Tag Archives: Courtney Robertson

“I will be on my best behavior.” Yeah, right. It’s the finale! The Bachelor Season 16 Episode 11

We made it folks. Yes, you may have thought Brad’s season was awkward, Ashley’s embarrassing and slightly boring but Ben definitely took the cake in terms of sheer boredom. Tonight’s episode was no different. Instead of the most controversial season of The Bachelor (Oh the Hyperbole!) I’d prefer to rename it the most epically boring of all time.

This is all to let you know that if this recap is boring, it’s not my fault.

Yes, we're confused too. Image: ABC

Let’s do it. (Which may or may not be what Ben said to the ladies in the fantasy suites.)

The battle is on for who will get to spend forever the next three months with Ben “Shaggy” Flajnik. We begin with the standard contemplative walking/packing/wandering aimlessly shots accompanied by insanely cheesy voice over soundbites like “I never thought my amazing love story would end here.” and “That great big Matterhorn gives me hope.” Yes he said that.  (Do they give them a lesson in speaking like Hallmark cards before taping? I honestly do not know a single soul who speaks like this in real life.)

Can't you just make him pick me?

In Lindzi’s solo I think she realizes the sheer absurdity of filming her stroll through the streets (which I love about her) but Courtney, of course, embraces the absurdity and decides to stop and pet a kitty in the street (probably some poor soul she put a spell on).

Just when I thought the madness was ending, I hear the first notes of “This Year’s Love” and I want to weep for David Gray and the fact that it’s come to this for him. Shilling out a perfectly good song to be the theme for Ben the Bachelor’s quest for love.

Just the Gals

We begin the boredom with the meet and greet with Ben’s momma bear Barb and seester Jules. Jules looks almost scarily similar to Shawntel which continues to creep me out every moment she’s on the screen. Jules and Ben are big time besties but Jules is no idiot and she’s ready to bring the heat.

First up… Lindzi.

Lindzi, like the little tan shining star she is, wins over Barb & Jules quickly with her sweet, slightly awkward demeanor. Add in some serious gushing on Ben to his mom and she’s in like Flynn. Not gonna lie, I get a little uncomfortable with her constant professing of her love but when I consider the alternative to little Lindz, I immediately forgive her for her faults. (I also have the same jacket she’s wearing at this meeting – it’s from Banana Republic – so I can’t hate on her too much.)

When she has her face time with Jules, she wins her over despite the heavy liner and orangy tan that the seriously judgy Jules keeps eying disdainfully. Once Jules feels like they are gal pals, she does what any girl does with a friend – she talks shit. Jules is all break it down for me…. Who did everyone hate? Lindzi tries to maintain her saccharine sweet image and beats around the bush before breaking down that Courtney was the house’s resident evil bitch. Looks like Jules is on our side. Glad to have you on the team.

It appears that despite the unfortunate chin acne, Lindzi has won over the ladies in Ben’s life. The gratuitous butt shot as she walks away shows that even the producers like her better.

Always saving the worst for last…. Courtney.

So Jules is ready to get her grill on with Courtney. She’s not down with the whole “I’m a model” thing. (I know this is all false hope but I’m clinging to anything at this point.)

Being a giant bitch for so long really wore me down.

For this little family gathering, it appears Ben and his mom have decided to pull a little mommy & me look with matching sweater coats. Precious.

One thing that is NOT precious – Courtney’s baby voice. You know the one she uses AT ALL TIMES with Ben (definitely not the evil tone she takes when accosting all the other girls).  I cannot stand it. This episode it gets so bad that I almost quit watching.

When she says “I will be on my best behavior,” in her slightly bitchy and condescending tone I want to smack her. Not exactly sure why but I just do.

So after a quick sit down with the whole gang, she and Jules escape to the balcony where I’m hoping Jules pushes her over the rails. Instead, she let’s Courtney do her best victim impression and then, much to my surprise, TOTALLY BUYS IT. Courtney got all, “They were SO mean to me. They didn’t like me. They were intimidated by me.” which made me want to vom but totally won over Jules. Man, I thought you were on our team.

Don’t worry, once she sees that skinny dipping clip, she’ll change her mind.

I hate models but I love this hat.

After a quick one on one with Momma Flajnik where Courtney uses her 7-year-old girl voice and compliments Ben for a full 10 minutes, the little family get together is over. And rather than Courtney crawling back to her chateau in shambles, she is one step closer to victory. Boo.

The Last Picnic(s)

Throughout this season (and the many before), we’ve seen the importance of the picnic. Turns out that a blanket, a basket full of champagne and a couple snacks is how to find true love in this world. Maybe that’s what more people need to be doing – renting helicopters and packing picnics. Beware Match.com, the picnic is coming for you.

First Feast – Lindzi.

The date with Lindzi is just a ploy to eliminate conversation, they are going skiing on the Matterhorn. It is clear from their first rendezvous that he won’t be picking her. But none the less, they hop in a giant gondola and head up to the top of the mount.

Obviously, the gondola is prepared for an impromptu picnic. It appears to upset Ben since he will actually have to talk to Lindzi rather than getting in a few gropes before sending her home. He attempts to string words together but all we get is “You and the Matterhorn combined is pretty incredible.”

No but really, you can totally tell when Ben is going to get rid of someone because he freezes up and just says “Yeah” while awkwardly nodding to every question/comment/fart.

After the always awkward exchange of “I love you,” + “umm… thank you” + kiss, we are ready to ski.

Skiing is where Ben gets to get handsy with Lindzi just to make sure he doesn’t want to keep pick her. I will give Ben credit here since it appears that he’s pretty legit skier.

After a few cutesy skiing scenes, it’s time for “dinner.”

Lindzi opens up the door like she hasn’t scene Ben in months, c’mon girlfriend, it’s been like 90 minutes. This enthusiasm carries over into every aspect of the night and shit gets awkward pretty quick.

Really, the majority of the night is spent with Lindzi gushing on and on about her feelings for Ben while he awkwardly responds like she told him she got a dog. ‘That’s great.” he repeats ad nauseum.

At this point it is painfully obvious that he doesn’t pick her. But who is Ben to turn down a little open mouth kissing and over the clothes petting, especially when it’s done in the open air. So he and Lindzi enjoy some last kisses as she strokes his long, long hair. Woof.

Our Last Moments with Courtney.

One thing that makes me happy about this episode is the fact that I never have to watch this evil wench or this boring nerd do forced activities ever again. But before that I must struggle through one final helicopter + picnic date. You’d think Yogi Bear was a producer on this show with the number of pic-a-nic’s they go on. But I digress.

Courtney begins with one of the quick jabs she’s become known for, “Ben has a lot of depth and I just never saw that with Lindzi.” Oh Courtney, you really are such a nice person. How could I have ever gotten the wrong impression.

Ben does a little happy dance as he lets Courtney know that it will be “Me, you and a helicopter!” on this excursion. If this show was a sporting event, there would be all sorts of statistics and winning percentages equated with the number of helicopter rides. I’m thinking that you definitely can’t win a championship without a veteran helicopter rider.

Unfortunately for us all, Ben doesn’t push Courtney out but instead gets all lovey dovey on their ride through the Alps. Lots of “oohs” and “ahhhs” later (eww, not like that), they arrive on a snowy mountainside for their last picnic. Seriously? Why the F are they having a picnic in the snow? Who is ever like, “I would love to go and eat in the freezing cold and wet, frozen snow.” Not no one.

Well not no one until the evil Ice Queen Courtney. It appears that she only functions at her best in icy conditions.

This is how it will be in real life!

The conversation is spent how all conversations with Courtney are spent, with her talking about herself and “how hard” this has been on her. Blech. Get me out of here. Since he’s under her spell, he gets all googly eyed listening to her complaints. I want to yank him by his nappy hair straight back to the helicopter.

After this blech fest, it’s dinner time. ABC has cued up the epic love music so we all know how this ends. Courtney decides to exclusively use her baby voice this episode while they enjoy a fondue feast. Woof. Woof. Woof.

“It’s hard for me to express my emotions,” she opines as I yell at the TV that it hasn’t been hard for her to be a rude, condescending bia all season. This is followed byhe presentation of a scrap book filled with screen shots of their “journey.” What is it about this show that compels people to make scrap books? I just don’t get it. Do the producers make them for them to induce SE in all of us? So many questions. So few answers.

One insanely sappy love letter later and my stomach has all but rejected my dinner and I’m counting down til this shizz is over.

Courtney uses the magic word, “vulnerabe” and the deal is sealed with an open mouth kiss. Obviously.

The End.

For our sanity (and to allow you more time to read stuff about the Hunger Games premier online), I am going to gloss over the cheesy montages that have become staples of the show. Just know that this is the order:

  • Ben’s Lindzi memories montage.
  • Ben’s Courtney memories montage.
  • Lindzi’s Ben memories montage.
  • Courtney’s Ben memories montage.

Ben sits down for his 5 minute commercial consultation with Neil Lane where he picks out a pretty beautiful sparkler.  It makes my heart hurt that I know it’s going on Courtney’s hand.

Side note: In the sheer boredom of this episode, Drew has taken to following Emily, Kacie B, Blakely and some other assorted Bachelor characters on twitter. He spends the rest of the show giving me their play-by-play.

Gratuitous Chris Harrison shot.

It’s proposal time so in theory the girls are supposed to put on the prettiest dresses they’ve ever seen/worn for what could be their “moment.” Courtney, it appears has been reading the blog and decides to go with her favorite Disney villan for her look – Cruella da Ville. She’s got the dress, the cape (yes, I said cape), the gloves and the crazy eyes. All she’s missing is the streak of white hair. That can be arranged.

Lindzi, on the other hand, has thrown on a bandeau tankini and pairs it with a skirt made of crow feathers top with a peacock green cloak (yup, there were two cloaks) Who is dressing these girls? Courtney’s Cruella I can understand, but making Lindzi look like this when they knew what was going to go down. That’s just mean.

Courtney hops in the helicopter sporting her best surprised/excited/ready to give a BJ face. Lindzi on the other hand is a big ball of nerves.

CH is on the scene, looking fly as ever, to accompany the girls down the gravel path that awaits their doom fate.

The ultimate walk of shame. Image: ABC

Lindzi’s up first, which we all know means she loses. I feel the secondary embarrassment panic start to set in and Drew hides under the blankets. Her excited voice-over only makes it worse since we all know Ben won’t be getting down on one knee. She may have had false hope when she saw Ben’s matching spray tan but that hope was quickly squashed.

She arrives and the verbal diarrhea begins. ‘Great to see you. How are you? I’m so excited to be here with you…” I reply with a loud “AHHHHHH” at the TV followed by a quick “Please please just make it stop.”

When Ben can finally get a word in edgewise, he drops the bomb. “I’ve fallen in love with you …. BUT (there’s always a but)… I need these moments to last a lifetime. I’ve fallen in love with someone else.”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So there it is. Just like that little Lindzi is dunzo. But I knew I liked this girl because she takes a deep breath, regains her composure, keeps her dignity intact (with the exception of that “If it doesn’t work out, call me” line) and heads back in the heli.

No ugly crying. No emotional outbursts. Just a quick goodbye. And just like that, she’s gone.

The Proposal

Courtney is ready for her moment, I mean why wouldn’t she be, “I’m a good person and good things happen to good people” she says with a straight face. She says she “feels like I can trust him and possibly love him forever.” Yeah definitely.

Courtney hops out of the limo, pushes CH out of the way and sprints to the finish line ready to claim her 4 carat prize.

Standing in front of the Alps, Ben gets all sappy talking about how much he’s been fooled by in love he is. He’s known it for a long time and he’s in love. Courtney is his “forever.”

At this Courtney gives the fakest surprised look, ditches that long ass glove and claims her victory with arms raised in the air.

"Winning!" (Yes I hate myself for just writing that.)

They seal the deal with a kiss and Courtney’s promise, “I will love you forever.” Which in reality TV time means for 2 months until he cheats on her with three girls in one weekend. Ahh, young love.

And just like that the boring dude and the crazy, selfish chick have made it official (for now).

Well what did you think? Did you hate it as much as me? Are you just counting down until Emily on The Bachelorette? Do you want more SE on a regular basis? Don’t leave me hanging!

Not going to lie, I’m pretty thrilled this season is over. There have been some highs but mostly lows. I’m ready for lots of little Ricky Tick, some southern charm and a couple predictable NASCAR dates.

Until next time… stay tuned!

 

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“I love this country, it’s my destiny.” Getting Swiss Cheesy with Ben. The Bachelor Season 16 Episode 9 Recap

Grab your favorite scarf  and apres-ski outfit (which if you’re a contestant on this show means a bikini), we’re going to Switzerland.

Ben is hype for the last stop on his love “journey.” In his EXACT words,  “I love this country, it’s my destiny.”

So let’s determine that destiny. He’s got three “amazing” women left and it’s time for old Benny boy to make a decision. But like countless Bachelorette’s before him he’s paralyzed by the fear of not making the right decision (the first wrong decision was coming on this show, after that it was all downhill. There’s no point in trying to stop it now).

As Ben packs up his henley tees and cardigans, he ponders who will make the best match.

Is it Nicki? A “warm and loving woman… Kind of a dark horse.” And he’s not just talking about her tan.

Or  could it be Lindzi? This half city/half country little lady is also not too tan to be the mother of his children. “I had premonitions of life with children with Lindzi.” Was premonitions really the best word to use there Ben? I think not.

Or is it the Evil Love Monster Courtney?  Blech. Having to watch this montage of Courtney is making me a little nauseous. “I like that she’s a little bit nerdy,” Ben says. Um, nerdy? Is that what the kids are calling slutty these days? “She’s exciting, spontaneous…” and a little crazy, an evil hag and a fake fame seeker (can you tell I’m a fan?). The only redeeming part of this little compilation is the focus on her evil reign. Cheers to that.

So enough of the past, let’s get to the present. We’re in Interlaken, Switzerland. A “majestic and magical” place. The perfect place for Courtney to end her journey as the Evil Queen. I can see her watching from her mountainside castle now.

Ben sports his snuggest leather jackets as he meanders through the empty streets of Interlaken hunting for Nicki. (Who was thankful there wasn’t a repeat of last year’s street scene with Ashley Hebert frozen as the crowd moves wildly around her? Just me? Okay then.)

Date #1: Nicki

He finally stumbles upon Nicki who is predictably HYPE.

She agrees that Switzerland is the “perfect place to be in love.” Which infuriates me because there is not an acre in this great world that these fools wouldn’t think was perfect for love as long as a cameras was pointed in their general direction.

I end my rant to see that on this date they’ll be using the standard mode of transportation on this show, the helicopter. (Planes. Check. Trains. Check. Automobiles? No way, not on the Bachelor. Helicopters only.)

Ben acts like this is the first helicopter ride he’s ever experienced (yeah right, it’s like your 19th) and does this:

Yes, that happened. There are no words to describe it or the secondary embarrassment I experienced while watching that. I felt I would be doing a huge disservice to anyone who reads this to not highlight that “dance” move.

So into the helicopter they go. Don’t even try to act like Ben didn’t choose the helicopter date for Nicki because it prohibits her ability to talk non-stop. Seriously, Ben knew that he couldn’t even try to get a word in edge-wise when they’re face-to-face. This way he can enjoy a five-minute break from her rambling on about her love for him.

I get momentarily excited when it appears that their helicopter is crashing but instead they land on a cliff for, you guessed it, a picnic.

Such a standard Bachelor date. Helicopter + Picnic. All we need is a hot tub and we’ll be three for three.

We're going on a bear hunt...

The entire picnic is spent with Nicki jabberboxing about how much she loves Ben and how much her family loves Ben while he looks at her and nods. One look at his face and you can tell he’s letting Nicki go this episode. He is clearly bored out of his mind. It basically goes like this: Feelings, Feelings, Feelings, I love you, Feelings, Family, I love you, Open Mouth Kissing to stop the blabbering.

End Scene.

It’s dinner time which on this episode just means the awkward time before Ben slips the fantasy suite (aka it’s time to get it on) card. Tonight’s date is in a log cabin which Nicki loves so much that she lets out a little horsey squeal.

They talk about when Nicki will move to Sonoma and how many kids they’d like to have (how about none please) but I can’t pay attention to anything other than Ben’s zip up, button up, latch up sweater. Seriously, how many options are on that sweater? A zipper, buttons and latches. TOO MUCH.

The conversation regarding kids leads Ben straight to the fantasy suite drop and he asks her “What do you think?” which is code for “Do you want to have sex with me?” She, of course, replies yes and it’s on.

Ben, still emotionally unavailable and vacant with Nicki, takes her back for a champagne fueled night of getting it on. (Yes, I just said getting it on and yes a little piece of my soul just died.)

And if you were wondering when the hot tub would come into play, well here you go. They hop in and we’re, thankfully, cut off from this sinking ship.

Hot Tub Numero Uno. Check!

Date #2: Lindzi

Lindzi arrives and proceeds to provide us with one of the more awkward entrances. Nothing like a weird wave and then the dreaded run, jump, twirl entrance. Ugh, I hate it.

Today’s date is a surprise for both Ben and Lindzi. Yup, the producers broke out an oldie but a goodie with a little rappelling. Usually this is reserved for a group date in the jungle where the girls claw each others eyes out for a chance to rappel alongside their man, but alas, we’ll have to settle for it here… with Ben.

Since this date involves heights, they are predictable totally “freaked out.” They discuss their fears and then collectively decide to conquer them before conquering each other later in the fantasy suite.

Any chance you two can make it all the way down without kissing?

Are you serious? No, definitely not.

They both don’t really want to participate so Drew asks “Why are they doing it then?” Um, come on hun. We’ve been watching this for months now. They’ve surrendered control of their lives to the producers at ABC. If they don’t do it, they’re just going to push them over anyways.

So they rope up and prepare for decent. They are acting like this it’s so scary and that they are “free-falling” but to me it just looks like they are inching, VERY SLOWLY, down a rope. Lame.

They make it back to the bottom where they embrace, kiss and then Ben proceeds to wipe off the self-tanner that has rubbed onto his face.

That madness ends and what do we see, why another hot tub of course. The hot tub is the perfect place for them to “discuss their feelings” while doing a little under water groping. (Don’t act like that’s not happening.)

This is where the vulnerable drinking game commences. Lindzi tells Ben that she has made the “Ice Queen Melt” not sure who she’s talking about since I’m pretty sure she’s acted like a 12-year-old cheerleader hyped up on pixie sticks since the day she arrived, but hey, what do I know.

She’s put up a wall but Ben has allowed her to be vulnerable. Yes, I was able to explain it by using the word once. Unfortunately for all viewers, she needed to use the word 12532 additional times to get the point across.

During the hot tub, Lindzi hopes to be able to tell Ben she loves him. Instead all she can do is spit out “I’m loving this” to the tune of the McDonald’s jingle.

Hot Tub Numero Dos. Check!

Oh well, Ben doesn’t care and let’s us know he has “an invitation to give to Lindzi” (Uh duh Capt. Obvious) because “we both need to get to a vulnerable state.” Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. I think you all know the vulnerable state he’s talking about and I suggest you not picture it in your mind.

It’s dinner time which means lots and lots of sexual innuendo before they get to the sex card.

They race through their meal and Lindzi pretends to act excited when Ben drops the envelope on the table. Lindzi tries to pretend she’s a good girl but puts up very little fight when she sees that key. “I never let myself be vulnerable… the best way to come out of this is to be completely open to be.” Not sure if that makes sense (swear, it’s a direct quote) but I think it means she’s planning on going all the way. Blech.

A side note on this date: You can definitely tell that Ben likes Lindzi WAY more than Nicki. I know this because I spot at least one recognizable emotion on his face as she talks.

They arrive at the suite and Lindzi, like the rocket scientist she is, proclaims “It’s a fantasy of a suite.” REALLY? Yeah DUH! It’s a fantasy suite. Oh Lindzi… and I wanted to like you.

Each of them says vulnerable at least 3 more times and it’s go time. “I didn’t think she was in a place to fully open up to me,” says Ben. But we all know that she is definitely ready to open up to him now (sorry that was so gross, I couldn’t help it).

Cue the over dramatic music and we’re out.

So that's what happens in the fantasy suite.

Date #3: Courtney

I think it should be noted that my hate for Courtney has caused me to stop paying total attention on her dates. Apologies in advance.

This is the first time Courtney and Ben have been together since their faux wedding. Will there be a little awkwardness at first  (and I’m not talking about the awkward run up)? Will Courtney call him her husband (it’s totally within the realm of possibilities)? Will he push her off one of the Alps (okay, I know that one’s a stretch)?

Help! Help! I need you to believe that I'm vulnerable...

... so I can rip out your heart for a prime spot in my evil lair.

Today’s date is a train ride to a little village where they’ll be going on a, wait, don’t say it, I’m gonna let you guess it…. PICNIC!

“Come with me and all aboard,” says Ben (yes, I know it doesn’t really make total sense but they are his words, not mine). This is a phrase he’s practicing before tonight’s fantasy suite action.

The train takes them straight to “fairytale land.” Which I love since I have been comparing Courtney to a fairy tale evil monster/ogre/hideous queen since day one. But it also frightens me a little since I’m afraid she may take control of the village and put them under some spell where they’ll all turn into leprechauns and she’ll use them to do her bidding (woah, that got weird. Note to self: stop watching Once Upon a Time).

That kind of weirdness is what happens when they are talking because honestly, I stop listening.

In my humble opinion, this date is woof. I wish they were pushing her off a cliff instead of watching these two losers shopping and waltzing down the street.

They settle in for an afternoon of listening to Courtney talk about herself. “I’m so happy I hung in there. It’s been rough for me some times.” Shocker, it’s all about Courtney all the time.

A quick game of “Hey Cow” and it’s back to talking about Courtney. “I feel bad that it wasn’t easier for me,” she says as she attempts to bite off her lower lip. “I tried really hard to be nice with them.” Wait what? If that was trying hard, I’d hate to see what “not giving a shit” looks like.

After a fake apology and some fake off-screen crying, Ben is convinced that she’s just a sweet girl and not the big bad wolf we all know she is inside.

Make. IT. STOP! PLEASE!!!!

It’s time for part deux and we know that there’s still a small amount of tension because ABC has cued up Track 6 on the season soundtrack, titled “Concerned, Worried and yet… Hopeful.” Yes, it’s a complex, emotional piece.

Maybe it’s cause I hate Courtney, or maybe’s it’s cause Ben has zero personality on-screen, or maybe it’s because Courtney attempting to be nice is insanely boring but I can’t keep my eyes open on this snooze fest.

There’s some more fake apologizing and something about her being immature and then it’s fantasy suite time. Ben in his overly eager way spits out “I know how I feel about it but I want to see how you feel about it.” Um, Ben – this is the girl who stalked you to go skinny dipping with her on date three. I’m pretty sure she’s game for a little fantasy suite action.

And they’re off to their itty bitty hot tub where they open mouth kiss while I cover my eyes and attempt to control my gag reflex.

“I just feel so lucky cause Ben is the best thing that has ever happened to me.” BLECH.

Hot Tub Numero Tres. Check!

YAY FOR EMILY

Just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, sweet sweet Emily steps in to save the day. It is well-documented that I freaking love Emily. Not sure how that will translate here but I imagine I will be a little protective and extremely hostile to all the douches trying to get at her.

This little cut in is a four minute commercial for Titanic (I’m not complaining) along with a little publicity boost for ole Ashley and Alli.

They play dress up (during which Ashley says she didn’t think JP was hot at first – um… LIAR!) and then head off in their tightest cocktail attire and tallest stilettos to watch a screening of Titanic in 3D. As they fake eat popcorn, they discuss how searching for love on the Bachelorette is just like losing your true love on a tragic ship accident. Sorry, I get really defensive when it comes to Titanic. Here’s a little secondary embarrassment for you all, I saw Titanic 6 times in the movie theater. Yup 6 times. Sorry for loving Leo.

But I digress, so the girls tell Emily that she deserves to find her one true love, just like Rose. But try not to let him drown at the end after you hog the piece of driftwood just for yourself while he freezes and dies. Woah Woah Woah. Sorry, I did it again.

And we’re back to Ben.

That little interlude is over and Kacie B. is back. Not one single soul should have been surprised to see her. But of course, Ben is and after a lot of awkward cursing, he invites her in.

Ole girl just needed a little closure and wants to know what she did wrong. Basically, Ben let’s her know that her Dad totally freaked him out and then he didn’t see himself being a part of her life. I can’t hate here since her Dad was super controlling and I wouldn’t want to see him at holidays either.

What are you doing here? No rose means no rose. I thought I made that pretty clear.

This whole encounter is AWKWARD. I start to get serious secondary embarrassment when they just stare at each other in silence. This is so weird. Okay she needs to either drop some truth or leave cause this is making me want to jump behind my couch

She finally pipes in with a rant on Courtney. “I feel like if you choose [her] you will get your heart-broken.” Ben is visibly annoyed and yells “PROVE IT!” Okay that didn’t happen but it would have been a lot cooler if he had. She gives one single example and then Ben shuts this madness down.

She leaves and proceeds to lay down on the floor outside his room. WHAT THE WHAT is happening here? Couldn’t someone have been like, “Um Kacie, there’s a whole couch like 15 feet away from you.”

She gets all sad and wonders what will happen as I yell at the screen “You’re 24. You have a great body. Just keep crazy under control and you’ll be fine.”

I think it's about time you get the h out of here. No but for real. Like for good. No but don't come back.

Rose Time.

A confused Ben sits down with CH to hash it out. It this point I wish CH would just get real with Ben and let him know about Courtney’s bitch moves. Instead, he tries to get him to bring back Kacie B. – passive aggressive, I like it. You know that CH is just sitting there thinking that Ben is a total buffoon for falling for the planted actress but oh well. He just sits back, chugs his bourbon and water and waits for it all to end.

Roses go to…

  • Lindzi. She definitely had to be first pick in that dress. That bandage dress was way hotter than those frumpy numbers.

Who will it be? I want it to be Nicki but I know it will be Courtney.

Cue the ominous church bells.

  • Courtney. BLECH.

BOOOOOOOO. We’re just one step closer to that evil wench winning.

Adios Nicki.

Bless Poor Nicki’s Heart. I’ll give her credit with going out in style. Not like Kacie B and that horrible crying madness. No weird sobbing or question asking.

“I feel kinda like a fool for falling so hard and so fast,” she says. Yeah, Nicki – that’s true. But at least you realize the errors of your ways. You’ll be fine, just don’t go on Bachelor Pad. There’s no place for you in those shenanigans.

Next week, the reunion. Are you pumped? I am but I just wish Courtney would be there so the other girls could verbally assault her.

Oh well. Until next time… stay tuned!

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Dear US Weekly, Please stop putting Courtney on the cover. Yours truly, Danielle

I don’t know about you all but I love me some US Weekly. No way am I paying cover price for my weekly dose of celebrity gossip – I subscribe so that is delivered to my doorstep for my reading pleasure. But lately I’ve been a little disappointed with the fine folks at my favorite publication. The source of my disappointment is one Courtney Robertson. The same woman who ruins my Monday evenings has ruined my Tuesday afternoon mailbox run.

I already know she is a model (you know, cause she told America like 35439857349532490 times), so I don’t need to see any more modeling pics of her. I also don’t really care what her “friends” say about her (although I do like to hear the other girls trashing her). So as a 5-year+ subscriber, I wish the nice people at US would remove her from the cover. I know I will be seeing more of her when she inevitably wins the show but I just was hoping that I’d have more time to mentally prepare.

Of course they had to pick a picture of her with her gaping mouth open. BLECH.


Not gonna lie, I devoured the articles. I was just hoping these would be more sidebar headlines than full-blown covers. No need to puff her over inflated ego up anymore. Some notes: I was a little surprised to find out that she had dug her evil talons into Jim Toth (aka Reese Witherspoon’s hubby). I mean that guy seems like a pretty regular dude, I’m thinking that US Weekly may have used the term “dated” in the loosest way possible. Also, what about this supposed sex tape? They said it was pretty raunchy which made me vom a little.

Anyways, are you ready for tonight? Let’s all collectively pray for no more fake wedding ceremonies. K?

Until tomorrow’s recap… stay tuned!

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