Category Archives: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

woah woah woah…

hey friends. Again, my apologies for the delay in postings. this time I had a legit (and by legit, I mean totally awesome) excuse for not posting. I have been basking in the rays of cabo san lucas for the last five days.

(p.s. – i went zip-lining and thankfully did not experience any of the awkward secondary embarrassment that contestants on The Bachelor endured – well, I take that back. The harnesses you wear are ridiculously embarrassing. I will update this post later with pics.)

Now it’s back to the real-world which of course, means back to The Bachelor! Not gonna lie – I was all bummed about coming back and having to go to work and then I had the AH-HA moment when I realized it’s Monday aka “the most shocking night of television in the history of the world” (cue Chris Harrison voice).

So… to get us all excited I thought I would share a link to one of the best blogs for all the dirt on my third favorite dating reality show (behind 1. Paradise Hotel 2. Bachelor Pad aka the classier version of Paradise Hotel). RealitySteve.com has come out today and changed his prediction on who gets the final rose (dun, dun, duuunnnn). Don’t click that link unless you want to find out. All i’m gonna say is that I am SUPER HAPPY about this change of heart. Also, don’t click that link if you don’t want to find out who the next Bachlorette will be. I’m not quite as happy about this info. The good news is, there will be TONS of new embarrassment’s to write about.

I’m mentally preparing for tonight’s episode. I am guessing there will be a lot of awkward open-mouth kissing, a good amount of Brad saying dumb things in his monotone voice and serious amounts of crying.

So, let’s lighten the mood with a little poll. Which reality-tv purse pup do you love more, Jiggy or Boca?

My votes with good ole Jiggy.

Jiggy

vs.

Boca

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i want to be boca’s friend – The Bachelor re-cap

It’s Tuesday morning, which means it’s time to pick apart every awkward, embarrassing and just plain weird thing that happened on last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.” The departure of resident Queen Crazy Michelle made it a little harder to spot the crazy but there were still all kinds of embarrassing encounters (Thank you Brad Womack). Oh and Chantal’s still on the show so she’s always good for a few uncomfortable “I Love You’s.” But is it bad to say, I missed Michelle a little bit? I was comforted by the fact that I know I’ll get to see her crazy/beautiful self on the next season of “Bachelor Pad.”

This episode got going quick with a hometown visit in Seattle with good ole Chantal O. who decided that for this date, she wanted to give off the sexy-sleuth look by channeling her favorite cartoon character Daphne fro m Scooby-Doo. I love a good scarf as much as the next girl, but wasn’t that thing knotted a little tight around her neck. I just wanted to reach through the TV and loosen it up a little.

So they meet up in a park, blah, blah, blah and then they head over to Chantal’s abode. This is where we get to meet her animal family of Boca and whatever those two cats are named. At this point, I was getting kind of bored. I had nothing for the blog except a scarf comment and then Brad looks dead into camera in his confessional interview and let’s out my favorite line of the season, thus far.

“Hopefully Boca’s a good judge of character because i want to be Boca’s friend.”

I want to be Boca's Friend. (ABC)

Well of course you do Brad. What’s more important than befriended a girl’s cat-dog. (Just as a side note, Boca is just a knock-off version of Jiggy from RHOBH – team Jiggy all the way.) So Chantal gets antsy and is ready to leave her tiny pad to head over to her folks house. She wants to make sure Brad knows how rich her folks are in case his businesses go bad and they need a bail-out.

So I figured Chantal’s parents were rich but DAMN that is a SERIOUS house. And that entryway you could easily walk a giraffe through their front door. Brad, Chantal and her family looked like little ants from the camera angle they were filming at from the second floor. So we get down to the awkward family dinner interactions. I was happy to see that Chantal’s dad looked as uncomfortable as I feel when Chantal said that she loves Brad. Then the Dad and Brad one-on-one goes down and they’re bonding over the self made man statue and loving the fact that they both used to carry bricks. Yawn. I am bored. When do we go to the morgue?
So Dad and Brad are besties while Chantal and her Mom (who looks pretty well preserved and not too odd from some serious plastic surgery) talk about being in love in the most gigantic sitting room ever.

Moral of this hometown date, Chantal is rich and her folks aren’t that bad.

Now it’s off to Maine (who knew?) to visit Ashley H.’s family. What are the chances that two of the final home town dates would be so close to Canada?

I feel like Brad was just introduced to an entirely different girl. Ashley H. is like one of those toddler pageant girls all amped up on pixie-sticks. I am exhausted watching her, I can’t even imagine what it is like to be around this cheerleader on speed version of Ashley.

I mean, there’s clapping and jumping and yelling and lots and lots of sharp arm movements. Just thinking about it is wearing me out.

Between the cheering, Brad and Ashley eat some gravy fries and Brad sounds like an idiot when he says “Si” instead of “Oui.” Then they head out on a little drive in the ole Ford Escape. I am not lying when I say that I got winded from watching that scene of them in front of town’s sign. So much jumping, exaggerated smiling and yelling. It was just too much and they haven’t even gotten to her family yet… I am nervous.

worn out. (ABC.com)

So they walk in to Ashley’s house and her family promptly does their family cheer (okay, i made that up but it doesn’t seem totally out of the realm of possibilities). After brief introductions, the H. family gathers around Brad on the sofa and begs him to read them a story. Okay, I made that up too but honestly, do they only have one couch? There were like 4 people on the couch and then Ashley’s mom is awkwardly sitting on the floor in front of him. You know Ashley’s dad was off on the side like, “What the F is happening her?”

So after some more cheering and story telling, Brad goes off to talk to her dad and this is where I start to notice a pattern. Is Brad dressing like each Dad in an attempt to befriend them? Keep this in the back of your mind, as we will revisit this a little later.

Thankfully nothing else really happens, Ashley’s tatted up sister makes a toast thanking Brad for picking her sister. I’m sure she meant well but it comes out sounding like no dude has ever picked Ashley and they are happy someone’s finally come along for their spinster sister.

Ashley, with the combined energy of a puppy and a 12 year old at a Justin Bieber concert, then wraps Brad in a giant bear hug, does a love cheer and sends him back to a part of the country where Americans don’t speak French everywhere.

And then I realize that s**t’s about to get good because Shawntel is on deck.

The producers on The Bachelor know what’s up. They kick things off with her family’s funeral home commercial. LOVE IT. Then we roll right in to a shot of Shanwtel wandering through the mausoleum spouting off this little gem of a comment, “Death has been a big part of my life since I was a little girl.” Fun fun fun.

Not gonna lie, I got a huge kick when Brad said “It’s beautiful here” and she says “I know, right?” thinking that he’s talking about the funeral home and he quickly corrects her and is like “Hell no, this place is weird as hell. I was talking about Chico.” (Comment may contain dramatization). Clearly Brad is weirded out. Hell, I’m weirded out too. This date will 100% go down as the weirdest, oddest, most unromantic date in Bachelor history and we haven’t even embalmed Brad yet.

The tour starts out to the hole in the wall Brad and Shawntel can spend eternity together if he picks her. Then we move on to the spot where his dead body can be burned if he picks her (if cremation is what he is interested in) and finally, we stop at where his dead body can be embalmed if he picks her (again, that’s a personal choice on his part.) Shawntel looks so excited. “Pick me and we can spend eternity together – yay!” The look on Brad’s face says it all, Shawntel – this creepy date is going to be the end of you.

Shawntel then goes on to wax poetic about her love of embalming. Some people love crafting, some people love photography, others love to run. Shawtel loves to embalm in her free time. YIKES.

I don’t know what possesses Brad to lay down on that embalmig table, but he does and Shawntel asks, “Are you creeped out?” Thankfully Brad answers for all America when he emphaticlly says YES.

Quick side note: How many of her boyfriends have gone to see her “job”? Clearly this is the way to her heart. One session on that prep table and it is true love. Take note men of Chico looking to score (who aren’t afraid of a little morbid foreplay). Finally, we get to leave and thus concludes the most awkward, the weirdest and the most morbid hometown date ever.

Embalming is fun. (ABC)

So we head on over to Shawntel’s house and meet her folks. First thing I notice, her dad has paired a button down with a pull-over sweater (which compliment his mustache nicely). Then I look at Brad. Okay for real. Someone must be tiping him off on what the dads are wearing. Chantal’s dad was in a Miami-style button down shirt, collar open, so was Brad. Ashley’s dad was in plaid flannel, so was Brad. Now Shawntel’s dad is in a sweater and a collared shirt combo and SO IS BRAD. This s**t is weird.

So then comes the family chat. Ruh Roh. Shawntel’s dad is NOT COOL with her moving to Austin. He is laying down the guilt trip and is getting real about her taking over the death business. Brad looks uncomfortable, the kind of uncomfrotable feeling you used to get when you were at a friend’s house and their parents started to yell at them. You don’t know what to do or say so you just stand there frozen. That’s what just happened to Brad.

The Shawntel and daddy-o sit down for a one-on-one and he lays down the heavy guilt trip. Shawntel keeps saying she loves Brad and things happen for a reason and she’s taking a leap of faith (she says that like five times). And Dad is like, nope, nope, nope. You are taking over this business whether you like it or not. I need to retire so I can take this mustache around the world. It looks like her dad is about to embalm her and prop her up in the funeral home so she can run it. But really, shouldn’t Shawntel have addressed this before bringing Brad to dinner. What about the other two kids (who look NOTHING like Shawntel)? Do they not embalm in their spare time?

Thankfully, this date finally ends and we get to move on to the best part – Emily!

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – I heart Emily. She is the best and her daughter is so cute (even if her name is Ricky). My heart melts a little bit when mom and daughter are reunited. Then my husband reminds me that I’ve gone soft and before I had a kid I would have probably made fun of her. I smack him and tell him that he’s talking over Emily, which is strictly prohibited in my house.

PRESENTS! (ABC.com)

So then Brad throws in that if this all works out, he could be little Ricky’s step-father. I automatically hate that he calls her Little Ricky. First because I think it sounds like a Latin boy band but second because it was the name of an Adam Sandler movie about the son of the devil. (Also Emily calls her the most country nick name ever – Ricky Tic – I secretly love it.)

Cue the picnic date. Never saw that one coming. Brad and Emily on a picnic date? That’s so out of character for them. But this time they’ve got a little rug rat with them and she is having none of it. Brad then let’s the audience know this is an awkward situation. NUH UH? FOR REAL? This whole show is one giant awkward situation Brad. I’m glad it just took you two seasons to figure that out. Thankfully he brought her a present. Because why not buy a child’s love?

Other than that, I have no hate for this date. Emily’s house is so cute. I adore that she served drinks out of a mason jar and I almost thought their little Candy Land family game night was precious. ALMOST. My only beef is that Brad decides, at this moment, that he is too much of a gentle man to kiss her. Uh, excuse me? I’m pretty sure you’ve rammed your tongue down every 20-something girls on this show’s mouth. NOW you decide that you’re too good of a guy for that. Emily is not buying it and thankfully takes charge of the situation (and tells Brad to man up) and kisses him.

So let’s wrap this up. They head off to NYC where Chris Harrison finally gets some face time. For a minute, I thought they had left him in Costa Rica.

Brad gazes into the framed pictures of the final four and then we make a smoooth transition to the rose ceremony where we are hit smack in the face with Chantal’s hideous get-up. WOOF. What is she wearing? First off, what is that hair? It’s like the combined both Princess Leia buns and glued them to the top of her head. Second, she looks like a satin stuffed sausage and her bra definitely doesn’t fit. Now, I may not be in tip top shape, but you can expect two things if my butt is on national TV. 1. I would be working out like a mad woman. 2. I would make sure that all outfit choices are as flattering as possible (See Ali F. from The Bachelorette for reference).

Other observations – Emily has the WHITEST teeth ever – are they capped? Shawntel is dressed a little morbid. The high collar is giving off a Wednesday Adams vibe.

I mean, is it possible to have teeth that white? (ABC.Com)

As everyone at home figured – it came down to the Chantal/Shawntel’s. I knew it wouldn’t happen but i was hoping that Brad would send desperate Chantal O. home but it came down to a battle of the dad’s. Chantal’s was rich and loved masonry (who knew that would go over so big?) and Shawntel’s loved dead people. Point Chantal.

So Shawntel goes home with her dignity and that booty that compares to the Kardashians and definitely can be used as a table. Minimal crying. I like it.

Let me know what you all thought of this week’s episode. Wasn’t my favorite but I know we are in for some good stuff next week when things get hot and heavy with the introduction of the FANTASY SUITE (definitely thought Michelle would hang around long enough to take advantage of that but I was wrong). Get hype.

Until then… stay tuned!

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beverly hills holdover – People.com “Camille Grammer ‘So Sorry’ for Fighting with Kyle Richards”

I must apologize – I am woefully behind on my reality television. This whole work thing is getting in the way of my viewing habits.  For all you RHoBH lovers – I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pulled this little nugget from People.com. I’ve quickly add my own commentary (in pink which is an homage to my personal favorite Lisa). Please feel free to leave your thoughts as well! Love to hear what you all think of this harem of spoiled, self-indulgent and completely over-the-top  woman (who I love!).

Let the crying begin…
(I’m beginning to see a theme in all the shows I watch, lots and lots of crying.)

To Read the Full Article without all my snarky comments, check out People.com

Camille Grammer ‘So Sorry’ for Fighting with Kyle Richards
BY AARON PARSLEY
Wednesday February 02, 2011 11:00 AM EST

Camille Grammer, left, and Kyle Richards Isabella Vosmikova/Bravo (2)

The inaugural season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hillswrapped Tuesday night on a surprisingly calm note: LAME

“[It has been] very difficult.” to be portrayed as a heartless bia and have the entire country hate me “I have a lot of regrets,” Camille Grammer said when asked by host Andy Cohen about her “bumpy ride” on the show. “And, Kyle, I’m so sorry. I feel really awful. I’ve had a really tough year and it’s no excuse.”

Kyle Richards, who sparred endlessly with Camille this season, also admitted having regrets, telling Andy, “I regret what’s happened between me and Camille. I regret not handling any issues I have with my sister or anger I have towards her better.” I regret not cutting my unnecessarily long hair at least 4 inches. (There was, however, no apology from Kyle.) Of course not. Apologies are for suckers.

That moment, of course, came at the end of an extended hour of Real Housewives drama, accusations and insults. OOO, tell me more about the insults. Here’s what else went down:

Kim and Kyle: After re-watching clips of their season-long scrapping including the difficult and dramatic footage of their blowout limousine fight on the finale, the sisters (unsuccessfully) held back tears and dodged questions about their emotional fissure – and Kim’s alleged alcoholism.

“We’re at the point where we’re trying to build our relationship from the biggest fight we’ve ever had,” Kim said. “I love my sister … We didn’t talk for a long time and we’re finally talking again … In a heated moment things are said and done that you just want to take back and you can’t. That’s why I’m not going to go there.”

When asked about their deep-rooted issues and her anger toward her sister on the night of Taylor’s party, Kyle said, “It’s private stuff. “

She had a similar response when asked pointblank by Andy about her accusation of alcoholism. “I don’t want to talk about that,” Kyle said.

Kim, however, did give an answer when asked if she had a drinking problem: “No.” Then what the hell were you in rehab for?

Lisa and Cedric: Light was shed on the sudden and surprising falling out between Lisa Vanderpump and her (formerly) permanent houseguest and friend Cedric.

Lisa recounted the day he left, saying Cedric finally (after a almost two years) packed his bags – well, her husband Ken’s bags Yeah for sure, Cedric doesn’t have any of his own luggage, just enough tight v-necks tees and teeny-weeny bikin bathing suits to last a lifetime of mooching off rich ladies– and stormed out of their home. Within 24 hours, she said, he had contacted Lisa and Ken, demanded to meet them and asked for something that “we weren’t prepared to give him.” Finally, the story gets juicy! That conversation, she said, resulted in her filing a police report. Woah, woah woah. We don’t get to find out the deets? More Lameness.

“I felt protective of him because he didn’t have anywhere to go,” Lisa said. “I was shocked the way things turned out.”

Ken’s take: “I’ve never met a more despicable person in my life … Hate him, hate him, hate him.”

Taylor and Russell: Finally some good news! Taylor Armstrong said she and her husband Russell were working on their marriage and doing better after what had become a sad and lonely situation for Oklahoma native. Can we stop talking about her as an “Oklahoma native?” I mean c’mon, big lips mcgee left every piece of her original Oklahoma self at the plastic surgeon’s office years ago. All she has left is her now trademark wink and the threat that she will “Go All Oklahoma on your ass.” By the way, I still have no idea what that means. Any one care to elaborate?

“There’s definitely love there,” she said of her relationship. “Children and work become the priorities and you forget to pay attention to the foundation of your marriage and I think that we let that happen for too much time … Things had to change or they had to end and we definitely agreed that we want to keep our” robot family together.” Boo, Russell is the worst. Boring, rigid, wooden, boring, kinda mean, rude and weird. She needs to get rid of him so next season we can follow her adventures in love.

Adrienne and Paul: Perhaps searching for some scrap of drama to discuss with the squeaky clean Housewife who seems to be friends with everyone, Andy asked Adrienne Maloof and her husband, Dr. Paul Nassif, about their bickering. “We like bickering,” Nassif said as his wife smiled. “That’s how we get along.” No snarky comments here, just genuine love for Adrienne and Paul who are by far the richest but also the most normal (plastic surgery aside). I heart them.

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surgery, insecurity and insults Oh My! – Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I was excited for this reunion show. How could I not be? These women are insanely rich, incredibly amusing and completely over the top (ie – ridiculous). I thought they would bring all of that to the reunion. While they did bring examples of their insane wealth with their designer dresses and LeBoutins – there was a strong lack of drama. Despite that, there was still a steady stream of SE. Mostly through the countless awkward silences.

Because who doesn't love Andy & Jiggy?

Rather than focus on one singular moment of SE – this post is a collection of my gut reactions to their vapidness. Consider yourself warned. (oh and if you haven’t watched the special – this will probably make little to no sense.)

So Andy gets the ball rolling with a great viewer question. ” You all know the price of a Gucci purse but do you know how much is a gallon of costs?” I’ve never seen six women look so confused.

On to Taylor’s daughter Kennedy’s 4th Birthday party costing $60,000. Yes, $60K. Taylor knows it was ridiculous, Lisa tells her its ridiculous. Taylor’s frozen face struggles to make an expression. End of discussion. (Boring)

Wait this party isn't for me?

After some minor discussion on how big Lisa’s “good family house”  is (17,000 sq. ft!!!!), Andy FINALLY gets to the segment on how much America hates Camille Grammar.

The EXTENSIVE list of words used to describe Camille that Andy just read may have given me the worst secondary embarrassment ever. My stomach just got a knot. Not for feeling bad for her, but for the fact that Andy had to read it out loud to her.   “Insecure, vapid, passive aggressive, narcissistic, catty , jealous, cruel, hypocritical, self-absorbed, manipulative, fake, insincere, delusional.”

How is Camille so clueless on why all of America (and any other country they show this gem of reality tv on) has a negative impression of her? I mean, c’mon Camille – you talk about yourself, your movie star (EX) husband, how fabulous you are, how much everyone is jealous of you and your weird married man-boyfriend all the time! On top of that your kids each have two nannies and you have a house manager. There is absolutely NOTHING relateable or likable about you.

Uh oh.  Taylor just referenced people hiding behind their computer writing negative words. I guess that means me. Oh well, moving on.

The segment on Camille goes on waaaaay too long and is serving up a severe case of SE. I almost had to change the channel when Camille started talk about her “soft-core” movies on Skin-imax. But Andy and Kyle make it all better when she calls her out on the “morally corrupt” comment she made about Kyle during the awkward electronic cigarette episode. If you’re filming “soft-core” movies I don’t think you have any right to be making judgments on (cat-faced) Faye Resnick’s Playboy spread. Pot, meet Kettle.

See for yourself here…

http://widget.bravotv.com/singleclip/singleclip_v1.swf?CXNID=1000004.10035NXC&WID=4657041ec2a2cf53&clipID=1277536

On a totally unrelated note, did you know that Kyle appeared in an episode of Beverly Hills 90201? Love it! Check it out on her IMDB profile.

Does anyone else agree that Kelsey Grammar is incredibly awkward in his confessionals? Never looks at the camera, has an odd grin on his face the whole time and is dressed like a gay sailor.

Now I love Adrienne Maloof as much as the next obsessed reality tv watcher, but we’ve got to get to a juicier segment. This show’s been on for almost 20 minutes and not one single fight. This is a disappointment to the franchise.

(5 -10 minutes later) Ok here we go, Kim & Taylor segment! First comes the video recap.  Bravo is seriously the best network ever. I love how they do the picture in picture on the replays. It’s like the coaches challenge in football only WAY better.

So the fight between Kim & Taylor turns out to be pretty lame other than that cringe-worthy wink Taylor gave Kim. Usually i’m a huge fan of a wink of any kind but this one just gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Cut to a shot of Adrienne who I think has had SE all season long. Bless her heart (I was going to say Poor Thing but it just didn’t seem to fit).

I feel like this re-cap is running a little long so I am just going to bullet points the rest of my personal highlights.

  • How many awkward silences did this special have – at least 5. They make me so uncomfortbale. I think Andy has SE too and it is hindering his ability to do his job hosting. 
  • Lisa is AMAZING.  I think she should just narrate all the Real Housewives from here on out.  Think about Lisa narrating Atlanta or New Jersey.  Oh Darling, it would be mar vah lous.
  • I love how Lisa called out Taylor and Kyle for holding hands at dinner. She definitely had some SE that night.  “Don’t you find it irritating when they’re sitting there like this [holding hands].” YES Lisa, I find it ridiculous, childish and quite frankly  WEIRD.
  • TAYLOR’S LIPS. ’nuff said.
  • Adrienne segment. This is gonna be my favorite. I adore Adrienne and Paul. They are the cutest insanely rich people i’ve ever seen. Even better Adrienne finally called out Camille on the “30% busier than everyone else” comment. THANK YOU!
  • Here we go, Kyle & Camille. Thought this was going to be better than it was. Camille tells Kyle “Now everyone in America thinks i’m delusional because of you.” Um, no Camille, everyone in America thinks you’re delusional because YOU ARE delusional.
  • Andy Cohen, being the perfect host that he is, says what everyone is thinking and calls Camille out on her hypocrisy. And then in the perfect close to the show – Camille FINALLY admits to being insecure. All is now right in the world.

Hello Mauricio!

All in all, I was a little disappointed in this reunion special, I do still have high hopes for part 2 though (mostly just keeping my fingers crossed that the do a video recap of how hot Mauricio is).

I think my favorite part of the whole show was the commercial for Bethenny Ever After.

Oh well, I’ve got a episode of Jersey Shore to watch now.

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too much SE for one day.

Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Show on the same night?

What’s a girl to do?

vs.

RHoBH wins tonight. But that just gives me more time to focus on a great Jersey Shore post. Stay tuned!

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