of knowledge he drops on Kym clearly knocks her socks (or top – but that’s later) off.  Her clear amazement gives us a look into how dumb she actually is. I’m just hoping (for their sake) that the hot water is messing with their brains (Wishful thinking, I know). How this guy is a professional anything amazes and frightens me at the same time.

Adventure Time. Bridge Maze.

Me Caveman. Me Likey.

I’m going to take a quick break from mocking to tell you all how much I adore this host. Darren is no-nonsense. He lets the contestants know that if they fall to their deaths in the bridge maze (is this a real possibility?) that they can die as a couple. This is because they will be tied together. See this is the kind of honesty I’ve been looking for in reality TV (also the kind of treatment I’ve been expecting for the contestants. Wait what? They won’t fall to their death. aw hell.)

Basically, I think the producers just think of ways to get these couples to annoy the shit out of each other. Here’s an idea. Let’s tether them together and make them climb all kinds of crazy high bridges and then let’s make it a maze and not give them maps. And finally…. we’ll make them race! I can just see them all sitting around a table nodding proudly in agreement.

If the couple can accomplish all of this without gouging their partner’s eyes out, they get to spend a night in the fantasy suite (or whatever they call it on this show).

This whole adventure kind of bored me. So here is a bulleted re-cap:

  • Team Kym/Adam are seriously made for this show. He has a giraffe neck and she has monkey ears. They are a perfect pair.
  • Jason and Erica are NOT a perfect pair. He is polite, friendly and mildly normal. She is bossy, easily annoyed and bitchy. Woof.
  • Brandee is Peyton from Bachelor Pad’s long-lost sister.
  • Ben sucks.
  • Derek is a big scaredy cat (and screams like a little girl) and Jessica is a sassy, nonsense broad. I like her.
  • Vanessa continues her quest to be the craziest cat lady on reality tv. She also compares Steele to Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde. Yup, she for real said that.
  • Vanessa and Steele are no longer in love (in Vanessa’s imaginative mind). Their 2 day long love-story is officially over.
  • Skip is tight and cool. Mostly because he knows he is all brawn and no brains (his words not mine). I appreciate his honesty.
  • Peter is 100% Geico Caveman.
  • Kym should not wear her hair in a ponytail. Ever.

Bats & Bimbos

So the jungle bunnies Kym and Kyle win the race. The rest of the jokesters fall in line somewhere behind them with Vanessa and Steele bringing up the rear.

Kym and Kyle head off to the fantasy suite while the rest of the group heads back to camp.  At the fantasy suite, Kym and Kyle decide to dress up for dinner which translates to slut as “so you’re saying there’s a chance.”

At dinner these two find out they have absolutely nothing in common. She likes dogs (I still contend that yorkies should really count as dogs) while Kyle, surprisingly likes cats. He wants kids, she’s not having any rugrats. Actually, she says she doubts she’ll ever be mature enough for them. I wholeheartedly agree. Don’t do it Kym. We don’t need any more reality tv peeps procreating. Teen Mom, Toddlers & Tiaras and The Duggars are taking care of that for us.

While Kyle finds all of their differences appealing (translation: are we hooking up tonight or what?), Kym is not having it (translation: no way jose).

Back at the ranch. Erica continues to hate Jason. Derek and Jessica smooch in the hammock. And Steele and Vanessa decide they officially hate each other. All the while, Ben continues to annoy everyone including Brandee  aka his only hope. On the brighter side, Miles impresses Heather with a jungle picnic where we learn that Miles is an experienced slap the bag player (isn’t that what it means when you say you like boxed wine?).

After sobbing about how she “deserves” love (why do all people on dating shows say that?), Vanessa decides to get her cat face under control and find some men to dig her claws into (sorry for all the cat puns, i can’t help it). She finds Peter and the two if them decide that they are the least attractive people on the show and therefore, should pair up. This strategy is a good one and worked for that wonky eyed weirdo on Paradise Hotel 2 a few years back. This might be the best thing these two have done so far.

The And once again, LITW is picking up where the Bachelorette disappoints. They are going on helicopter ride!

Returning to the fantasy suite, our jungle duo pack up to prepare for their helicopter ride. THANK YOU LOVE IN THE WILD. I was seriously going through helicopter ride withdrawal. In her quest to totally ruin The Bachelorette, it appears Ashley H. has eliminated helicopter dates. What a bia.

Kym continues dropping truth by pointing out that Costa Rica is nothing like Boston. Ya think? What was it  - the mountains? The lush green landscapes? The JUNGLE?

Rather than make this a nice date, Kym decides to make s**t as awkward as possible and tells chin strap that she will not be in feed of his services anymore and that she would rather settle with the guy names after a building material.

Did anyone else notice how big of a bia Kym was on this whole date? She was rolling her eyes every other second and making that dumb face 14-year-old girls make when their mom embarrasses them. If I was Kyle, I would have been like – “hey monkey ears. I did you a favor and I won’t forget this snub when you are wasting away in the single line at elimination.” Instead, he acts dumb and tells her he would team up with her again. So yeah, it’s awkward.

Is this too tight?

Elimination Time aka The Swap Meet.

Girl gets to choose first this time around. Remember that Kym and Kyle can pick whoever they like and that person cannot say no. Everyone else is a crap shoot.

Kym’s up. She decides to swing on over to Steele. So we ‘ve got another jungle duo. A  little monkey-eared Kym and the big gorilla Steele. A match made in marsupial heaven.

Kyle picks Heather much to her chagrin. She was loving her some Miles.

Jess (who both looks and dresses cute) picks Derek (duh, they’ve been smooching in the hammock the last 24 hours).

This leaves Peter alone, so rather than go with the plan and pick old Eva. He bails on her and “goes with his heart” by asking Erica. Erica disses him and says no thanks Geico man, I’m taking my insurance to State Farm. So off to the loser line he goes.

Next up, Ben and Brandee. These two decide to “stick it out” for another episode. I’m thinking these two may have a shot to go all the way (not that way). I just hope Ben doesn’t annoy me too much along the way.

Teresa and Skip are up. I like these two. They are sweet and harmless or as they put it all brawn/beauty and no brains. They decide to stay together which I hope means they’ll get more screen time next episode.

The honeymooners Samantha and Mike decide to get married stick together. This means we’ll be seeing more of their home  videos. Woof.

Erica and Jason are up to bat and you know these two are splitting up. Erica picks Miles and he agrees to give it a go.

The final decision comes down to Jason. If the girl he picks accepts, then Peter and the remaining chick have to pack their bags. If the girl he picks doesn’t choose him, then he could be gone.

He goes with Jessica (who I love) and she accepts which means Peter and Vanessa are going home. Nice move, Peter. Way to let your heart get you sent home. Don’t be confused though, I am totally happy about this. I could barely stand to look at these two anymore. Bracelets off. Syonara suckers.

So, like I said before, I wasn’t too thrilled with this episode. It wasn’t boring, it just lacked oomph. I think next week will be better when there are fewer couples. Let’s stick with it friends – I think we could have a good one on our hands.

So, I wasnt thrilled with this episode but I think now that we;re getting fewer couples it will get better. Stick with this friends. I think we’ve got a good one on our hands (the previews for next week showed a lot of people kissing in hot tub so I know the SE factor will be high).

What do you think of this show? Who are your favorites? Or more importantly, who makes your skin crawl?

The Challenge is up next. Until then… stay tuned.

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Filed under Love in the Wild

What are we watching next? Spreading the SE Beyond The Bachelorette

Happy Friday friends.

So I’ve been thinking. I think we’ve all agreed that this season of The Bachelorette isn’t stellar. It’s not even really that great. It’s kind of meh. This doesn’t mean I am going to stop watching (and recapping), it just means I’m less than enthused about Ashley H.’s search for love.

I need some secondary embarrassment excitement in my life. I’m planning on dedicating some time over the weekend to catch up on the latest season of Toddlers & Tiaras after which I will faithfully blog about the experience. But I need something new to commit to and I want you all to be on board with it.

What I’m asking is, what other show do I NEED to be watching (with my laptop, taking notes as it happens) without the use of my trusty DVR. What would you like to read about the next day? Housewives (of the New Jersey variety), Big Brother, any new summer show (of the dating and/or talent variety), something else on Bravo.

Is there some undiscovered treasure trove of SE that I have no idea about? Please share the love.

If I get zero comments on this post, I’ll know that the love was not shared. And then I’ll be personally embarrassed which will require another blog post. It’s a vicious circle.

Photo: Bravo TV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help a friend out.

Until then… stay tuned.

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Filed under Sports Embarrassment

“Last Minute is the Best Minute” The Bachelorette Episode 4 Recap

As I settled into last night’s episode of The Bachelorette I was hopeful. Hopeful that we’d turned the corner on Bentley, bad dates, boring dudes and Ashley talking about how surprised she was that all the guys could pick her up. I was really looking forward to liking this season. Unfortunately, I was severely disappointed. Like the most disappointed you can be.

I knew we were off to a rough start when we had to relive the entire Bentley drama in one dreadfully long montage. This would be the first of many moments when I had to fight the urge to fast forward. After reliving the whole “dot dot dot” exchange, Ashley ponders out loud “How can I do this?” Well Ashley, the first step is putting down the purple comforter. I’m sure the second step involves putting some sort of bare midriff shirt on. And last but not least, get your open mouth kissing on with every guy that’s left. Spoiler Alert (not really): Ashley does all of these things this episode. (I know, shocking right?)

p.s. – there is no two-part re-cap this week. whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is up to you. 

So Chris Harrison is on the scene, cuffs rolled up, ready for business. He tells all the guys that this “process” (of elimination) is really serious and they need to take it seriously. Hey Chris – this is a reality TV dating show. It is the opposite of serious. Serious is brain surgery or the war in Afghanistan or tackling unemployment issues. This is a show about a vapid, insecure former cheerleader looking for love by dating 25 former Mickey Mouse Club members  guys over a six-week period. Not serious.

Chris “what am I doing with my life” Harrison tells the hipsters in henley to pack their bags, we’re going  to Thailand. Cue the excited brah’s giving each other high fives and man hugs.

Let's do this brah!

I imagine Nick is pumped to catch some sweet waves. Ryan (wearing his favorite Hawaiian Hardee’s manager shirt) wonders what the solar profile is like in Thailand and Ames is bored because he’s been everywhere and knows everything. All the while West sits in the corner looking creepy and being boring.

Ashley tells us that she’s never been to Thailand and that she is SOOOOOO excited. (Ugh, Ashley we know. You would be excited to take the garbage out.) The first of many cringes (that turn to angry outbursts) comes when she talks about how much she misses the Mormon tool bag.

After some home video footage (We’re going to Thailand Brah!”) we get to Thailand with Ashley. What the what is she wearing? Hey Ashley, 1999 called and it wants its cut-up and tied wife-beater back. How in the world is Possessionista going to do a wardrobe post about this outfit? In another unfortunate development this season, it appears Ashley is single-handedly trying to bring back the tie-up top/bare midriff.

In case you all forgot, I have a really awesome stomach.

Ashley bellys up to the front desk and asks the barely fluent in English concierge what they should do while in Thailand. Hey Sunshine and Rainbows – the producers have already planned every minute of your existence for the next 6 weeks. You will do what they say, go where they tell you to go and open mouth kiss who they tell you to kiss. Stop this charade and get to the date already.

What I’m really hoping Ashley will ask is “Do you all have a hot tub on the premises? I’m on this crazy American dating show and the viewers really love it when there are hot tubs involved.” Sadly, another one of my hopes and dreams is crushed when she skips this important detail.

The dudes arrive and quickly stretch out single file across the balcony showing their tight tee’s off proudly to the citizens of Thailand.

Date Card Time. Constantine, “Let’s sea Phuket together.”  Aw, how cute is Ashley. See how she did that? She spelled sea like the ocean. What a little doll. And in case those dunces in the suite didn’t know – it’s a clue!

Too bad for Constantine (aka the wonky eyed Ben F.). His island date with Ashley is spoiled by Mother Nature. So it’s off to the market to shop for some chotchkes and run through the streets in the rain. I’m a little pissed about this because I thought the standard back-up plan was a hot tub and champagne but oh well.

Did anyone else think this was the most boring date ever? Ashley, who is usually as hyped up as those pixie-stick addicted prima donnas on Toddlers & Tiaras, sounds like she’s on prozac. Instead of her over the top giggles, she appears to be sleeping (and dreaming of Bentley) her way through this date.

I had stopped listening for a couple minutes (someone was speaking Thai and there were no subtitles) then I hear this gem – “Love is not about winning.” Well that may be true in real life. But this is not real life and on this show Love actually IS about Winning. What a conundrum for these two platonic shopping pals.

Back at the hotel (thank god, I needed a break from that boring sad-sack of a date), we find out who is going on the group date. Ben F., JP, Blake, Mickey, West, Ben C., Nick, Lucas, William and Ryan will be helping Ashley “Make this world a better place.” Cut to a shot of West looking confused since he clearly has no idea how to do go about doing that. It’s just not in his nature.

Ames is that you?

While the dudes blabber on about how awesome it will be to hang out with Ashley, my mind wanders to Ames. What is he? I feel like looking at him directly is like staring at the sun, I’m afraid I’ll go blind. Thankfully, a friend and loyal reader send a well-timed text alerting me to the fact that Ames is the second coming of The Hunchback of Notre Dame (wow, two cartoon look alikes this season – well-played ABC).

Back to the most boring date of the season (that’s a superlative I can get behind) Constantine and Ashley talk incessantly about how good of a time they are having. Um guys, why don’t you all stop talking about having a good time and just have one.

In the mean time, Ashley tells America that on this date “I got a little bit of my heart back and now I’m ready to give  it out.” SERIOUSLY Ashley? Seriously you knew Bentley for like 10 days. Are you really THAT heartbroken?

We move to the dinner and tongue kissing portion of the date. Ashley is laying on the beach bed blabbering on about how insecure she is when I notice that Constantine is wearing socks on the beach. C’mon dude. I mean really? What is wrong with these people. Other than the offensive white socks, I find Constantine less-offensive than I thought I would. Probably because he is boring and this date is like watching Brad Womack button his plaid shirt (actually, that may be more entertaining).

We cut back to the hotel to find Ben F., JP and Blake giggling like 12-year-olds at a slumber party wondering if Constantine and Ashley have kissed yet. This oddly endearing moment is ruined when they all realize they have open-mouth kissed the same girl. Which in turn is like open-mouth kissing each other. “Gross!” They all yell in unison and then jump into their sleeping bags to watch a scary movie.

The most boring date in the history of boring dates end with the spine-tingling SE moment.

Ashley: “I felt like you could get me back on my feet again and you DID!”
Constantine:  “I did?”
Ashley:  “You did!”
Constantine: (cheesy, awkward grin) “YES!” ( I also think there was an arm motion involved here.)

First off, this conversation is 100% real. Second, I am not joking when I say that I had secondary embarrassment goosebumps during this exchange. My body physically  reacted to this awfulness.

Constantine gets the rose and Ashley tells us for the 7344354358 time that she had a really great time. (Could have fooled me?)

We end with this classic line, “I guess hopeless Ashley is now hopeful again”  Symbol Crash Music. End Scene.

GROUP DATE: After a much-needed commercial break, we’re back and Ashley is still moaning about her heart aching from Bentley leaving. I know this is getting incessant because Drew chimes in with “If she says Bentley one more time I’m going to vomit.” (For the record, she said Bentley about 19343 more times and he did not vomit. What a liar.)

For this date, Ashley has tied up another t-shirt so she and her bare-midriff are all set to help the kiddos. The group date involves all the dudes and Ashley sprucing up a Thai orphanage. I’ll give it to the producers on this one. I thought there was no way to make this group of phonies do anything worth while but I am pleasantly surprised at all the great work these douches do to help out the kids.

The dudes mistakenly praise Ashley for arranging this awesome date (um, do you all not know you are being filmed and that someone is coordinating it? They are called producers and they control your life).

We learn two important facts on this date. 1. Everyone hates Ryan. 2. Ryan has no idea how to paint.

Something we already knew that continues to be discussed is how much Ashley loved Bentley. She is like a 16-year-old girl with a crush (or any aged girl). You know how they try to incorporate their loves name into every sentence? Bring them up for no reason? Ashley is doing all of this and it is annoying and desperate. I want to push her.

To distract her from her anxiety inducing thoughts of Bentley, she goes to hang out with Constantine who is painting a mural. She’s all like “I had so much fun on our date yesterday” when she realizes it’s Ben F.

Get to work now suckers.

Part one of the group date ends with some soccer and hugs and it’s on to part two. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed for a hot tub.

At the let’s get drunk and go swimming party, Ashley and Ben F. settle in for some one-on-one time. All you need to know about this is that they open-mouth kiss and in between saliva swaps, Ben F. says “Ruh roh.” And there goes my dinner.

I lose the rest of my meal when Ryan calls Ashley “freaking rad.” Thankfully, it was dark so he couldn’t accompany that phrase with any sun hand motions but I still get the SE goosebumps.

During his discussion with Ashley, the dudes, led by West, devise a plan to “get rid” of Ryan if he wins a rose. Okay, I made that part up. But they do talk about how much they hate him.

Finally, JP gets some screen time and he romantically takes Ashley down to the beach where they get down to business.

(Side note: JP  + Rain + Open Neck Button down – Ashley = Dreamy) 

I want to step through the TV, kick Ashley out-of-the-way and sit down under that umbrella. This day-dream is ended when I look up at the screen and see Ashley and JP rolling around in the sand open mouth kissing.

At this point, a little bit of my soul is dying as I watch them open mouth kissing (and not because I heart JP) . Seeing someone’s tongue enter another’s mouth is something I don’t want to see on network tv. I literally buried my head in my couch and waited until Drew told me it was over.

When they are done fornicating on the beach, JP carries Ashley (“Oh my god! I can’t believe you can carry me!”) back to the party.

The hottie and the nottie.

Here’s how the rest of the night goes down: Dudes get mad that JP carried Ashley. Ashley decides it’s rose time. Ryan decides its Ryan time. Lucas yells “GOOOBER!” at Ryan (best line of the season). Ryan and Ashley talk awkwardly under an umbrella. It’s for real rose time. Ben F. gets the rose. No hot tub. End Scene.

 
Famous Amos one-on-one.  

I wonder if William didn’t get any dates this episode because they know how umbrella-impaired he is and wanted to pair the audience the embarrassment of watching him attempt to operate one.

Before this date gets under way, we take a moment to freeze frame on Ames. He is an odd-bird. There’s the self-tanner and the uber white teeth. Then I wonder if he is wearing make-up (not just camera make-up but make-up make-up). And then I take a long look at his face. What is wrong with it? Is it the wonky eye or the fact that his lips don’t budge when he’s talking. I don’t know but things aren’t right.

On the boat ride, Ames let’s Ashley know that he has been everywhere, including Thailand, twice. He also has twice as many degrees as everyone in your family (all from the Ivy League), so get over it. He also tells Ashley that he is super spontaneous because “Last minute is the best minute.” And with every sentence, Ames is sounding more and more like a well-traveled Andy Bernard.

As the boat heads into the caves, I am reminded of Brad’s cave date with big-boobs Alli and wonder if she will abandon Ames on a deserted cave beach. I girl can dream.

All the while, Ames is telling Ashley that he’s been to a million countries.  How do I know this? Because he never misses an opportunity to talk about how much better he is than everyone. He’s smarter than you too in case you had forgotten already.

In case you needed another angle.

At the beach picnic, Ames and Ashley try to one-up each other talking about their exes. Ames talks about a girl he legitimately dated while Ashley talks about Brad Womack and loving Bentley.

When we break before the night portion of the date, Ashley comes on-screen to tell America (again, I know) how much she misses Bentley. I aggressively jump up and yell at the TV that he is gone. Like seriously gone. Gone like the N’Sync song (I’ve been listening to some N’Sync pandora lately. I blame it on this show and their motley crew of boy band under studies).

At dinner, Ashley talks about how different (aka weird) Ames is. It is at this point I decide that this is the most boring episode I’ve seen of this show. This date is like watching two people you never want to hang out with. As a friend and loyal reader texted me last night, “Ashley is so ordinary… I may as well watch my neighbor.”

At this point, I’m guessing her neighbor is more interesting. Anyways, they don’t kiss, Ames gets the rose and we’re done(all the while I am wishing I could push both of them in the face).

Rose Ceremony Time. 

Ashley talks more about Bentley and her dark place. Thankfully, it’s been a week which is like 6 months on this show and she’s gotten some meds, so she’s feeling much better.

Ashley shows up in a bedazzled burlap sack and is ready to get done to business.

She talks to West (dead wife) and Lucas (divorced wife) and I am very tempted to fast-forward to the “good part” aka the end of the show.

I am bored to tears. I never thought I would long to watch Brad “The Plaid” Womack and Michelle “Baby I Got Your” Money but sweet lord above, bring them back! This season is MIZZ.

The only mildly entertaining part of the rose ceremony is Ryan’s montage about the Seven Dwarfs. “Sorry I’m happy. Sorry I’m not Grumpy. Or Sleepy, Or Doc.” Since Ryan knows everyone hates him, he tries to make military reference hoping that this will make American love him. It doesn’t. I’m pretty sure Ryan himself is solar-powered and that’s where all his positive energy (aka douchebaggery) comes from.

Chris Harrison or “This Guuuuuuy!” (whoever said that is awesome and should for sure get a rose. my money is on nick) is in the house and it’s rose time. (Actually, it’s not but I fast forwarded through the Ashley/Chris sit-down).

Don't make me make you give me a rose.

There’s a twist. Ashley has decided to only eliminate one guy this week. Awkward (please imagine me saying this under my breath with every syllable stretched out).

Remember Famous Amos and the Twins already have roses. So the remaining buds go to:

  • Lucas the rich smelling mute
  • Ryan (blech)
  • JP (hubba hubba)
  • Nick (I think he may be my new favorite)
  • Mickey (where has he been the last 2 episodes)
  • Blake aka the aggressive dentist
  • William (double blech)
And the final rose goes to…. (this is the least suspenseful rose ceremony ever)
  • Ben C. aka Flashdance

West has to pack his bags and head home to the Star Magazine accusations back home. And the rest of us now have a week reprieve from this show.

The previews with Bentley’s return already have me annoyed for next week.

Thankfully, the credit scene with Nick makes up for that and I am perplexed as to why that wasn’t included in the actual show because it was awesome and not boring.

How are you all handling this season? I am struggling through it. Bachelor Pad and this blog (and my loyal readers. all 8 of you) are all that is keeping me going. How much better would Michelle have been as the Bachelorette?

Let me know what made you crawl under your couch (or bed or any other piece of furniture).

Until then… stay tuned!

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Filed under Bachelor Pad, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette

TLC aka The Carnival Freakshow Network

This morning, while getting ready for work, The Today Show was promoting TLC’s newest sideshow  program – “Freaky Eaters.” Now, we all know that this girl loves some trashy reality TV but TLC continues to take reality TV to the next level. Each time I think they’ve gone and reached the pinnacle of ridiculousness, they go and top themselves.

I’ve decided that TLC (yup, that stands for The Learning Channel) has taken the place of the by-gone Carnival Freakshow. These days, the Bearded Ladies, 6ft man-eating-chickens (Little Rascal what what?) and Werewolf Men of the world have been shunned. No longer welcome at state fairs and carnivals because of the whole PC movement, they have gone underground (or become freaky eaters to get some fame). These freaks of nature have been replaced with the new summer line-up from TLC. Instead of shelling out three tickets to gawk awkwardly at weird-ass-shit, we can now just turn on the boob tube. Freaky Eaters is only the beginning, we’ve got 19 Kids and Counting (cause that’s normal), The Little Couple (because Little is just a nice way to say midget), Hoarders, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding (Gypsies! They’re just like us!)  and Strange Sex. And these are just the regularly scheduled shows.

Wasn't 8 and counting enough? (TLC/DLC)

If that wasn’t enough we’ve got Sister Wives, Toddlers and Tiaras and Quints by Surprise. You cannot make this s**t up. And don’t forget that TLC likes to throw in the seasonal hits like My Strange Addiction or The 26 Year Old Virgin. And I haven’t even mentioned Extreme Couponing (for the discount-obsessed, OCD freak in all of us. Who doesn’t need 19 jars of mayonnaise?).

MUST. HAVE. COUPOOOOOONSSSS! (TLC/DCL)

Every time they announce a new show, I think to myself (usually out loud as I yell at the TV) “Are you f-ing kidding me? How is this on television?” Then I realize, Barnum and Bailey and all the ringleaders before them knew that people like to see weird s**t. Stuff that is so odd and strange that it is ALMOST incomprehensible. I’m pretty sure the programming head at TLC is a descendant of Barnum and/or Bailey. Either that or he just tells his minions, “Just go find some weirdos and film them. We’ll figure out a show for them.”

Toddlers & Tiaras or MY Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I'll let you decide. (TLC/Firecracker Films | Sam Frost | Victor De Jesus)

I mean there are 3-year olds in Tammy Faye Baker makeup (Toddlers and Tiaras), women eating massive quantities of corn starch (Freaky Eaters), a girl going to the tanning bed THREE times a day (My Strange Addiction) and a woman who sleeps with her blow-dryer on (My Strange Addiction). I think the main goal of The Learning Channel is for all of us to learn how NOT to act. That or to just fill our brain with mindless bulls**t. I’m going to go with the latter.

Happy Friday everyone! No go grab a box of cornstarch, find a little friend, some coupons and a beer to get this weekend started!

Until next time… stay tuned!

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