Tag Archives: Bachelor Pad

Called it! Chris B. Revealed as Final Bachelor Pad Contestant

Just spotted this little gem on People.com. Yup, our favorite hot-tempered, anxiety-filled, Polish super shrugger Chris Burkowski will be joining the cast of Bachelor Pad. I’m thinking he’ll definitely get into some drama with Kalon and Erica Rose. Not quite sure who he’ll sleep with team up with but I’m sure we’re in for an emotional rollercoster with this one. Totally called it (although anyone with half a brain probably did too).

Get Excited friends… Bachelor Pad is only a few short weeks away!

Here’s the full story from People.com

Bachelor Pad 3‘s Final Contestant Revealed

By Evan Lambert

Tuesday July 03, 2012 02:05 PM EDT

Bachelor Pad 3's Final Contestant Revealed

Chris Bukwoski
Image: Craig Sjodin/ABC/Getty

Almost a month after revealing the cast of Bachelor Pad 3, ABC has finally announced the name of the show’s final contestant: Chris Bukowski.

The 25-year-old Chicago native, who was voted Class Hottie in high school and works as a sales manager at Sears Centre Arena, decided to join Bachelor Pad 3 after getting sent home by Emily Maynard on Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette.

Maynard recently wrote in a blog post for PEOPLE: “I had a really hard time sending him home, but wanted to stay true to the promise I made to his sister that I wouldn’t keep him away from his family if I didn’t see him at the end with me.”

Bukowski will be joining 19 other Bachelor and Bachelorette veterans – as well as five “super fans” of the franchise – on the show, which premieres Monday, July 23. The winner of the season will be awarded $250,000.

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Get Excited… Bachelor Pad Contestants Announced

Get excited friends. As meh as I’ve been about Emily’s season (sorry for the lack of recap this week), I’m always ALWAYS hype about Bachelor Pad. It appears that this seasons cast will not disappoint. I, for one, CAN’T WAIT.

So without further ado, here’s who will be providing nonstop secondary embarrassment this summer on Bachelor Pad:

 

Lindzi Cox

Occupation: Development Manager
Age: 27
Residence: Bellevue, WA

You Remember Her: From her cute clothes and for attempting to break up the evil reign of Courtney. Looks like she’ll be this season’s Tenley.

 

Blakely Jones

From: The Bachelor Season 16, Ben Flajnik
Occupation: Esthetician
Age: 34
Residence: Charlotte, NC

You Remember Her: As the stripper esthetician with a heart of gold. She also loves making scrap books. Blakely’s boobs and will to win (read: age) will attempt to take her far but just like her flamenco skills, will fall flat.

Sarah Newlon

 From: The Bachelor Season 11, Brad Womack
Occupation: Bar Manager
Age: 28
Residence: St. Louis, MO

You Remember Her: No you don’t.

Jamie Otis

From: The Bachelor Season 16, Ben Flajnik
Occupation: Registered Nurse
Age: 25
Residence: New York, NY

You Remember Her: As the sweet mom and nurse who you were rooting for but knew had no change. Let’s hope little momma can win some money (you know how well people do when it’s for the kids).

Jaclyn Swartz

From: The Bachelor Season 16, Ben Flajnik
Occupation: Account Manager
Age: 27
Residence: Newton, MA

You Remember Her: As the girl with the big (sassy) mouth and the even bigger nose. This spitfire will do well (or horribly – who knows) on BP.

Erica Rose

From: The Bachelor Season 9, Prince Lorenzo Borghese
Occupation: Law Student
Age: 29
Residence: Houston, TX

You Remember Her: She’s BACK! From Bachelor Pad 2 and her futile attempts to ruin Vienna. Erica will now be a veteran and will be ready to play the game in hopes of furthering her 15 minutes of fame.

Rachel Trueheart

From: The Bachelor Season 16, Ben Flajnik
Occupation: Executive Assistant
Age: 27
Residence: New York, NY

You Remember Her: As being my favorite during Ben’s season and for taking down Blakely in the 2-on-1 date. She’ll charm everyone with her cuteness and will no doubt, rock the best clothes.

Ryan Hoag

From: The Bachelorette Season 4, DeAnna Pappas
Occupation: High School Dean/Former NFL Player
Age: 32
Residence: Minneapolis, MN

You Remember Him From: You may remember him but I have no idea who he is.

From: The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris
Occupation: Realtor
Age: 33
Residence: Philadelphia, PA

You Remember Him From: Once again, I got nothing.

Kalon McMahon

From: The Bachelorette Season 8, Emily Maynard
Occupation: Luxury Brand Consultant
Age: 27
Residence: Houston, TX

You Remember Him: As that huge douche bag that just got kicked off Emily’s season for insulting her daughter. Likely this season’s Kasey Kahl – you’ll want to jump through your TV and punch him in his over sized lips for saying stupid stuff and wheeling around his Louis Vuitton luggage.

Nick Peterson

From: The Bachelorette” Season 7, Ashley Herbert
Occupation: Trainer
Age: 27
Residence: Tampa, FL

You Remember Him: As one of the semi-normal guys on Ashley’s season. His flowing locks, winning smile and lack of serious drama leads me to believe he’ll team up with my totes fave Rachel.

Tony Pieper

From: The Bachelorette Season 8, Emily Maynard
Occupation: Lumber Trader
Age: 30
Residence: Portland, OR

You Remember Him: As the guy with the Kermit-voice that couldn’t bare to be away from his little guy (you know the Batman to his Robin) to kick it with Emily. I see him teaming up with the mama RN Jamie for a parental double whammy.

Michael Stagliano

 From: The Bachelorette” Season 5, Jillian Harris, Bachelor Pad 2
Occupation: Entrepreneur
Age: 27
Residence: Sherman Oaks, CA

You Remember Him: As the guy that already won this show. What the What? Why is Stag getting to come back. Consider me not happy for the return of sweater vests, crying and man capri’s.

Ed Swiderski

From: The Bachelorette Season 5, Jillian Harris
Occupation: Technology Consultant
Age: 33
Residence: Chicago, IL

You Remember Him: As the douche that Jillian picked, only to find out that he was whoring himself out all over Chicago while the show aired. He will likely win since he seems a little skeezy. I anticipate a partnership with Erica Rose.

The rest of the cast is made up of fans joining the show for their chance at Bachelor fame and love (haha yeah right). You can see the full list here.

Can’t wait for the premier!

Until then… stay tuned!

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She didn’t win but you can still help her cause. 46NYC Shirt in honor of Michelle Money’s Father to Support Colon Cancer Research

It’s no secret that here that I love love love Ms. Michelle Money. I can’t help it. Loved her on Brad’s season (Monkey Attack threats and all) and I loved her even more on Bachelor Pad. I was definitely rooting for her and Graham (even if the way she says his name weirds me out a little) over Michael & Holly especially because Ms. Money said she’d be donating some of her winnings to help cancer research.

Well my friends, she may not have won but we can still help a girl out (cause you know you love her too). 46nyc.com – the t-shirt company that her beau Graham owns – has created a special shirt to honor Michelle’s dad, Scott Cartwright. The Blue Ribbon Tee (V-neck for ladies) is cute and more importantly, goes to a good cause.

Not sure why Michelle’s not sporting the tee in the pic on the site but either way – here it is. If you’re interested in scooping one up, they are $28.00.

p.s. – I was not paid or anything to do this. Just stumbled upon while following Michelle on twitter and thought I’d share with the fellow SE Michelle Money fans. 

Michelle Money for 46nyc.com

 

Blue Ribbon Tee

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That’s what you get for waking Up in Vegas: The Bachelor Pad 2 Season Finale Recap Part I

I’m not going to lie, I’m a little sad to see the end of Bachelor Pad. Feels like the official end to Summer. But alas, Summer must turn to fall and Bachelor Pad must turn to The Bachelor. Ah, the cycle begins again.

But before we jump ahead, let’s savor the last drawn out three hours few moments we’ve got with these crazy kids.

We kick off back at the mansion where the padders are recovering from the “dramatic” rose ceremony (why is everything so dramatic on BP?). Holly is worried about her “connection” with Micheal after he saw how hard it was for her to say good-bye to Blake. I’d bet it has more to do with him seeing her tongue kissing him on a blanket though. Hard to tell.

Everybody do the dinosaur. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

Before they can drown their sorrows in the unlimited supply of booze, Chris Harrison jumps in with another SUPRESA! Pack your bags sinners, we’re going to your favorite city! So appropriate for the last challenge to take place in Sin City.

This revelation causes Kasey to make his own revelation/proclamation of mindless BS, “I had a dream. Build an alliance to make it to the finals. And here we are…. All I have to do is predict that I will win that $250,000 and I’ll win.” Oh Kasey, it is sweet to have dreams but please refrain from sharing them like you are MLK changing the world. You’re on Bachelor Pad, K?

Vegas Baby 

The crew arrives in Vegas where they are whisked off to an auditorium that looks very similar to the one used last season in the Jaberwockeez Bachelorette competition. C’mon ABC I thought we learned our lesson then. No more awkward white people dancing. PLEASE.

Surprise Suckers!

Instead of performing in a hip-hop dance troop (*sign of relief*) the posse will be attempting to recreate a scene from the Cirque du Soleil show (*groan* oh lord, please no).

This involves being harnessed in and performing a routine on a giant, 100-ft vertical stage. While I think this looks like a super fun, exciting thing to try, it appears that every, single person left is afraid of heights and this challenge makes them want to vomit. Well at least they know how I’ve felt the entire season.

CH steps out, still hung over from a night out in Vegas, to explain the rules of this challenge. Each couple will perform a one minute routine where they will be judged in four categories, one of which is (the always important) Chemistry. The have one day to learn the routine which include 50 seconds of choreography and 10 seconds of their own “free-style.”

The couple with the highest score wins and gets to choose who will join them in the finals. The couple with the lowest score will be going home. *Gasps* all around as the couples realize how “important” this challenge is (seriously, you’d think Bachelor Pad is life and death for some of these people). They all clap while they silently cry on the inside.

This happened. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

Practice Makes Perfect Not Horrible

Each group heads backstage to meet with the Cirque du Soleil cast members who drew the shortest straws. They all curse their lives while they attempt to teach the routine to the group.

  • Vienna and Kasey – Vienna insults Kasey’s inability to do anything correctly while Kasey proposes they “form a heart with their bodies” for their freestyle. At least Vienna doesn’t think this is a good idea. She immediately shoots it down while I contemplate Kasey’s undying love for the heart symbol. (I liked when they showed the Cirque du Soleil guy in the background just shaking his head. Yeah, we’re with you bud.)Despite Vienna’s put downs, Kasey thinks they have this in the bag. Mostly because he is “smart and witty.” I’m not sure what being witty (he’s not AT ALL) has to do with this competition but whatevs Kasey. Vienna obviously thinks she’ll be the best at this (like she’s said for every other competition they lost). I smile since I know this is the last time I will have to hear her compliment herself.
  • Kirk and Ella – Ella is afraid of heights and cables and ultimately, winning. She tells us for the 93rd time that she is doing this for her son which prompts me to yell at her to strap herself in and go with it. But of course, she doesn’t. The panic and anxiety of the 100-ft wall combined with her LA Gear sneakers from 1992 cause her to look like a hot mess up there.I am sad since it appears my two favs stand no chance at winning this. Hopefully someone else sucks.
  •  Michael and Holly – Well these two definitely won’t suck. It doesn’t hurt that Micheal is a professional choreographer and that Holly has rhythm. While Holly learns the routine, Michael (who memorized it after watching it once) stares at her longingly. I half expect him to pull out a blanket for them to lie down on to have a tear-filled heart-to-heart.
  • Michelle and Graham – Michelle throws on her cutest workout gear and her and Graham attempt to learn the routine. They look great but the routine does not. Maybe Kirk and Ella stand a chance. Ah, but that’s no good. I want them both to make it to the finals. I’m so torn.
Back at their Vegas suite the pairs practice through the night, well everyone except Kasey and Vienna. Editing makes it look like they ate all the food in the place and then hit the hay. Blech. I can’t stand them.

Show Time

Predictably the judges are former Bachelor(ette) “winners.” Winners because the love they found on the show was legit (so far) and not just a move based entirely on getting famous (I mean that part didn’t hurt, can anyone say free Neil Lane?).

The three who will be forced to judge the performances know little to nothing about Cirque du Soleil or dance but hey, we like seeing them. It’s Trista (cause she is puppet who ABC owns), Jason Mesnick and Ali (aww swoon, Roberto carried her out. God I love him. Beating heart be still. Okay, get it together).

Sweet, sweet Roberto. So good to see you again. It's been too long. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

Tonight’s episode of Bachelor Pad Idol features four couples who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. GO!

First up, Michelle and Graham. They play up their “romance” while playing down their ability to do the routine. It’s not horrible but in no way is it even mediocre. Hey, but at least they kissed. Let’s all just try to forget about that weird hand shake thing they did. Yeah, that was weird.

Next, Kirk and Ella. These two fail miserably. Well, to be fair – Ella fails miserably. Kirk attempts to get her in sync to no avail. They stumble through an awkward minute and descend, much to the delight of everyone watching. (Ella – I’m still pissed that you couldn’t pull it together girl. I was rooting for you).

Then the evil empire takes the stage. They are pretty decent (I’m remiss to say any of them were actually good. I think it would be insulting to Cirque du Soleil). I ask a loud “There’s no way Ali can give Kasey the rose right? Right? Right?” I am horrified that they are no horrible. At least we’ve still got Michael to put our faith in.

Stag and Holly suit up, looking like a pair of attractive lizards ready to climb their way to victory. And that they do. They are as close to good as you can get and the other contestants resign knowing they have no chance now.

It’s decision time. Of course, Jason asks Holly & Michael is they are a couple. Michael beams at Holly hoping she’ll say yes but alas, she says no and breaks Stag’s heart for the 3468465498 time.

We DID It! (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

After attempting to provide constructive feedback, they announce the winners who are of course, Michael and Holly. More importantly, the let us know the losers who are sadly (and obviously) Kirk and Ella. Boo.

The producers haul these two off into limos in a hurry, not even letting them change out of their lizard gear. Geez, a little harsh huh? Ella cries because she let down her son. But I think she should be proud – she excited the show with her dignity intact which is far more than some of the other losers can say.

Aww boo. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

The Final Roses 

The group jets back to the pad for the final rose ceremony. Michael and Holly spend the day interviewing the final couples trying to decide who they will take to the finals.

It comes down to a simple choice – Pick Vienna and Kasey and 100% guarantee a win OR pick Graham & Michelle and worry about the voting.

First they sit down with Ms. Piggy and Kermit but not before the Missus reminds Kermy to act as little like his self as possible. Stag, who has decided that the Huckleberry Finn look works for him, tries to question the pair but can’t get a word in edgewise between Kasey spewing nonsensical BS. When he says “it hurts my heart” I immediately stop listening and begin praying for Michael and Holly to choose Michelle and Graham.

The conversation ends and Vienna knows they are dunzo. She let’s us all know this by insulting Kasey for the next 5 minutes. He runs away to pout and she follows him, like a mom chasing a toddler, to chastise him some more for being such a weirdo. I’m glad I no longer have to contemplate the dynamics of this relationship. It is way too confusing.

So Vienna tells Kasey that he is a weird loud mouth and then Kasey runs away and pouts.

Nailed it.

They sit down with Graham and Michelle and let them know they are torn between being selfish or sticking with the alliance. I think this is a total dramatization. The one thing Stag has going for him is that he hates Kasey which I love about him. It almost makes me forget all the crying he’s done this season.

Rose Time.

After some melodramatic speeches from Holly and Michael about being selfish and selfless, they end up making the right choice and picking Graham and Michelle.

All is right with the world once again and it appears the evil spell Kasey cast on everyone has finally been broken. Ding dong the witch is dead.

Chris Harrison steps in and tells them to hit the road. Kick rocks Kasey.

As they ride off, Vienna breaks down sobbing while they complain about their “perfect rose record” being ruined. Waaaah Waaaah.

I decided to break down the finale into two posts. I’ll be back shortly with the dramatic finale to Bachelor Pad 2. (Sorry, I just stole that line from my man CH).

Until then… stay tuned!

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When you win but really lose: Bachelor Pad 2 Season Finale Part II

It’s the for reals finale now. We know who’s heading to the finals and more importantly, we get to see (and ABC gets to embarrass) the whole gang.

It’s time for Chris Harrison to make his money, step up to the plate and call these fools out on all the stupid s**t they did all season. Not gonna lie, I love this side of CH – you know, how he pretends to be their friend and then just insults the hell out of them. It’s moments like these when I know he’s on our side.

Everybody’s back and ready to get down to the embarrassment. Here’s the cliffs notes version.

  • Jackie & Ames – Inquiring minds were dying to know what happened to the couple who created the “most romantic moment in Bachelor Pad history” (let’s be real, this shows otherwise lacks any real “romance”).  Unfortunately (and predictably), this love fizzled fast. ABC awkwardly sat the pair next to each other where it was obvious that Jackie was still in love/heartbroken. Poor girl seemed on the verge of tears the entire episode. It didn’t help that they seemed to cut to her whenever other people were talking about finding love. Jackie seemed pretty eaten up about the end of her BP romance.
    Ames, on the other hand, just looked like his usual awkward, uncomfortable self (which I LOVE). He kind of danced around the break-up and made it sound like he did Jackie a favor by calling off the romance. Jackie was not amused.
    What was supposed to be the next great Bachelor franchise romance turned into another awkward encounter. Aww shoot. I was rooting for them. (But honestly, I was just hoping it would get Ames more TV face time.)

Please don't make us relive this. PLEASE.

  • The most annoying love triangle in Bachelor Pad history – Jake, Vienna  and Kasey – One of my favorite parts of these reunion shows is when they make the contestants own up to the shitty things they said in their interviews. Lord knows, Kasey and Vienna were chock full of horrible sound bites.
    Unfortunately for us though, we had to relive the embarrassing, awkwardness that was this love triangle. Reliving Jake saying hi to Vienna made me fast-forward without even knowing what was going on. It was a reaction I couldn’t fight.
    Vienna tried to say that she was really nice to Jake, you know, other than those moments when she was a heinous biatch but CH wasn’t buying it.  Neither was Jake or my new fav, Erica Rose who made great “judgements” throughout the show. Maybe I was a little too harsh on her judge show dreams (ps – looks like she’s lost a bunch of weight – looking good ER).
  • The Kasey Kahl sit-down –  Kermy, the self-proclaimed mastermind and godfather of the house, got his own little one on one with CH. This turned out to be the worst/best segment of the show. Pros: Kasey admitting he has a speech impediment (well that explains it!), Kasey being forced to relive some of the most embarrassing moments of TV history (which did not include his singing, shame on you ABC), Kasey getting called out for being a grade-A jerk by CH. Cons: Kasey crying (is it bad that I wanted to write “Kasey Krying”?), Kasey apologizing for being a jerk (c’mon dude, own it), Kasey talking about his love for Vienna. Woof.
  • Blake – Blake and his amazingly shiny teeth had their own little reunion show moment. Blake was full of so much drama this season which shocked his new bestie CH. We got to relive many of Blake’s more awkward moments (who knew, the most awkward was still to come!) like when he kissed Melissa (yugh), or when she went bat-shit crazy on him, or when he got caught kissing Holly by Stag. I was quite surprised that we didn’t get to see his painfully uncomfortable dinner/sex proposition from Erica.
    Then we got the BIG news. BUT before you thought he was just going to announce that he and Holly were engaged, we cut to video. Wait, seriously? ABC filmed their engagement. Are you for reals? Is there no end to what these people will sell of their lives?
    As if it was the final episode of The Bachelor, Blake and Holly are enjoying a picnic (what is it with this show and picnics?) when Blake pops the question, complete with the (free) Neil Lane engagement ring. I shook my head as the video played. It appears ABC is so desperate for a televised wedding that they’ll take whatever they can get.These leads to the bigger question… does Micheal know? Ahh, we’ll soon find out.

Thanks ABC for orchestrating another life moment!

The group chit-chats some more – Rated R hates on people, Allie gets zero camera time and Erica Rose gets some jabs in – then it’s time for the final showdown.

Stag & Holly vs. Michelle & Graham – Let’s Get it On! 

The group comes out and CH wastes no time in getting down to the awkwardness. “So Micheal, do you know the news?” CH asks, man he can be evil sometimes. Micheal looks confused before saying something about Holly and Blake moving to South Carolina.

At this point, Drew throws the remote at me, cowers under a blanket and yells ” I can’t watch, I can’t watch.” Yeah, we knew we were in for some serious SE. 

Uhh, nope. Holly turns and breaks the news, “I’m engaged.” OH SNAP. Poor Michael. I know I’ve been a Stag-hater all season but this was pretty cruel. He was literally, the last to know. I genuinely felt bad for him. I mean, this is bad. Blake has a weird, uncomfortable/happy grin, Holly looks guilty as hell and Michael, poor Michael looks so confused.

He begs for a commercial break that will not come. Thankfully, Holly starts talking so he is not forced to look like a deer in headlights any longer.

YIKES. And you thought you had a bad breakup? Well, hey, at least he can still win some cash money.

On to Graham & Michelle, who are sitting close as close can be. I find this adorable and cute at first but the odd way Graham keeps leaning in a pushing Michelle’s head so he can kiss the back of it starts to weird me out. Michelle is telling the emotional story of her father’s passing from colon cancer and all I can think about is the weird way he keeps grabbing her. It is distracting and I hate being distracted when my girl Michelle Money is talking.

Cutest Couple???

While they never come out and say they are together, they each gush about each other endlessly. Clearly there is some serious affection there. Will Graham move out to SLC? Will Michelle and her daughter pack up and move to the big city? Who knows. One thing I do know, these two would make some pretty cute babies.

Vote Time! 

Each pair makes their plea to the forum on why they should get the money. While Graham and Michelle seem like the obvious choice (charity, family, they’re just so good-looking), it appears that many cast members really loved them some Micheal and Holly.

(Apologies: I didn’t take notes during the voting, so I can’t give you a detailed break-down of who voted for whom. I was getting a little weary after 2 hours and 45 minutes of BP).

In the end, Michael and Holly won over the hearts and minds of their fellow contestants but Michelle and Graham put up a good fight. (Did anyone else notice how enthusiastically William voted for M&G? Me thinks he and Michelle were besties).

Now comes the forced drama. The way the money works is this:

The pair are separated and forced to decide if they will Share or Keep the money. If they both choose Share, they each get $125,000. If one chooses Share and the other chooses Keep, the person who said Keep will get all the money. If they both choose Keep, the other cast mates will split the money evenly.

You better pick Share.

Now let’s be real, you know they are going to Share the money. I mean, why would you risk it. Also, there is no way in hell Holly could screw Michael over like that. I’m sure we could all agree that it would be understandable for Michael to screw over Holly, but we all know he loves her too much for that to happen.

After some way way way too dramatic alone time, the pair reunite and do what we all predicted they would – Share the Money.

And just like that, it’s over. Micheal and Holly are our winners (although Holly seems like the big winner. Michael – not so much). And another Bachelor Pad season is in the books. Say goodbye to the madness. It will be back again next summer.

Does this mean Share my life with Holly? Wait it doesn't? Oh hell.

What did you think of this season as a whole? Was this your first season watching Bachelor Pad? What did you think?

Did you watch last season? Did you think it was better? Will you miss the crazies?  Do you think anyone from this season will come back for next season (I’m looking at you Gia)?

Let me know what you thought.

Oh yeah, and we get to see Ben. He’s still… Ben. Except he says he’s new and improved. I’m not convinced. We’ll have to wait until Jan. 2 (!!!!!!! So long!!!!!!) to find out. Until then, I’ll need a new show to recap on the reg. What do you all think it should be? I’m thinking Real Housewives of Beverly Hills maybe. There’s a lot of new shows starting – could be any of those! Send me your suggestions!

Until next time… stay tuned!

P.S. – They’re casting the next seasons of The Bachelor(ette) – apply here! (And then tell me about it!)

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180 Minutes of Madness: Bachelor Pad 2 Three Hour Finale Tonight on ABC

After a season full of crazies and craziness, Bachelor Pad’s second season comes to an end tonight. Yup, that’s right – this entire season of madness will be summed up in a THREE HOUR finale tonight. You read that right, Three Whole Hours. Well, you know they had to wrap this insanity up before the legit shows start again.

I, for one, am already mentally preparing. I think my DVR box is mentally preparing as well.

Who do you think it will be? Micheal and Holly? Kasey and Vienna? Graham and Michelle? Ella and Kirk (my vote, one can only hope)?

Micheal's Winning Prediction. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

More importantly, are you excited for Holly and Blake to break their engagement news? Have you prepared to deal with the monotone monster that is Ben Flajnik as the Bachelor? I’ve read that he will be there to announce his Bachelor-ness.

Ahh… so much excitement crammed (or prolonged) into three hours. You can bet that tomorrow’s post will be looooong.

Until then… stay tuned.

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Holy Legitimate Romance Batman! Blake Julian and Holly Durst are ENGAGED according to People.com

What the what? Just when you thought real love was impossible to find on The Bachelor(ette) let alone Bachelor Pad – this little tidbit of news comes and bites you on your ass.

People.com is reporting that Holly & Blake are ENGAGED. Take a minute to process that. Yes, I said engaged.

It is almost too hard to believe but I guess this means her and Stag are officially dunzo (this will make watching the show much easier). It also shows that Holly’s love note was legit. She really did love her some Blake and her deciding vote wasn’t the end of their love story. Stag must be crying somewhere right now.

I wonder if they will have little Bachelor Pad tykes and that one day they will appear on the 54th season of The Bachelor(ette). Will Chris Harrison be the official at their wedding? Will he be their babies Godfather?

While I digest this madness, check out the full story below.

WOW WOW WOW.

Until next time… stay tuned.

PEOPLE EXCLUSIVE

Bachelor Pad‘s Holly and Blake Are Engaged

BY TIM NUDD

Thursday September 08, 2011 12:20 PM EDT

Bachelor Pad's Holly and Blake Are Engaged

Holly Durst and Blake Julian (Craig Sjodin/ABC (2))

Holly Durst may have voted offBlake Julian on Bachelor Padthis week, but the note she handed him at the rose ceremony – saying that it wasn’t the end for them – has turned out to be rather telling.

That’s because the pair, both 28, who have flirted all season long, are now engaged to be married, a source tells PEOPLE.

Their courtship was always complicated, given that Durst’s former fiancé Michael Stagliano was also competing on the show, and still had feelings for her. And Julian himself was involved with fellow contestant Melissa Schreiber throughout much of the season.

But freed from the Bachelor Pad mansion, it appears their flirting has blossomed into true love.

The season 2 finale of Bachelor Pad airs Monday (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.

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Bachelor Pad 2 Episode 5 Recap: What’s Love Got to do With It?

What better way to cap off a long holiday weekend than with an episode of Bachelor Pad? I can think of so many better things but alas, those things did not happen. Bachelor Pad did. So let’s get to it.

We pick up right where we left off, at the rose ceremony. Blake comments that “Tonight’s rose ceremony was insane” and not just because Melissa was there. Well, actually just because Melissa was there. Now that she’s gone we can all look forward to a nice, peaceful, drama and crazy-free season right? Ah, if only we were so lucky.

Yay for us being so freaking cute. (Image: ABC/RICK ROWELL)

The gang heads inside where they are SURPRISE! re-greeted by Chris Harrison. CH who is more evil than ever this season, has a twist for the sad-sack of remaining contestants. No early bed times for you, CH says. It’s time to partner up for good. Whichever muppet of the opposite sex that you choose, will be your muppet from here on out. So no more fighting Kermy & Piggy. Also, you better “get to know” your partner and we don’t mean in the biblical sense.

Like the last kids picked on the playground, Blake & Melissa fumble about awkwardly before realizing no one wants to play with them. So Lips & Teeth are stuck together. I think they could make a mediocre team, you know cause Erica’s so smart and all. (She says she’s “smarter, prettier and a lot less annoying than Holly” but I can only agree on the smarter part and even then, that’s a stretch.)

The pairs (Kirk & Ella, Holly & Michael, Vienna & Kasey, Graham & Michelle, Lips & Teeth) all break and head off to private corners were they can learn important details about each other’s lives, like where they’re from, what they wanted to be when they grew up, where they went to college like how old they were when they gave their first BJ, how many people they’ve had sex with and what animal they would be.

If this isn’t the way to true love, I don’t know what it.

In between virginity stories, Blake slips in (ha, no pun intended) that he would be a flying squirrel if he could be any animal. In an effort to feel loved and accepted, this prompts Erica to answer that she would be a talking moose.

"Hey Rocky! Watch this!" Image: Classic Media

While the others mull over the details of their lives, Kasey and Vienna head to bed. Vienna is confident that they already know everything about each other since they are in a “real relationship” (cue hysterical laughter) and so they have this in the proverbial bag.

The Nearly-Wed Game. 

After a night full of fireside heart to heart chats, the gang wakes from their slumber to head out for the challenge. It’s the “Nearly-Wed Game!” And since this show is all about making yourself the center of attention, Micheal pipes up and says this game is a metaphor for his life. Which actually could be true since it’s a 50’s style game show and Michael is dressed like a cross between my grandpa and a hipster. Nice cardigan Mr. Rodgers.

P.S. – Is anyone else getting tired of Micheal’s perpetual sad-face? Cheer up, you’re getting paid to go on an extended vacation, drink heavily and compete for money. It could be a lot worse. (Well….) 

In other odd outfit combos, Michelle has thrown together her outfit from whatever was on the floor. Thankfully, we only have one full-body shot where we are forced to look at her in those dumpy red pants and yellow pumps. Michelle! You’re better than that.

Love is a Battlefield. (ABC/RICK ROWELL)

Just when I’ve gotten a little mad at her, she pops in to give us a spot on game explanation.  Why Thank You Ms. Money.

So basically, you know the drill. They have to guess what their partner will say. If they’re right, they get a point. If they’re wrong, they get a lashing (if only). The winners get roses and a date, second place gets a date. Game on.

Rather than go through it question by question, here are some of the things we learn about our favorite BP’ers:

  • Vienna requires 22 dates before she’ll give it up. YEAH RIGHT. C’mon Vienna. You’re not fooling anyone. Especially not Kasey, who guesses three.
  • Good thing Rocky & Bullwinkle talked it out, Erica nails the ‘what animal would you be?’ question with “flying” colors.
  • Kasey, on the other hand, would be a rabbit. UGHHHH. 
  • In what has to be one of the best answers of all time, Kasey says that Vienna’s exes miss her “teeth” the most. What does that even mean? Oh Kasey, not only are you repulsive, you are a repulsive idiot.
  • Least Shocking Moment in the History of the Bachelor Pad: Everyone hates Blake.
  • Michael is BITTER. Like seriously, seriously, bitter.
  • Graham lost his virginity at 7. Wait what? Oh you crazy kids and your scheming. Love, love, love that Michelle and Graham (mostly Graham) came up with a plan to scam BP. Nice work you two. (If you didn’t watch, basically if the question was a number they always answered 7, if it was about a guy in the house they always answered Michael and so on.)
  • Holly is annoying. Oh wait, we already knew that.
So anyways, there were three important take-aways in this game.
  • The whole Blake/Holly/Michael love triangle is ANNOYING.
  • Vienna and Kasey are idiots.
  • Graham and Michelle are awesome.

The seafood joke isn't funny anymore Stag. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

In the end, Graham and Michelle beat out Blake and Erica for the win. Surprisingly, Blake & Erika were awesome at remembering each other’s sexual pasts. If not for the incredible attractive and sneaky super couple, they would have won. Alas, they do not and we are forced to listen to them scheme the rest of the episode. The real losers though, appear to be Michael and Holly – watching his desperation and her attempts to sweetly push him away are becoming more painful by the minute.

On that note, the group heads back into the brothel mansion. Let the awkwardness begin!

My ears begin bleeding as I’m forced to listen to Holly squeal with delight in between snuggles with Blake. Woof.

Thankfully a date card arrives and Michelle, in one of her collection of graphic t’s, grabs it to read it to the gaggle of jealous onlookers. This unleashes the monster lying within Vienna as she threatens to eat Kasey if he doesn’t step it up in the challenges.

Look it’s a helicopter! 

Graham and Michelle throw on their date clothes and it’s date time. The group pretends to be excited as they hear an approaching helicopter. I think ABC has forgotten that we’ve seen all of these fools ride in helicopters at least once in their Bachelor(ette) careers. It is the second most common form of transportation on this show, right behind expensive foreign sports car and just ahead of private jet.

They leave the crew of filthy pajama wearers in the dust as they head out into the California sky. The helicopter lands on the same hotel roof-top where all Bachelor(ette) dates go down. They seriously must be running a shuttle between the pad and this place.

They head down to the pool and settle in for a pool-side movie night. Um, hasn’t Michelle been on this EXACT date before just with like 6 other girls. Remember during Brad’s season when they shot that cheesy music video and then watched in in their bathing suits? Yeah, this is the exact same thing except with less girls and a guy who wears less plaid (and says “Um” a whole lot less).

Back at the pad: Kirk and Ella are precious. Oh yeah and Kasey and Vienna get into a really gross fight about doing it in front of everyone (oh wait, that came out weird. The fight was in front of everyone not about doing it in front of everyone). Nothing like a little Vienna/Kasey sex talk to ruin a snack.

Thankfully for the casts stomachs but not for mine, the fight continues upstairs in Vienna’s bunk bed where she attempts to teach Kasey that “no means no.” I cover my ears in horror as they debate the likelihood of a sexual encounter. Just when I thought it was safe to uncover them, I hear the word cuddle and I immediately cover my eyes until Drew says its safe to come out from under the blanket. 

Cue the shameless product promotion while I contemplate how prune-y you must get watching an entire movie in a pool.

Clearly the movie sucks since they give up half-way in and just start making out to pass the time. These two are so good-looking, it’s not as repulsive watching them swap saliva. (I am still worried that Michelle might eat him. The way she says Graham really scares/annoys the hell out of me.)

The date is a success since Michelle and Graham clearly spent the night “connecting” their naughty parts.

Your Mission is Romance 

The mission is clear for Erica. She’s on a “mission to get missionary.” To accomplish this task, she’s packed her sexiest lingerie, her tiara and a sluttiest not often so proudly displayed on this show. Oh yeah and she’s also planning on poisoning Holly when she leaves. You know get her out of the picture and all.

Blake and Erica head off while the rest of the gang convenes a meeting of the “She-man Blake haters club.” Holly attends but doesn’t sign-in.

The date between Erica and Blake is pretty much full of nonsense until they get to the dinner table. There they find two roses. Are they safe? Will they be forced to do “it” in exchange for a rose?

Nope. These roses are to be given out. Used as a bargaining tool as a last-ditch way to save themselves. Erica believes that the best way to use them is as sex toys in their Mission Inn hotel room but Blake’s not so sure.

No but really, Erica seriously wants to get it on with Blake. I’m afraid she’s just going to undress and lay on the table in front of him. Their entire date is spent with Erica laying it on THICK about how badly she wants to do him and how she thinks it is the best “move” for them in the game.

Erica sees Melissa’s insanity and raises her. I get the awkward goosebumps watching this. It is unreal. It takes a turn from weird to totally incomprehensible when she gets legitimately mad that he won’t sleep with her. Like seriously mad.

Back at the pad: Holly and Michael have the same conversation they have EVERY episode. The one with him acting desperate while she whisper whines/cries. UGH. I am so over these two. Rather than listen, I try to find which muppet I think Holly looks most like. I’m torn between these two: 

After making Michael run away in sadness for the 254435 time, Holly and Ella grab their favorite hair accessories and sit down for a fire-side chat about feelings. 

Back at the dinner table, Erica has taken off her panties and left them on Blake’s plate. Seriously, that could have happened. Instead of heading off to the fantasy suite, Blake nervously chuckles while Erica’s sexual anger grows exponentially.

This conversation actually happened:

Blake: You assumed I would just hop right on there.

Erica: Yeah and I’m upset that you’re not.

Later…

Erica: I’m not the one who has to worry about my reputation.

Oh honey, bless your heart.

Game Time

Finally home from the date from hell, Blake is forced to forgive Erica’s madness to figure out who they should give the safety roses to. After dangling the bait in front of Kirk and Ella (you know, the semi-normal ones who really need the money and most likely will not stab you in the back), Blerica makes the worst decision of their lives (well, okay maybe like the 5th worst. Somewhere after appearing on this show) and give the roses to KASEY AND VIENNA.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I yell at the screen loudly scaring my dog and husband.

Blake thinks he can really trust Kasey. Ugh, I wouldn’t trust that muppet to take out my trash.

This rose ultimately seals their fate. It also causes Ella to run away crying. I would cry too if someone chose Kasey over me for anything even mildly positive.

It appears we are stuck with these a-holes for another episode. Woof. To make matters worse, we are forced to watch Vienna do some sort of silent, mime routing with her rose. Double Woof.

Rose Ceremony: 

CH pops in before joining clubbing to let the gang know that the ladies must cast the votes.

Lots of whispering and strategery take place deciding between Kella or Blerica.

I, for one, think that Blake should be sent home for being the biggest dummy of all time (and because I can’t stand him and Holly anymore).

Vienna & Kasey are afraid of going head-to-head with Kirk and Ella in the final (as they should be) since Kella have moral and are well-liked. But in the end, our girl Michelle Money puts her foot down and tells Vienna she’s voting for Blerica.

Predictably it comes down to Holly’s vote. Will she choose love (in the loosest form of the word) or doing the right thing (and by right, I mean what everyone else is doing).

I pray out loud that she votes for Blerica because if Kirk and Ella go home there will be no hope for mankind left on this show and we’ll be forced to watch this gang of monkeys (except for my girl Michelle) run around binge drinking, hooking up and crying.

Roses go to…

Vienna & Kasey, Michelle & Graham, Michael & Holly and…..

KIRK AND ELLA! YAY! 

Blake, who is a supreme idiot, gets what he deserves and Erica is crazy collateral damage. He heads off knowing that Holly cast the deciding vote. But wait, it’s not over yet. She wrote him a love letter. All is not lost, she promises that their love will continue outside the pad.

Uh, yeah right.

What did you all think of last night’s episode? Are you happy that Blake is gone? Will you miss Erica’s tiaras?

Until next time… stay tuned!

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Wearing Crazy on Every Article of Clothing. Bachelor Pad 2 Episode 4 Recap

Last week on Bachelor Pad, things went dark right before they sent Jake packing. Would it be a surprise twist? Would he go nutso and attack Kasey? Would he be staying in a tie vote? Lots of conspiracy theories led up to a big giant disappointment. I’m especially upset with my boy Chris Harrison who swore it would be epic in his Entertainment Weekly blog post. Chris, just like everyone else on these shows, you lied. Should have seen it coming but I didn’t expect it from you.

So anyways, we’re back and Kasey of course, leads off with another threat (not a promise) “I swear if he says anything to me, I’m going to punch him in the mouth.” Nope that’s another lie. Jake does indeed say something and Kasey doesn’t throw a single punch but he does tell him to go “kick rocks.” Burn.

"What am I doing with my life?" CH ponders as he prepares to kick off the kissing contest. (ABC/GREG ZABILSKI)

Jake  tells everyone they “had the chance to do something really special” which is weird and then does an awkward bow to Vienna while leaving  everyone with the least cryptic message possible, “Vote off Kasey and Vienna.” Okay maybe not that obvious, but you get the point.

Side note: Did anyone else hear Michelle Money tell Kasey, “I love you” when she gave him the rose? C’mon Michelle, you’re better than that.

Kasey celebrates by telling us all that the “devil’s gone” thus continuing his string of consecutive episodes with over-exaggerations and false promises. Yup friends, this is the mastermind of “best straTEEgist” in the game (seriously can he not pronounce any word correctly? how much saliva is blocking him from properly saying words?).

All in all a major disappointment on that hanging chad of an episode.  Oh well, luckily for all of us, Melissa will bring enough SE for three seasons in this single episode.

Post Rose Ceremony, Vienna thanks everyone for kicking Jake off for her. It’s always about this one isn’t it? Thankfully our chief litigator, Erica Rose (starring in Torts & Tiaras this fall on Oxygen), is there to root out the truth. She’s on to Kasey and Vienna and vows to bring them down. If only I thought she was capable of such conniving.

After a quick montage showing us that we better be prepared for a lot more annoying Michael & Holly drama, we’re back at the pad for…

The Challenge – Pucker Up… If you dare.

Chris Harrison is on the scene and thankfully, finally picked up his dry cleaning – no longer needing to rely on Brad’s Goodwill pile for his latest stylings.

The camera pans past William and Drew exclaims out loud, “Wait William’s still on here?” Yup, it’s shocking to us all hun. But enough of that, we’ve got a challenge to get to. A very special challenge …

The Kissing Contest!

Instead of being full of excitement and anticipation, the house tries to conjure up a bunch of false morals (I’m looking at you Michelle Money) and immediately a hand full of people are all like “No, I can’t do it. That’s gross.” Um, HELLO!! You all are on BACHELOR PAD! Do I need to remind you that it’s a reality TV show where they encourage you to hook up and then stab your friends in the back for money? Yeah, you’re on THAT show.

Bitch Please. I'm for sure the best kisser. (ABC/GREG ZABILSKI)

Ugh, sorry for the rant but last season the BP gang were all over this challenge. They loved it. Natalie almost jumped out of her cropped top for this challenge. So to see this group just totally dismiss it, I was hit with a couple of emotions. Really I wasn’t mad, just disappointed.

Thankfully, someone reminded these idiots that they are on Bachelor Pad and, with the exception of Michelle (who must have one real moral, yeah just one), the gang decide to give this whole kissing thing a go.

Blake who couldn’t be more cheesy if he tried throws in the expected Charlie Brown “the doctor is in” reference and we’re off!

Holly (who I’ve also decided resembles a muppet) gets the first set of smooches. A romantic moment is coming since ABC cues up track 5 from the “On the Wings of Love Greatest Hits collection.” This means Michael and Holly will share a manufactured, forced romantic moment. Very similar to their entire relationship except without track 5 always playing in the background. While the rest of the guys respectfully plant a peck kiss on Holly, Blake goes in for the kill (it killed my insides having to watch it). this kiss lasted so long I had time to go to the kitchen, get water and a snack and be back in time to catch the last five seconds.

I settled back in just to see Melissa begin to unravel. Melissa, who is so mentally unhinged at this point that I wouldn’t want to stand within double arms distance of her, believes that Blake’s efforts in the kissing contest are just for her. That smooch wasn’t a way to win a slutty contest but rather the way to her heart.

And just in case you didn’t already hate Vienna, she steps up to bat with a warning for the fellas, “Don’t be sticking ya’lls tongues in my mouth.” Duly noted Vienna. (Note to self – Remember to eat a very light dinner before BP until Vienna is voted off.) Does anyone else think Vienna is channeling Britney Spears from her trucker hat, cut-offs, eye-liner, early K-Fed days?

On to the ladies. Michelle Money decides to sit this one out since she has a daughter and “morals.” I’m not sure that people on this show should talk about morals but moving on. Ella, who also has a child but is here for the money honey, puckers up and is ready to get her make-out on.

She gives us a very in-depth description of why she’s a great kisser while I cover my eyes and pray for it to end. We did get two great pieces of information in this challenge though. 1. It’s 100% confirmed that Erica’s lips are “maintain[ed] with injections every six months.” 2. As we all predicted, Kasey Kahl has bad breath. I predict it smells like farts and dust (Too gross? Sorry).

I’m sure you all want me to talk about Holly & Micheal’s “magical” kiss. But I’m not going to. I’m tired of these two.

Kasey + Melissa = Vomit. (ABC/GREG ZABILSKI)

All in all, this open mouth kissing marathon made me a little nauseous after dinner but I like that they’re letting their slutty side shine. Now for the winners… as the editing predicted Blake & Ella are the winners.

Their  superlative in the Bachelor Pad yearbook is now officially “Best Kisser.” (Oo, I may have to do an entirely separate post breaking down superlatives for the entire cast. Woo Hoo)

Blake winning the challenge opens up the flood gates of crazy for Melissa. Watch out Blake because this girl is unrelenting (just ask the camera men who have been chasing her ass around the house).

Melissa is BEAMING. She’s still got those glossed-over crazy eyes but for about a split-second she looks happy. Like she’s finally going to get it. And by it I mean “it” with Blake in the fantasy suite.

The Sweetest Thing

So the date card (of course Melissa rushes to the door, thinking it’s for her and Blake) comes and it’s Ella’s turn to take one guy out on a date (thank god it’s not a group date). She picks Kirk which makes me happy since these two are the only ones who seems slightly normal as well as deserving of the money.

They head off in a fancy red Ferrari because ABC likes for these people to have the finest things in life for fleeting moments so that when they head back to their normal life they are utterly depressed, thus forcing them to come back and participate in things like Bachelor Pad and slutty reunion meet-ups. “Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to ride in a helicopter again!”

Ella takes the wheel and they take the one mile drive to the other mansion ABC owns for these shows. You remember this little lodge/house. It’s where Bentley made us all cry by using the phrase “dot dot dot” and then Ashley hid her sorrows in that purple comforter. Remember?

Back at the pad Melissa is NUTS. It’s like she’s having a psychotic break on speed. She is out of control. Her insanity is giving ME hives and I cover my eyes and create a shield with the blanket, hoping her crazy doesn’t seep out of the TV and infect us all.

And just in case you were on the fence about her craziness, ABC cues up the kooky music which just further confirms the madness. I’m paying close attention to the music, hoping it doesn’t turn to the scary track cause that means she is for sure killing Blake and/or Holly.

After following Blake around and acting super desperate, Blake finally drops the bomb on Melissa – he may not be taking her on the date. Oh hell. You can see the anxiety and crazy swirling around inside her, just waiting to explode out her eyes in tears of desperation. Just when I think I can’t take watching this anymore we’re… 

Back on the date. Yikes that was rough. So back with Kirk and Ella and things are cute and sweet and nice. Kirk tells Ella about his college house from hell sickness and Ella tops his sickness by telling him that her step-dad murdered her Mom in front of her and her little sister.

These two are precious. I heart them and I heart them even more together. I’ll even forgive Kirk’s odd outfits and Ella’s graphic tees. They are sweet and I hope they win the money. And if they get a little make-out in between, well good for them.

This moment is ruined by going…

Back to the Casa del Crazy. In an attempt to escape Melissa’s madness, Blake accepts a sensual massage from Erica. They head off to a secluded lounger where Erica mounts him and holds him hostage with her bazooka joe’s until he agrees to be her partner. After releasing him from the suffocating pressure of her boobs, Blake considers Erica’s offer while sharing a romantic arm stroke. To sweeten the pot for partnership, Erica tells Blake “If you brought me [on the date], I would do whatever you wanted. 100%” Blake tells her she makes a great argument which Erica naturally attributes to her being in law school (Will you accept this verdict?). Get me out. of. here. 

Kirk and Ella’s night of romance ends with a hot air balloon ride in the backyard. “This is the first time I’ve ever had a hot air balloon set up in my backyard.” says Kirk. Really? That’s so shocking. You don’t drive Ferrari’s, ride in hot air balloons and take helicopters every where you go? Peasant.

This little love fest ends with a kiss shared in a cramped space with a camera man and the hot air balloon operate awkwardly looking on. Romance at its finest.

Dr. Love 

So the date card comes and Blake must choose who will enjoy the “slippery slopes” with Blake (and no, that is not a sexual metaphor). This causes Melissa to uncontrollably spit out (and then take back quickly) “We could be going sk……” (True confession – we watched that part like 5 times, I thought it was hilarious. Poor Melissa is so desperate for Blake’s affection that it is comical.)

Yeah, you're right. It is great having two boys fight over you. (ABC/GREG ZABILSKI)

After spewing out some pure bullshit, Blake lays a shocker on everyone (okay, no one) and picks Holly. She accepts and Melissa is PISSED. “This is f**ked up” she says, making everyone uncomfortable and a little scared for their safety.

Let the madness begin. She begins huffing through the house in her bedazzled PJ’s (seriously, is she too distraught to get dressed? She is always in her pajama’s) and some house shoes she borrowed from Snooki.

Michelle Money comes on to describe this situation perfectly, “Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves but Melissa wears hers on every article of clothing she’s wearing every single day…. Including her hair tie. And her panties…. All of it.” Just when I thought I wasn’t on Team Michelle Money anymore, she comes back and steals my heart with that line.

As the crazy boils inside her, Melissa plots Blake's demise. (Photo from Buddytv.com)

Her craziness knows no bounds and honestly, I am tired of talking about it.  (But did you all see her stirring that yogurt to death? Someone save that Dannon.) I will leave you with my favorite Melissa line of the night. “He pinky swore. So I did my hair and my nails.”

Okay never mind, there’s one more, “I think you all should disqualify him for being a douchebag.” She says to the producers. “Aw honey” they respond, “If that was ground for disqualification, none of you would be here.”

To end this live segment from the looney bin, Melissa confronts Blake who is taking care of his dental hygiene for the evening. He promises to talk to her once he’s done brushing. And she waits. And waits. And waits, until Bachelor Pad cuts to commercial accompanied by the sweet sounds of his power brusher. Well played Bachelor Pad.

Going Down The Slippery Slope 

I found this date predictable and boring which also sums up my feelings about Blake and Holly. To be quite honest, I am getting tired of Holly. While I could watch Melissa act crazy for days, watching Holly cry about having too many boys like her is annoying… and boring.

So here’s my quick recap.

Limo. Flirting. Drinking. Private Plane. Flirting. Drinking. Flying. Skiing. Flirting. Drinking. Falling. Falling. Laughing. Falling. Fireside Picnic. Flirting. Confessing. Drinking. Overnight Suite. Drinking. Flirting. Kissing. Lights off. Giggling.

Blech. (photos from Buddytv.com)

Really, that’s all you need to know. That and that Holly turned her ear muff into a hipster headband.

Back at the pad: I an provide a similar recap to what was going on. 

Michael. Pouting. Staring. Lonely. Crying. Melissa. Crazy. Crying. Annoying. Micheal. Sad. Sulking. All-nighter pulling. Pouting. Waxing Poetic. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. 

As Holly and Blake waltz back into the mansion, I can’t help but think that Holly is playing everyone here. She seems all ditzy and flirty and nice but what if she really is just playing this game like a pro? Nah, that’s giving her too much credit.

Pad-ness 

When Holly gets back, Micheal literally RUNS to her. Desperate much? She was gone for ONE day. He and Melissa both are a little unhinged. No wonder Blake and Holly want to get away from them.

Michael wraps Holly up in hugs of love and begs her to love him back. She is kinda on the fence about the whole thing and keeps stringing him along. Blah blah blah until Holly tells Michael she kissed Blake. He gets all pissed and I am thankfully we finally get to stop watching this.

Rose ceremony!

After finding out who the cast of Dancing with the Stars will be (Chas Bono, Ron Artest, David Arquette, Kirstin Cavillari, Hope Solo and some other peeps) it’s on to the Rose Ceremony.

When is this going home? (photo from Buddytv.com)

CH appears on the scene ready to break the tension with his trademark combo os skinny ties, a case of champagne and a little attitude. We learn there will be no twists – just one man and one lady going home.

Instead of a booze-filled night of whispers, we get an all-out crazy fest. With people (and by people I mean Kasey and Melissa) running around trying to “save” themselves.

At first it appears the group is going to get rid of Vienna and Kasey (Woo HOO!!! Sweet hallelujah!) but then Kasey starts assaulting people with his Miami Vice suit and annoying pleas.

Just know “this money is necessary for my grandma to live.” A scheming Kasey tells a gaggle of mindless followers. Ugh.  It appears the king of all douches will live to play another day. Woof. Poor William.

All the while, Melissa is carrying around her blanket of crazy, begging everyone to “swear they won’t vote her off.” It gets so bad that, at one point, as Melissa runs up to a group, Graham begs to keep her crazy ass away from him.

Everyone lies straight to her face, saying they are voting Erica off. Melissa seems to buy it for a little bit before realizing her fate is sealed. She will be taking the limo straight to the mental ward.

Rose Time:

The twins (Blake and Kirk), Ella and Holly are safe.

Graham, Michelle (why was she crying?), Erica and Michael are safe. We’re down to the final four.

In the end, predictably William and Melissa go home.

William gets in the limo with dignity (I know, I didn’t know he had that in him) but breaks down a little once protected by the walls of the limo. Poor guy just couldn’t hang with all the backstabbing and scheming. Maybe he should have worked in some muppet impersonations. That would have definitely entertained me helped.

Well Melissa, you really showed us that you're normal and fun and cool, right? (Photo from Buddytv.com)

Then it’s Melissa’s last hurrah! She tries to hold it together but in the limo she does the worst thing to ever be seen on television. She holds in her tears thus turning her face into a monster mash of lunacy. It is embarrassing and beyond awkward. Guess love just wasn’t in the cards for ole girl. I’m sad to see her go.

PSYCHE!

So that was Bachelor Pad. Honestly, I wasn’t thrilled with this episode. Too much crazy clouded this recap. Hopefully we’ll get some better SE next week.

No more challenge, so I’m not sure what else I’ll be recapping this week. Gotta find another show. Suggestions?

Until next time… stay tuned.

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Move over Elle Woods, Erica Rose Esquire Coming Through

Earlier this week we saw the trashiest tiara wearer  in all the land carrying around a gavel in her hunt to eliminate Kasey from “the game” on Bachelor Pad. Why, I asked aloud, is our pretty pretty princess working legal mumbo jumbo into her regularly scheduled vapid musings?

Erica? Is that you?

One helpful reader helped fill me in on the deets. It appears Erica Rose is in law school. Yowza.

According to her website TheEricaRose.com(yes, you can book her for parties, bar mitzvahs, club openings or any other event where a scary plastic surgery remnant is needed),  Erica is in law school.

Erica lives in Houston and concluding her final year of law school at the University of Houston.  Her new goal is to put her judgmental attitude for the greater good and have her own court show as a younger, hotter, Judge Judy.  “Dr. Phil” agreed and endorsed Erica’s career as an Entertainment Legal expert.

Okay first off, she’s almost done with law school?!? I knew she was smarter than she appeared.

Second, speaking of her appearance, what has happened to her? She looks totally different in this picture. If it weren’t for the tiara and extensions, I’d think I was on the wrong website.

And last but certainly not least, is she for real with that last sentence? “Her new goal is put her judgmental attitude for the greater good and have her own court show as a younger, hotter Judge Judy.” Seriously? I’m not even going to mention the grammatical errors, what I really want to focus on is the “younger, hotter Judge Judy” part and the fact that Dr. Phil has “endorsed” her. I thought Bachelor Pad was crazy but this is sheer madness.

What would Erica’s show be called? Let’s have a name Erica’s show contest with no prize except my love & adoration (and a mention on the blog, but we all know that can’t be worth much).

I’m confused by the alien sent from another planet to melt our brains human being that is Erica Rose. Just when I think I have her pined down, she throws us a curve ball.

Can’t get enough of Ms. Rose? Keep up to date with which Muppet Baby she’s hanging out with by following her on twitter, @LegallyErica  

Don’t forget to play the “Name Erica’s Show” game in the comments section below. I’m excited to hear some doozies.

I wasn’t able to watch the challenge last night but I promise I will tonight and I’ll post the recap tomorrow.

Until then… stay tuned!

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Filed under Bachelor Pad, The Bachelor