Tag Archives: Arts

‘Love in the Wild’ Episode 2 Recap: A Match Made in Jungle Heaven.

Note: For some reason, you can’t get pictures off of NBC’s site. So I apologize in advance for the lame pics. 

So summer TV has been pretty bleak for me this week. I literally had nothing to watch until Wednesday at 10 pm, at which point I had everything to watch: Love in the Wild, The Challenge: Rivals AND Toddlers & Tiaras. What is a girl to do?

I’ve decided to go with the network fare first, so Love in the Wild it is. I’m also quite happy that I will be heading home to a full DVR and not re-runs of Flipping Out and Million Dollar Decorators (or whatever else Bravo is showing these days).

The adventure begins with a derigeur montage. Let me start by saying that a montage narrated by an Aussie is much better than a standard montage. Also a montage with hot tub scenes from the first episode is always a good sign. Although, I will say from the start that this week’s episode left me with a ‘meh’ feeling. I’m glad last week’s episode was a bit better but I am hopeful that Love in the Wild can hit its stride once the number of contestants goes down a little bit.

Nine Couples remain. Let’s get wild.

Ben - is that you?

Since almost everyone switched partners last week, the episode kicks off with the awkward moving out scenes. The bimbos pack up their halter tops and dudes wad up their tight tees and head on over to their new rooms. During the switch, Ben pretty much sums up his life by saying, “Some girls would say I’m the nicest guy ever. Some girls would say I’m the biggest dick they’ve ever met.” Agreed Ben. What I want to know is the ratio of nice guy: dick. I am going to say 90:10. He kind of reminds me of a grown-up Bobby from “Bobby’s World” the seminal 90′s cartoon voiced by reality-tv judge Howie Mandel. This resemblance creeps me out and any part of me that was going to give him a chance, is now too scared to comment.

A lot of these couples have barely spoken, so what better way to get to know someone than to share a be with them on the first night. I believe in college this is called a night at the bars.

Fun things we learn during the move – the black guy turned out to the be the surfer dude. I totally had the Geico caveman pegged as the surfer but once Jason said he was “stoked” about sharing his room with Erica, he locked that up. I’m also pretty sure that Erica may be a little crazy and that Vanessa is, for sure, A LOT crazy.

This is confirmed when she says, “I think Steele and I are the best matched couple. He’s tall dark and handsome and I look like a cross between a fat cat and an old Eva Longoria.” Okay, so maybe she didn’t say that last part but the majority of that is straight from the cat’s mouth.  She takes it over the line when she tells us that she wants two boys and a girl (in that order, in case you were wondering)  and it would be great to have that with someone like Steele. COOO KOOO.

Now on the important stuff, hanging in the hot tub. As desperation steams off the jacuzzi, Steele discovers why the season fall is so named. This bit of knowledge he drops on Kym clearly knocks her socks (or top – but that’s later) off.  Her clear amazement gives us a look into how dumb she actually is. I’m just hoping (for their sake) that the hot water is messing with their brains (Wishful thinking, I know). How this guy is a professional anything amazes and frightens me at the same time.

Adventure Time. Bridge Maze.

Me Caveman. Me Likey.

I’m going to take a quick break from mocking to tell you all how much I adore this host. Darren is no-nonsense. He lets the contestants know that if they fall to their deaths in the bridge maze (is this a real possibility?) that they can die as a couple. This is because they will be tied together. See this is the kind of honesty I’ve been looking for in reality TV (also the kind of treatment I’ve been expecting for the contestants. Wait what? They won’t fall to their death. aw hell.)

Basically, I think the producers just think of ways to get these couples to annoy the shit out of each other. Here’s an idea. Let’s tether them together and make them climb all kinds of crazy high bridges and then let’s make it a maze and not give them maps. And finally…. we’ll make them race! I can just see them all sitting around a table nodding proudly in agreement.

If the couple can accomplish all of this without gouging their partner’s eyes out, they get to spend a night in the fantasy suite (or whatever they call it on this show).

This whole adventure kind of bored me. So here is a bulleted re-cap:

  • Team Kym/Adam are seriously made for this show. He has a giraffe neck and she has monkey ears. They are a perfect pair.
  • Jason and Erica are NOT a perfect pair. He is polite, friendly and mildly normal. She is bossy, easily annoyed and bitchy. Woof.
  • Brandee is Peyton from Bachelor Pad’s long-lost sister.
  • Ben sucks.
  • Derek is a big scaredy cat (and screams like a little girl) and Jessica is a sassy, nonsense broad. I like her.
  • Vanessa continues her quest to be the craziest cat lady on reality tv. She also compares Steele to Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde. Yup, she for real said that.
  • Vanessa and Steele are no longer in love (in Vanessa’s imaginative mind). Their 2 day long love-story is officially over.
  • Skip is tight and cool. Mostly because he knows he is all brawn and no brains (his words not mine). I appreciate his honesty.
  • Peter is 100% Geico Caveman.
  • Kym should not wear her hair in a ponytail. Ever.

Bats & Bimbos

So the jungle bunnies Kym and Kyle win the race. The rest of the jokesters fall in line somewhere behind them with Vanessa and Steele bringing up the rear.

Kym and Kyle head off to the fantasy suite while the rest of the group heads back to camp.  At the fantasy suite, Kym and Kyle decide to dress up for dinner which translates to slut as “so you’re saying there’s a chance.”

At dinner these two find out they have absolutely nothing in common. She likes dogs (I still contend that yorkies should really count as dogs) while Kyle, surprisingly likes cats. He wants kids, she’s not having any rugrats. Actually, she says she doubts she’ll ever be mature enough for them. I wholeheartedly agree. Don’t do it Kym. We don’t need any more reality tv peeps procreating. Teen Mom, Toddlers & Tiaras and The Duggars are taking care of that for us.

While Kyle finds all of their differences appealing (translation: are we hooking up tonight or what?), Kym is not having it (translation: no way jose).

Back at the ranch. Erica continues to hate Jason. Derek and Jessica smooch in the hammock. And Steele and Vanessa decide they officially hate each other. All the while, Ben continues to annoy everyone including Brandee  aka his only hope. On the brighter side, Miles impresses Heather with a jungle picnic where we learn that Miles is an experienced slap the bag player (isn’t that what it means when you say you like boxed wine?).

After sobbing about how she “deserves” love (why do all people on dating shows say that?), Vanessa decides to get her cat face under control and find some men to dig her claws into (sorry for all the cat puns, i can’t help it). She finds Peter and the two if them decide that they are the least attractive people on the show and therefore, should pair up. This strategy is a good one and worked for that wonky eyed weirdo on Paradise Hotel 2 a few years back. This might be the best thing these two have done so far.

The And once again, LITW is picking up where the Bachelorette disappoints. They are going on helicopter ride!

Returning to the fantasy suite, our jungle duo pack up to prepare for their helicopter ride. THANK YOU LOVE IN THE WILD. I was seriously going through helicopter ride withdrawal. In her quest to totally ruin The Bachelorette, it appears Ashley H. has eliminated helicopter dates. What a bia.

Kym continues dropping truth by pointing out that Costa Rica is nothing like Boston. Ya think? What was it  - the mountains? The lush green landscapes? The JUNGLE?

Rather than make this a nice date, Kym decides to make s**t as awkward as possible and tells chin strap that she will not be in feed of his services anymore and that she would rather settle with the guy names after a building material.

Did anyone else notice how big of a bia Kym was on this whole date? She was rolling her eyes every other second and making that dumb face 14-year-old girls make when their mom embarrasses them. If I was Kyle, I would have been like – “hey monkey ears. I did you a favor and I won’t forget this snub when you are wasting away in the single line at elimination.” Instead, he acts dumb and tells her he would team up with her again. So yeah, it’s awkward.

Is this too tight?

Elimination Time aka The Swap Meet.

Girl gets to choose first this time around. Remember that Kym and Kyle can pick whoever they like and that person cannot say no. Everyone else is a crap shoot.

Kym’s up. She decides to swing on over to Steele. So we ‘ve got another jungle duo. A  little monkey-eared Kym and the big gorilla Steele. A match made in marsupial heaven.

Kyle picks Heather much to her chagrin. She was loving her some Miles.

Jess (who both looks and dresses cute) picks Derek (duh, they’ve been smooching in the hammock the last 24 hours).

This leaves Peter alone, so rather than go with the plan and pick old Eva. He bails on her and “goes with his heart” by asking Erica. Erica disses him and says no thanks Geico man, I’m taking my insurance to State Farm. So off to the loser line he goes.

Next up, Ben and Brandee. These two decide to “stick it out” for another episode. I’m thinking these two may have a shot to go all the way (not that way). I just hope Ben doesn’t annoy me too much along the way.

Teresa and Skip are up. I like these two. They are sweet and harmless or as they put it all brawn/beauty and no brains. They decide to stay together which I hope means they’ll get more screen time next episode.

The honeymooners Samantha and Mike decide to get married stick together. This means we’ll be seeing more of their home  videos. Woof.

Erica and Jason are up to bat and you know these two are splitting up. Erica picks Miles and he agrees to give it a go.

The final decision comes down to Jason. If the girl he picks accepts, then Peter and the remaining chick have to pack their bags. If the girl he picks doesn’t choose him, then he could be gone.

He goes with Jessica (who I love) and she accepts which means Peter and Vanessa are going home. Nice move, Peter. Way to let your heart get you sent home. Don’t be confused though, I am totally happy about this. I could barely stand to look at these two anymore. Bracelets off. Syonara suckers.

So, like I said before, I wasn’t too thrilled with this episode. It wasn’t boring, it just lacked oomph. I think next week will be better when there are fewer couples. Let’s stick with it friends – I think we could have a good one on our hands.

So, I wasnt thrilled with this episode but I think now that we;re getting fewer couples it will get better. Stick with this friends. I think we’ve got a good one on our hands (the previews for next week showed a lot of people kissing in hot tub so I know the SE factor will be high).

What do you think of this show? Who are your favorites? Or more importantly, who makes your skin crawl?

The Challenge is up next. Until then… stay tuned.

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Oops The Countess Did it Again: Countess Luann de Lesseps “Chic C’est La Vie”

Thank you to the wonderful Lauren Hardage  for sending me this some piece of SE. Once again our favorite Real HouseCountess has decided that being rich and saying darling aren’t all there is in life so she is gracing us with another foray into the music world. Now, let me be real with you here. This is by no means legit music. Mostly this is a bored rich lady talking over a club beat. And just because it’s fun to be on camera, she recruited two of her fellow Housewives (Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimmon-Killet) to seat dance with her in her music video.

As if “Money Can’t Buy You Class” wasn’t enough, LuAnn is now happy to present “Chic, C’est La Vie.” When you couple this music video with Mother Nature’s recent fury, I’m fairly certain that the end of days is near.

For your viewing displeasure…

I’m going to go ahead and say the best part  is when she references each Housewife individually. Ramona you bring the pinot, LuAnn will bring her diamonds.

I’ll be back soon with a review of my new favorite show (move over Ashley!) Love in the Wild.

Until then… stay tuned.

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What are we watching next? Spreading the SE Beyond The Bachelorette

Happy Friday friends.

So I’ve been thinking. I think we’ve all agreed that this season of The Bachelorette isn’t stellar. It’s not even really that great. It’s kind of meh. This doesn’t mean I am going to stop watching (and recapping), it just means I’m less than enthused about Ashley H.’s search for love.

I need some secondary embarrassment excitement in my life. I’m planning on dedicating some time over the weekend to catch up on the latest season of Toddlers & Tiaras after which I will faithfully blog about the experience. But I need something new to commit to and I want you all to be on board with it.

What I’m asking is, what other show do I NEED to be watching (with my laptop, taking notes as it happens) without the use of my trusty DVR. What would you like to read about the next day? Housewives (of the New Jersey variety), Big Brother, any new summer show (of the dating and/or talent variety), something else on Bravo.

Is there some undiscovered treasure trove of SE that I have no idea about? Please share the love.

If I get zero comments on this post, I’ll know that the love was not shared. And then I’ll be personally embarrassed which will require another blog post. It’s a vicious circle.

Photo: Bravo TV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help a friend out.

Until then… stay tuned.

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Make it stop. The Most Painful Season in the History of The Bachelorette. Episode 3 Recap Part I

And we’re back. Back to repeat dates, insecure Ashley (wait, you’re all here for ME!) and douchey dudes or what I like to call an awesome Monday night (yes, my life really is that lame). I will say though that half-way through this episode I considered throwing in the towel on this show. What was once an entertaining train wreck of a dating show is turning into a re-run taken over by Backstreet Boy wannabes dancing around a desperate cheerleader. It’s getting ROUGH to sit through two hours of this.

Chris Harrison, professional reality TV contestant herder rounds-up the dudes (lots of  cowboy, dude ranch references this season – wonder where that is coming from?) to tell them how the show works. Again. Chris, we get it. They go on dates every week. And every week Ashley gives out roses. Can we just skip this part next time?

The guys look mildly excited at best with the exception of JP who has a huge grin on his face (don’t ask my why I love this guy, it’s unexplainable other than his good looks. Normally I would be ripping the excited dude in a v-neck tee. This season, I love him).  Despite his excitement, JP does not get the first date instead it goes to our friend Ben “I just want to dance” C.

Before heading out, William (my new least favorite) is acting like the goofy uncle always pulling your leg at the family Christmas party. “She doesn’t like it when you open the car door for her.” “Make sure you don’t compliment her.” Ugh, if I was Ben C. I would have pushed him in the face and left already.

Shocker, behind-the-scenes Ashley is talking about how she can’t believe the guys are here for her. I’m guessing the 987 times she’s said this up to now has been foreshadowing the insults coming at the comedy show but honestly enough already. The shows about you. You’re the Bachelorette. If these guys aren’t here for you (which they’re not, they are there for fame with a chance of hooking up), then you send them home. That’s how it works. Chris Harrison should be explaining the rules to Ashley each episode, not the guys.

Snap if you think I'm a good dancer! (ABC/Rick Rowell)

On to the date, you know this one is gonna be a doozy. We head over to a dance studio where Ashley, once again, shakes her groove thing in an effort to show us how hot and sexy she really is (“I’m a good dancer! Let me choreograph some sexy dance moves so you’ll think I’m really pretty and then you’ll like me… hopefully.”) We get it, you’re a good dancer. But is it now required for every episode to have you in a Flashdance-style outfit baring your midriff while you sway your hips seductively?

Ben tells her they make a “cute team” (what straight man says that?) while he practices his dance moves. After mastering some steps, the duo head over to that mall in LA where they film ‘Extra’ (where’s Mario Lopez when you really need a good dancer?). Instead of doing something original (like stage a fake wedding) the producers opt to rip-off an episode of ‘Modern Family’ and thousands of You Tube videos by creating a flash mob which in case you didn’t notice from the 67 product plugs was created by Flash Mob America.

Side Note: Are flash mobs that big now where there is a company dedicated to their creation? Also, is Flash Mob America opening franchises? If so, I want one.

So Ben and Ashley are having a really weird picnic in the middle of the mall (cause isn’t that the best place for a romantic picnic?) while hoards of people watch them. Despite the fact that there are obviously at least 1000+ people watching them, Ashley tries to reassure that no one cares about their picnic and that they should practice their dance moves.

SURPRISE! I taught you the electric slide! (ABC/Rick Rowell)

C’mon dude. You’ve got to know something is up. I mean, really? Wasn’t he even like a little suspicious. I thought you had a law degree Ben, you’ve got to be smarter than this. Apparently not though, because he looks insanely surprised when the music starts (Ashley’s face when the music started gave me enough SE that I wanted to change the channel that moment).

Cue the contrived flash mob. Now, as a pretty big fan of a well-done flash mob (see here and here and here) I thought this could be promising from the previews. Instead this was the worst, most awkward and embarrassing flash mob ever. What made it even worse was the dancing white dude in the center of the action. Horrible.

As I try to contain me secondary embarrassment, Drew (the hubs in case this is your first time here) looks over at me with a giant grin on his face and confesses that he REALLY wants to be in a flash mob. I’m a little worried that he may be looking to join any Louisville-based flash mobs ASAP or even worse, he could be in the process of orchestrating his own right now. Hopefully he knows a good dancer to choreograph cause it sure as hell won’t be this gal (or the flash mob would be even worse than the one we all just watched).

Oh and in case you all forgot, Flash Mob America put this whole thing together. Sometimes ABC is so shameless with the plugs that I wish they would take it one step further and just put the company’s phone number and website on the screen.

Then in another boring twist,  a band performs on the date. Not only did they do this last season (and the one before that and before that and before that into eternity) but they did it LAST EPISODE!!!!! This time the performers were those other guys from the Black Eyed Peas. Ben C. grinds on Ashley with his white-man overbite while the crowd chants, “Kiss Kiss Kiss” like they’re the royal couple.

I think the producers have thrown in the towel on dates after the wedding date ridiculousness. They are clearly out of any original ideas that could take place within the confines of the continental 48. So rather than anything new, we get another dinner date on the top of a building.

Plotting ways to get Ashley to his love bubble. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

Ben C. is for sure that guy you meet that seems nice and cool and normal who then drops the creepy, desperate, clingy bomb on you a couple dates in. Even Ashley seems a little caught off-guard with his ‘live in a love bubble’ monologue. Slow down Carrie Bradshaw, I know you’re not settling for anything less than butterflies but pull-up a little on the reins. This is after all, your FIRST DATE.

CUE BENTLEY DOUCHEBAGGERY

Back to the date, Ben C. is chatting like a nervous 14-year old on a date with Brad Pitt. I think it can’t get any worse and then he says “Do I put an emoticon?” Um no. Do not ever put an emoticon. The fact that you said the word emoticon makes me want to crawl underneath my couch and never come out.

The date ends as all Bachelor/Bachelorette dates do, with an uncomfortable open mouth kiss. (stop smothering her in your sport coat!)

I am considering tuning out on this commercial break but then I’m sucked back in by the preview for  “101 Ways to Leave a Game Show.”  Don’t act like that doesn’t look entertaining.

We’re back with the group date. You know Jeff is gonna be on this one since they are playing the creepy vampire music. Jeff is sulking around the mansion acting weird and makes an appearance on the balcony to lord over his creepy domain. All I can think is, little balcony big creep.

During these dumb monologues, I wish ABC had put a countdown to the MASK reveal in the corner of the screen. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2, AHHHH. He finally takes the MASK off and Ashley is all, “you’re kinda old.” The charade is over, just like that. (Side note: Why were there cut aways to a hawk and a squirrel multiple times during this segment? Are the animals just as confused and embarrassed as we are?)

On to the date.

Ashley asks who the funniest guy in the house is and everyone says William. This means there can’t be anyone in the house with a decent sense of humor if the best you’ve got is a guy doing lame old George W. impersonations.

We get to the comedy club where I pray that Jeffrey Ross will single-handedly roast the entire cast and crew. Instead, the guys get to roast Ashley. This seems like a great plan. Let’s have a bunch of dudes make fun of the insecure girl. What fun! This is going to be the best date ever in the history of the world and the sea and the sky (just had to throw in some Bachelorette-hyperbole for you).

The jokes are pretty tame and lame. Although we do find out that Constantine is a big Baywatch fan ([Jeff Ross] is known for roasting Pam Anderson, David Hasselhoff and….”)

This part was pretty boring. Yes, the SE was through the roof. Bad comedians are bad enough. But coupled with the fact that they are contestants on a reality tv dating show, it makes it unbearable. I grit my teeth and attempt to make it through these next few minutes without fleeing the room, arms flailing, in embarrassment. (During this time, I do realize that Ryan P. is the human personification of Prince Charming from Shrek.)

Let's all make fun of the girl we're being paid to like! Yay! (ABC/Rick Rowell)

Until William takes the stage. William has set this up off camera as his big break. Clearly he thinks we’ve crossed over onto Last Comic Standing. By roasting Ashley he’s hoping Jeffrey Ross will be amazed with his talent so he can leave his lucrative cell phone sales job behind. So long T-Mobile Columbus!

William decides that he isn’t settling for dumb Brad Womack and boobs jokes he’s going straight for the jugular (we know this because in his interview he says that he “doesn’t give a f**k.” damn you’re tough). So he makes fun of Ashley for not being Emily or Chantal (thank god for that, those bare midriff scenes would have been ROUGH).

William tries to advance his career while simultaneously advancing his chances of getting sent home. Even Bentley, the resident shoulder Satan,  knows this is a bad idea. No one laughs, everyone cringes, I cover my eyes and pray for it all to go away (my stomach literally turned, the SE was so horrendous).

The show ends and Ashley goes off to cry alone in the corner. She may be sad but she is still makes sure to adjust her shirt, just so, making sure to show enough just the right amount of skin and, of course, no boobs (she’s flat remember? every guy said so in their roast).

At this point, William is still trying to act tough and is all “I don’t care.” Bentley sees the opening and swoops in with his Pantene Pro-V Volumizer hair and his mesmerizing plaid shirts to comfort crying Ashley. I think he does this because Bentley knows that crying on TV is not attractive. Finally, there’s something we can agree on.

While trying to console/emotionally damage Ashley, Bentley comes off like a 15-year-old valley girl . Giggling awkwardly and saying “yeah” weird. Just writing this I am getting SE chills. It’s just as awful to re-imagine as it was to watch the first time.

Ashley is touched by Sweet Valley High Bentley and tells us that she “loves the way he thinks.” I’m not sure if Ashley still feels that way this morning since she got to see Bentley tells the audience, in detail, how much he dislikes almost every aspect of her. This whole segment was brutal. I am personally embarrassed that I dedicate a large portion of my free time to this show. But at this point, I’m committed (unlike any of the 14354534 contestants who have appeared on this show).

At the cocktail party, William flees in shame (thank god we at least get a few minutes without his doofus face filling up my television) but not before the producers expertly film him sitting in solitude in front of a Mobile PCS Free Cellphone sign (just when I thought they didn’t care anymore!) finally realizing that he’s not on Last Comic Standing. At this point, I’m hoping he’ll leave and go back to the Verizon kiosk in the Columbus mall. Unfortunately, we were not that lucky.

I've come to save you Princess Ashley!

Ashley thinks no one can comfort her but that’s because she hasn’t let the Sun God use the solar rays of love to warm her heart. I thought it couldn’t get much worse than making hand puppets around the sun but I was wrong. Ryan P. drops about 5 corny lines in succession before going in for a big sloppy open mouth kiss. I cover my eyes like I’m 12 years old watching Scream for the first time.

Thankfully, I am saved when we find out that JP gets the next one on one date (did you all notice his tan? seems like a little tanning does a hipster good).  Thank the lord above. I need some JP camera time to relax after an exhausting hour of secondary embarrassment. Little did I know, I would have to sit through an eternity of Bentley acting a fool time before getting to sweet, sweet JP.

So now it’s time to get down to business with Bentley. Ashley breaks it down about Michelle “man i wish you were the Bachelorette” Money giving her the 411 on bad news Bentley (there I did it, I used the name everyone has given him). Bentley acts all appalled at the accusations and tries to say that Michelle is unreliable (oh no you didn’t).

Ashley tells Bentley that she heard he only wants to stay a couple of weeks and promote his business. Uh, duh. He wants to stay a couple of weeks (check), make a name for himself (check) and get casted on Bachelor Pad (hopefully check).

In a scene that had to be scripted, Ashley tells Bentley that she can’t bear to lose another plaid lover (bear, plaid. get it?)  and if he leaves her it will be worse than anything last season. Ruh roh. This is gonna be bad. Ashley snuggles into Bentley’s mid-section while he does his best Mr. Burns “egggggcellent” impression to the camera.

Egggcellent.

Uh oh. Ashley drops the bomb. if you leave it will be worse than anything last time. This is gonna be bad. Just trust this. Yikes, yikes, yikes. she is about to jump those mormon bones.

Sun dude steals the rose and this date is a wrap.

I’ve got to take a break on this recap for now. I need to get back my strength to write about the nausea-inducing Bentley break-up segment.

Until then… stay tuned.

p.s. – because of the more awful than normal turn this season has taken, after this week my recaps will be shorter. Last season I started taking notes while I watched the show. I am going to go back to pure viewing in hopes that it will help. I know it will help take up less of our free time.

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Filed under Bachelor Pad, The Bachelorette

You should watch Game of Thrones. No really, you should.

We all know the most exciting part of Monday (for me at least) is settling down for 2 hours of the reality tv goodness that is The Bachelorette. We also all know how much I love shamelessly awful television BUT every once in a while I get my television-snob on and head over to HBO. After tons of convincing (“No I promise it’s not nerdy.” “No for real, people say this show is great. It’s not fantasy like Lord of the Rings. Please give it a shot.”) Drew finally decided to give in and watch ‘Game of Thrones’ with me. His relenting was not because of my great powers of persuasion but rather was caused by hearing from one friend, “That show Game of Thrones is tight.”

Check out a recap of the first episode here. Ep. 1: Winter Is Coming – Recap

swears. this show is legit.

Either way, I am happy to say we are now addicted. Yeah, it’s got a little (okay, a lot) bit of the fantasy genre but when it’s masked by bad-ass fighting sequences, drama, intrigue and nudity you don’t notice the nerdy parts.  We are only four episodes in but I am hooked. And if you have HBO, you should check out this show (no, this post isn’t sponsored. I just like the show enough to write a full-on promotional post about it). Game of Thrones has all the awesome things reality tv has – bad ass bitches, fights, dudes that act like whiny girls, more fights, backstabbing, amazing locations and hanging story lines. It also has some things good ‘ole reality tv lacks like legitimate story lines, nudity, killing (please note: i am not advocating killing on reality tv, don’t get any ideas), straight talk (none of that PC bull)  and some pretty brutal fight sequences. Basically it’s like taking ROME adding a little Lord of the Rings, a dash of Braveheart and a little bit of the Sword in the Stone.

I know you are probably thinking that my television suggestions are questionable  at best but give this one a shot. My love for the small screen goes beyond just Bravo TV’s Greatest Hits and I have an inner TV snob that likes some pretty good show (C’mon I watch Mad Men and loved LOST. That’s gotta count for something.)

So if you’re looking for a good show to catch in between The Bachelorette, assorted summer reality (you know i’ll be watching Jungle of Love or whatever that show on NBC about zip-lining and being sweaty for love is called) the crazy factory on Bravo and the freak shows on TLC, use your On Demand button and start watching Game of Thrones.

the baddest bitch (HBO)

Until tomorrow’s recap…. stay tuned!

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TLC aka The Carnival Freakshow Network

This morning, while getting ready for work, The Today Show was promoting TLC’s newest sideshow  program – “Freaky Eaters.” Now, we all know that this girl loves some trashy reality TV but TLC continues to take reality TV to the next level. Each time I think they’ve gone and reached the pinnacle of ridiculousness, they go and top themselves.

I’ve decided that TLC (yup, that stands for The Learning Channel) has taken the place of the by-gone Carnival Freakshow. These days, the Bearded Ladies, 6ft man-eating-chickens (Little Rascal what what?) and Werewolf Men of the world have been shunned. No longer welcome at state fairs and carnivals because of the whole PC movement, they have gone underground (or become freaky eaters to get some fame). These freaks of nature have been replaced with the new summer line-up from TLC. Instead of shelling out three tickets to gawk awkwardly at weird-ass-shit, we can now just turn on the boob tube. Freaky Eaters is only the beginning, we’ve got 19 Kids and Counting (cause that’s normal), The Little Couple (because Little is just a nice way to say midget), Hoarders, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding (Gypsies! They’re just like us!)  and Strange Sex. And these are just the regularly scheduled shows.

Wasn't 8 and counting enough? (TLC/DLC)

If that wasn’t enough we’ve got Sister Wives, Toddlers and Tiaras and Quints by Surprise. You cannot make this s**t up. And don’t forget that TLC likes to throw in the seasonal hits like My Strange Addiction or The 26 Year Old Virgin. And I haven’t even mentioned Extreme Couponing (for the discount-obsessed, OCD freak in all of us. Who doesn’t need 19 jars of mayonnaise?).

MUST. HAVE. COUPOOOOOONSSSS! (TLC/DCL)

Every time they announce a new show, I think to myself (usually out loud as I yell at the TV) “Are you f-ing kidding me? How is this on television?” Then I realize, Barnum and Bailey and all the ringleaders before them knew that people like to see weird s**t. Stuff that is so odd and strange that it is ALMOST incomprehensible. I’m pretty sure the programming head at TLC is a descendant of Barnum and/or Bailey. Either that or he just tells his minions, “Just go find some weirdos and film them. We’ll figure out a show for them.”

Toddlers & Tiaras or MY Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I'll let you decide. (TLC/Firecracker Films | Sam Frost | Victor De Jesus)

I mean there are 3-year olds in Tammy Faye Baker makeup (Toddlers and Tiaras), women eating massive quantities of corn starch (Freaky Eaters), a girl going to the tanning bed THREE times a day (My Strange Addiction) and a woman who sleeps with her blow-dryer on (My Strange Addiction). I think the main goal of The Learning Channel is for all of us to learn how NOT to act. That or to just fill our brain with mindless bulls**t. I’m going to go with the latter.

Happy Friday everyone! No go grab a box of cornstarch, find a little friend, some coupons and a beer to get this weekend started!

Until next time… stay tuned!

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drunk monkeys in the highlands

So things have gotten pretty heavy over here the last few days – talking about the Rapture, reality TV dudes being accused of murder in tabloids, Rebecca Black covers – so I thought we may want to lighten up the mood a little. And what’s better to lighten up a dark, dreary, rainy day (that’s just here in Seattle Louisville – hopefully it’s b-e-a-utiful where you are) than a song/commercial about drunken monkeys? Not many things, but one thing that may be able to top it is a rap song about snacks performed by kids under 12.

Ahh, the internet. Always there to provide oddly awesome diversions.

To watch is to love these videos.

Please note that this is one in a series. I encourage you to head on over to You Tube and check out the rest of these Monkey Wrench (a local bar here in the 502) spots. You won’t be disappointed (or maybe you will be, it all depends on how creepy you find the dudes in monkey costumes).

Now on to the kids on a sugar-high rapping about snacks. I know for a fact this video makes Erin over at Defending Vegetables  cringe and wish for a better world. I could share the sentiment or just enjoy the fact that these kids are being productive during their after-school time. It also appears that they all keep up with their oral hygiene which is a plus when you are snacking on honey buns, doritos and oreos on the regular.

Don’t act like you didn’t love both of those (okay, the snack video is about 30 seconds too long, but let’s not nit pick).

Until next time…. Stay Tuned.

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It’s Her Party and She’ll Cry Awkwardly if She Wants To – Bethenny’s Birthday Boo-Hoo’s

If you’ve read this blog before, you know how I feel about crying on television. Almost without exception, it gives me secondary embarrassment. I’m not generally a crier but that doesn’t mean I can’t get my boo-hoo’s on every once in a while (pregnancy doesn’t count). The thing is no one looks good crying on television. The whole thing is awkward – the look, the sound, the expressions of those around you – awkward.

So, last night I was catching up on the latest episode of one of my favorite shows, “Bethenny Ever After” (thank you Bravo, for continuously creating addicting reality content) and there were the waterworks. Now if you’ve been watching this season, you know that Bethenny has been a CRYING MACHINE. Seriously, she cries every episode. Crying on her way to a party, crying at home, crying with friends. Lots and lots of crying. But last night’s episode was different. It was worse and painfully awkward to watch. Bethenny crying at her birthday party.

I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t cry at one of my birthday parties. I did. I was in sixth grade and some girl was being mean to me at my birthday slumber party (don’t act like you never had an elementary/middle school birthday breakdown, it happens to all of us). I am hopeful though, that the birthday blues don’t strike at my 40th Birthday party (which is over a decade away, thank you very much). Unfortunately for Bethenny, they hit her hard.

During this episode, we learn that Bethenny isn’t a huge birthday fan. As much as I relate to Bethenny (and I feel like I do on WAY too many levels), this is one thing I cannot comprehend. I am a birthday lover. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my birthday but I am also a huge fan of other people’s birthdays. Really, who doesn’t love a good celebration? Well apparently, Bethenny (and my husband, who seems to throw himself a birthday pity party every year ). Bethenny’s husband, like me, is a huge fan of a fun birthday and plans a fun little surprise for her. This is where the awkwardness strikes. Watch and cringe.

http://widget.bravotv.com/singleclip/singleclip_v1.swf?CXNID=1000004.10035NXC&WID=4657041ec2a2cf53&clipID=1317795

Clearly Bethenny loves attention. I mean, she has her own show. But this kind of attention is, admittedly, a bit uncomfortable. I am on her team when she says she doesn’t like for everyone to stare at her in a circle. I also agree with her dislike of opening gifts in front of other people. Opening presents at my wedding and/or baby showers made me pretty uncomfortable. I hate how everyone is just watching, waiting for your reaction. I digress.

Quick Sidenote: I heart Jason’s parents on this show but how out of place do they look at this party? You know if you were at this party and were talking to them you’d feel all bad about trying to get wasted while trying to hold an adult convo with them. You know they’re trying to talk about babies and families and Brynn while you’re just trying to get your party on. You will now be returned to your regularly scheduled programming.

Unfortunately for us all, Bethenny is unable to just suck it up and take one for the team. So instead of being thrilled with the thoughtfulness of the pink mannequin and the amazingness of the diamond earrings (!!!!!!!!!!), she freaks out. Starts crying and then escapes to the bathroom for an all-out sobfest. And we’re not talking about the tears that just quietly well-up in your eyes. We’re talking uncontrollable, lose your breath weeping. It was almost too much for me to bear AND we couldn’t even see it. She locked herself in the bathroom, so you know it has to be bad when just the sound alone made me want to fast-forward (thank you DVR). All the while, Party Planner Shawn is probably having a shit-fit off camera and secretly wishing he had convinced her to have the bare-chested male models serve drinks while Cirque du Soleil aerialists  serve drinks at the bar ( I am not making that up, he proposed she do that at the party. love it!).

I propose that Bethenny invite me to her next milestone birthday where I will happily lap up the attention, enthusiastically blow out the candles on a delicious cake (ps – how big was her birthday cake? It looked amazing and like it could feed a small army of cake lovers) and accept all lavish gifts with pleasure.

Until then, I will just enjoy all the other similarities I seem to share with Bethenny (similarities do not include being rich and fabulous, having a baby nanny, owning my own company, being a psuedo-celebrity and wearing a size 00).

Stay Tuned!

p.s. friends – do you love your birthday? or do you have bad birthday memories? i’d love to hear stories of your best or worst (share the SE!) birthday moments.

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