Hey friends, so while I’ve been focused on the upcoming rapture and weird You Tube videos, many of you (and by many, i mean like 6 people. Okay even that’s an exaggeration, maybe 3) have been asking for a Real Housewives of New Jersey re-cap.
Unfortunately for us all, I still haven’t had time to sit down with some popcorn, cue up the DVR and settle in for a nice evening filled with the adult version of The Jersey Shore. But I care about the readers so I begged my friend Jodie (you may remember her from her previous guest post on Brittany from The Bachelor, check it out here) to help us out with her own recap.
I promise to get back on the Real Housewives bandwagon and get some posts going. I must say, I am partial to the ladies from New York (guess it’s all that big city livin’) so I will try to catch a marathon this weekend and get to posting.
Until then, we have the fabulous Jodie to thank for the scoop on the first trip back to the Mansions of Jersey. Enjoy!
Finally, it’s back. The real housewives to end all real housewives. That’s right-Real Housewives of New Jersey (RHONJ) is back and it definitely DID NOT disappoint! This season, we have two newcomers. They are not just any Jersey women, who wear inappropriate outfits to christenings and break out into fights daily–they are actually Theresa’s relatives. And they know what’s up. No shrinking violets here. These girls are here and ready to flip some tables. The newcomers are Melissa, Theresa’s sister-in-law and Kathy, Theresa’s cousin. And boy, do they both hate Theresa.
The new season started out with a bang—with what else—an actual brawl at Theresa’s nephew’s christening (why not? That doesn’t happen in your family?!). Those clever producers over at bravo really showed their skills by showing part of the brawl, then flashing back to a week early so we could get the back story…before then ultimately ended up back at the brawl (that’s tv-making MAGIC there).
Before we get to the SE that erupted in the Catholic ceremony that episode, I want to touch on Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley and how much SE I have every time she is on that show. The girl legit can’t grow up and will never realize the world doesn’t revolve around her. AND, in my pal Danielle’s (the writer of this blog, not the crazy, botox-faced Danielle from RHONJ) famous words she also doesn’t understand that …crying doesn’t solve anything.
This episode Ashley’s mom visits her at work at a PR firm in New York City (how did she get this job? C’mon really?). She meets her boss, who expresses to Jacqueline that Ashley is great, but she should get to work on time, and she needs to come every day. A commute is not an excuse to skip work. Seriously?! Jacqueline kindly scolded her daughter in front of her boss—by telling her she needs to work on getting in everyday (which honestly, when the boss brought the subject up to her mom—I think that’s what she was wanting right??). Then Ashley says she wants her parents to pay for her to have a place in the city so she doesn’t have to commute anymore. She is smoking something if that’s what she thinks the real world is about. Ashley leaves the room crying. Her boss comes in to hold her while she cries, and then she makes her mom leave the room. SERIOUSLY. Because you mom won’t pay for you to live it up in New York City. She’s trying to make you a grown up. You should probably work on it.
Next…stuff with Caroline’s boys moving out. It’s about time, but seriously, I borderline love this family, so I am not going to knock them.
Ok. Onto the family drama. So apparently Theresa’s brother (Joey) married Melissa. The back story is, they got along at first, but now hate each other. Theresa feels after Melissa married her brother, she stopped trying to be friends and was very cold to Theresa. Melissa claims Theresa didn’t share anything in her life with them—good or bad, the past few years (I am assuming the show being one of these things?? Whether that was good or bad is up in the air. And the bankruptcy being the other? Honestly, who knows ?).
Kathy is married to the weirdest man in the world and appears to be team Melissa. Now, as much as I hate to admit it, I feel like I am team Theresa on this one. Theresa takes the higher (I said higher, not high) road when it comes to the family drama. In all the narrations she said some shit about Melissa, but seems to be more careful of what she says. On the other side, Melissa rants on and on about how Theresa’s husband turned their father against Joey and how her parties are better than Theresa’s. Really? First of all, when it comes to the daddy issues-they are all grown men. These aren’t teenage girls that spread rumors to get someone to dump you. It all seems mildly childish. And really, if Joey wants a good relationship with his dad-go get one. I really can’t believe Theresa or her husband are the sole people preventing that. Also—if you get a chance read their Bravo blogs (Theresa’s is here and Melissa’s is here)—they are highly entertaining. Melissa obviously still is trying to be super negative and talk as much shit about Theresa as possible. Theresa, didn’t really mention it at all. To me, that’s her trying to take a positive step forward.
Anyway we move onto the ceremony. Melissa is wearing a dress I would have worn to Avio (editor’s note – Avio was a super awesome all-you-can drink for $10 bar that we frequented on almost every college night)on an extra special night back in 2006—so naturally that is the appropriate choice for her son’s baptism. Theresa came late to the christening because her husband had the runs (true story) and didn’t go to the ceremony. All in all though, she seemed to be involved and generally happy. She congratulated the couple twice. But the second time was too much—her brother was drunk, was upset that she said congrats at the reception and called her garbage. Then Theresa’s husband said something to her brother after she left, and Joey went freaking nuts. Watching these two fight WAS HILARIOUS, because they both have MAJOR Napoleon complexes. They are both probably 5’2” and about that wide around. Nuggets if I’d ever seen one. If either of them got into a fight with a guy of normal stature, they’d be out for the count. This fight was actually made for them! In the end, it was super embarrassing and more chaotic than the fight between Theresa, Ashley, Jacqueline and Danielle Staub from last season (can you believe it?!). I mean for goodness sake, this was a baptism. I mean, I’m Italian, but I’m glad the Cagnetti’s have never gone that far off the deep end. Also, how sad was their dad? He was like about to die after the fight!
The scenes for the upcoming season look as juicy as ever. It appears the whole cast (including feuding families) go on a Caribbean trip of some sort. And guess what….they get into some huge fights! CAN’T WAIT. Until next week…I suppose I’ll have to fill up the time with RHONY and RHOOC, and of course, my fave, watch what happens live! With Andy Cohen (isn’t he THE BEST?).