TLC aka The Carnival Freakshow Network

This morning, while getting ready for work, The Today Show was promoting TLC’s newest sideshow  program – “Freaky Eaters.” Now, we all know that this girl loves some trashy reality TV but TLC continues to take reality TV to the next level. Each time I think they’ve gone and reached the pinnacle of ridiculousness, they go and top themselves.

I’ve decided that TLC (yup, that stands for The Learning Channel) has taken the place of the by-gone Carnival Freakshow. These days, the Bearded Ladies, 6ft man-eating-chickens (Little Rascal what what?) and Werewolf Men of the world have been shunned. No longer welcome at state fairs and carnivals because of the whole PC movement, they have gone underground (or become freaky eaters to get some fame). These freaks of nature have been replaced with the new summer line-up from TLC. Instead of shelling out three tickets to gawk awkwardly at weird-ass-shit, we can now just turn on the boob tube. Freaky Eaters is only the beginning, we’ve got 19 Kids and Counting (cause that’s normal), The Little Couple (because Little is just a nice way to say midget), Hoarders, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding (Gypsies! They’re just like us!)  and Strange Sex. And these are just the regularly scheduled shows.

Wasn't 8 and counting enough? (TLC/DLC)

If that wasn’t enough we’ve got Sister Wives, Toddlers and Tiaras and Quints by Surprise. You cannot make this s**t up. And don’t forget that TLC likes to throw in the seasonal hits like My Strange Addiction or The 26 Year Old Virgin. And I haven’t even mentioned Extreme Couponing (for the discount-obsessed, OCD freak in all of us. Who doesn’t need 19 jars of mayonnaise?).

MUST. HAVE. COUPOOOOOONSSSS! (TLC/DCL)

Every time they announce a new show, I think to myself (usually out loud as I yell at the TV) “Are you f-ing kidding me? How is this on television?” Then I realize, Barnum and Bailey and all the ringleaders before them knew that people like to see weird s**t. Stuff that is so odd and strange that it is ALMOST incomprehensible. I’m pretty sure the programming head at TLC is a descendant of Barnum and/or Bailey. Either that or he just tells his minions, “Just go find some weirdos and film them. We’ll figure out a show for them.”

Toddlers & Tiaras or MY Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I'll let you decide. (TLC/Firecracker Films | Sam Frost | Victor De Jesus)

I mean there are 3-year olds in Tammy Faye Baker makeup (Toddlers and Tiaras), women eating massive quantities of corn starch (Freaky Eaters), a girl going to the tanning bed THREE times a day (My Strange Addiction) and a woman who sleeps with her blow-dryer on (My Strange Addiction). I think the main goal of The Learning Channel is for all of us to learn how NOT to act. That or to just fill our brain with mindless bulls**t. I’m going to go with the latter.

Happy Friday everyone! No go grab a box of cornstarch, find a little friend, some coupons and a beer to get this weekend started!

Until next time… stay tuned!

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