Monthly Archives: February 2011

woah woah woah…

hey friends. Again, my apologies for the delay in postings. this time I had a legit (and by legit, I mean totally awesome) excuse for not posting. I have been basking in the rays of cabo san lucas for the last five days.

(p.s. – i went zip-lining and thankfully did not experience any of the awkward secondary embarrassment that contestants on The Bachelor endured – well, I take that back. The harnesses you wear are ridiculously embarrassing. I will update this post later with pics.)

Now it’s back to the real-world which of course, means back to The Bachelor! Not gonna lie – I was all bummed about coming back and having to go to work and then I had the AH-HA moment when I realized it’s Monday aka “the most shocking night of television in the history of the world” (cue Chris Harrison voice).

So… to get us all excited I thought I would share a link to one of the best blogs for all the dirt on my third favorite dating reality show (behind 1. Paradise Hotel 2. Bachelor Pad aka the classier version of Paradise Hotel). RealitySteve.com has come out today and changed his prediction on who gets the final rose (dun, dun, duuunnnn). Don’t click that link unless you want to find out. All i’m gonna say is that I am SUPER HAPPY about this change of heart. Also, don’t click that link if you don’t want to find out who the next Bachlorette will be. I’m not quite as happy about this info. The good news is, there will be TONS of new embarrassment’s to write about.

I’m mentally preparing for tonight’s episode. I am guessing there will be a lot of awkward open-mouth kissing, a good amount of Brad saying dumb things in his monotone voice and serious amounts of crying.

So, let’s lighten the mood with a little poll. Which reality-tv purse pup do you love more, Jiggy or Boca?

My votes with good ole Jiggy.

Jiggy

vs.

Boca

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Filed under Bachelor Pad, Real Housewives, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette

i want to be boca’s friend – The Bachelor re-cap

It’s Tuesday morning, which means it’s time to pick apart every awkward, embarrassing and just plain weird thing that happened on last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.” The departure of resident Queen Crazy Michelle made it a little harder to spot the crazy but there were still all kinds of embarrassing encounters (Thank you Brad Womack). Oh and Chantal’s still on the show so she’s always good for a few uncomfortable “I Love You’s.” But is it bad to say, I missed Michelle a little bit? I was comforted by the fact that I know I’ll get to see her crazy/beautiful self on the next season of “Bachelor Pad.”

This episode got going quick with a hometown visit in Seattle with good ole Chantal O. who decided that for this date, she wanted to give off the sexy-sleuth look by channeling her favorite cartoon character Daphne fro m Scooby-Doo. I love a good scarf as much as the next girl, but wasn’t that thing knotted a little tight around her neck. I just wanted to reach through the TV and loosen it up a little.

So they meet up in a park, blah, blah, blah and then they head over to Chantal’s abode. This is where we get to meet her animal family of Boca and whatever those two cats are named. At this point, I was getting kind of bored. I had nothing for the blog except a scarf comment and then Brad looks dead into camera in his confessional interview and let’s out my favorite line of the season, thus far.

“Hopefully Boca’s a good judge of character because i want to be Boca’s friend.”

I want to be Boca's Friend. (ABC)

Well of course you do Brad. What’s more important than befriended a girl’s cat-dog. (Just as a side note, Boca is just a knock-off version of Jiggy from RHOBH – team Jiggy all the way.) So Chantal gets antsy and is ready to leave her tiny pad to head over to her folks house. She wants to make sure Brad knows how rich her folks are in case his businesses go bad and they need a bail-out.

So I figured Chantal’s parents were rich but DAMN that is a SERIOUS house. And that entryway you could easily walk a giraffe through their front door. Brad, Chantal and her family looked like little ants from the camera angle they were filming at from the second floor. So we get down to the awkward family dinner interactions. I was happy to see that Chantal’s dad looked as uncomfortable as I feel when Chantal said that she loves Brad. Then the Dad and Brad one-on-one goes down and they’re bonding over the self made man statue and loving the fact that they both used to carry bricks. Yawn. I am bored. When do we go to the morgue?
So Dad and Brad are besties while Chantal and her Mom (who looks pretty well preserved and not too odd from some serious plastic surgery) talk about being in love in the most gigantic sitting room ever.

Moral of this hometown date, Chantal is rich and her folks aren’t that bad.

Now it’s off to Maine (who knew?) to visit Ashley H.’s family. What are the chances that two of the final home town dates would be so close to Canada?

I feel like Brad was just introduced to an entirely different girl. Ashley H. is like one of those toddler pageant girls all amped up on pixie-sticks. I am exhausted watching her, I can’t even imagine what it is like to be around this cheerleader on speed version of Ashley.

I mean, there’s clapping and jumping and yelling and lots and lots of sharp arm movements. Just thinking about it is wearing me out.

Between the cheering, Brad and Ashley eat some gravy fries and Brad sounds like an idiot when he says “Si” instead of “Oui.” Then they head out on a little drive in the ole Ford Escape. I am not lying when I say that I got winded from watching that scene of them in front of town’s sign. So much jumping, exaggerated smiling and yelling. It was just too much and they haven’t even gotten to her family yet… I am nervous.

worn out. (ABC.com)

So they walk in to Ashley’s house and her family promptly does their family cheer (okay, i made that up but it doesn’t seem totally out of the realm of possibilities). After brief introductions, the H. family gathers around Brad on the sofa and begs him to read them a story. Okay, I made that up too but honestly, do they only have one couch? There were like 4 people on the couch and then Ashley’s mom is awkwardly sitting on the floor in front of him. You know Ashley’s dad was off on the side like, “What the F is happening her?”

So after some more cheering and story telling, Brad goes off to talk to her dad and this is where I start to notice a pattern. Is Brad dressing like each Dad in an attempt to befriend them? Keep this in the back of your mind, as we will revisit this a little later.

Thankfully nothing else really happens, Ashley’s tatted up sister makes a toast thanking Brad for picking her sister. I’m sure she meant well but it comes out sounding like no dude has ever picked Ashley and they are happy someone’s finally come along for their spinster sister.

Ashley, with the combined energy of a puppy and a 12 year old at a Justin Bieber concert, then wraps Brad in a giant bear hug, does a love cheer and sends him back to a part of the country where Americans don’t speak French everywhere.

And then I realize that s**t’s about to get good because Shawntel is on deck.

The producers on The Bachelor know what’s up. They kick things off with her family’s funeral home commercial. LOVE IT. Then we roll right in to a shot of Shanwtel wandering through the mausoleum spouting off this little gem of a comment, “Death has been a big part of my life since I was a little girl.” Fun fun fun.

Not gonna lie, I got a huge kick when Brad said “It’s beautiful here” and she says “I know, right?” thinking that he’s talking about the funeral home and he quickly corrects her and is like “Hell no, this place is weird as hell. I was talking about Chico.” (Comment may contain dramatization). Clearly Brad is weirded out. Hell, I’m weirded out too. This date will 100% go down as the weirdest, oddest, most unromantic date in Bachelor history and we haven’t even embalmed Brad yet.

The tour starts out to the hole in the wall Brad and Shawntel can spend eternity together if he picks her. Then we move on to the spot where his dead body can be burned if he picks her (if cremation is what he is interested in) and finally, we stop at where his dead body can be embalmed if he picks her (again, that’s a personal choice on his part.) Shawntel looks so excited. “Pick me and we can spend eternity together – yay!” The look on Brad’s face says it all, Shawntel – this creepy date is going to be the end of you.

Shawntel then goes on to wax poetic about her love of embalming. Some people love crafting, some people love photography, others love to run. Shawtel loves to embalm in her free time. YIKES.

I don’t know what possesses Brad to lay down on that embalmig table, but he does and Shawntel asks, “Are you creeped out?” Thankfully Brad answers for all America when he emphaticlly says YES.

Quick side note: How many of her boyfriends have gone to see her “job”? Clearly this is the way to her heart. One session on that prep table and it is true love. Take note men of Chico looking to score (who aren’t afraid of a little morbid foreplay). Finally, we get to leave and thus concludes the most awkward, the weirdest and the most morbid hometown date ever.

Embalming is fun. (ABC)

So we head on over to Shawntel’s house and meet her folks. First thing I notice, her dad has paired a button down with a pull-over sweater (which compliment his mustache nicely). Then I look at Brad. Okay for real. Someone must be tiping him off on what the dads are wearing. Chantal’s dad was in a Miami-style button down shirt, collar open, so was Brad. Ashley’s dad was in plaid flannel, so was Brad. Now Shawntel’s dad is in a sweater and a collared shirt combo and SO IS BRAD. This s**t is weird.

So then comes the family chat. Ruh Roh. Shawntel’s dad is NOT COOL with her moving to Austin. He is laying down the guilt trip and is getting real about her taking over the death business. Brad looks uncomfortable, the kind of uncomfrotable feeling you used to get when you were at a friend’s house and their parents started to yell at them. You don’t know what to do or say so you just stand there frozen. That’s what just happened to Brad.

The Shawntel and daddy-o sit down for a one-on-one and he lays down the heavy guilt trip. Shawntel keeps saying she loves Brad and things happen for a reason and she’s taking a leap of faith (she says that like five times). And Dad is like, nope, nope, nope. You are taking over this business whether you like it or not. I need to retire so I can take this mustache around the world. It looks like her dad is about to embalm her and prop her up in the funeral home so she can run it. But really, shouldn’t Shawntel have addressed this before bringing Brad to dinner. What about the other two kids (who look NOTHING like Shawntel)? Do they not embalm in their spare time?

Thankfully, this date finally ends and we get to move on to the best part – Emily!

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – I heart Emily. She is the best and her daughter is so cute (even if her name is Ricky). My heart melts a little bit when mom and daughter are reunited. Then my husband reminds me that I’ve gone soft and before I had a kid I would have probably made fun of her. I smack him and tell him that he’s talking over Emily, which is strictly prohibited in my house.

PRESENTS! (ABC.com)

So then Brad throws in that if this all works out, he could be little Ricky’s step-father. I automatically hate that he calls her Little Ricky. First because I think it sounds like a Latin boy band but second because it was the name of an Adam Sandler movie about the son of the devil. (Also Emily calls her the most country nick name ever – Ricky Tic – I secretly love it.)

Cue the picnic date. Never saw that one coming. Brad and Emily on a picnic date? That’s so out of character for them. But this time they’ve got a little rug rat with them and she is having none of it. Brad then let’s the audience know this is an awkward situation. NUH UH? FOR REAL? This whole show is one giant awkward situation Brad. I’m glad it just took you two seasons to figure that out. Thankfully he brought her a present. Because why not buy a child’s love?

Other than that, I have no hate for this date. Emily’s house is so cute. I adore that she served drinks out of a mason jar and I almost thought their little Candy Land family game night was precious. ALMOST. My only beef is that Brad decides, at this moment, that he is too much of a gentle man to kiss her. Uh, excuse me? I’m pretty sure you’ve rammed your tongue down every 20-something girls on this show’s mouth. NOW you decide that you’re too good of a guy for that. Emily is not buying it and thankfully takes charge of the situation (and tells Brad to man up) and kisses him.

So let’s wrap this up. They head off to NYC where Chris Harrison finally gets some face time. For a minute, I thought they had left him in Costa Rica.

Brad gazes into the framed pictures of the final four and then we make a smoooth transition to the rose ceremony where we are hit smack in the face with Chantal’s hideous get-up. WOOF. What is she wearing? First off, what is that hair? It’s like the combined both Princess Leia buns and glued them to the top of her head. Second, she looks like a satin stuffed sausage and her bra definitely doesn’t fit. Now, I may not be in tip top shape, but you can expect two things if my butt is on national TV. 1. I would be working out like a mad woman. 2. I would make sure that all outfit choices are as flattering as possible (See Ali F. from The Bachelorette for reference).

Other observations – Emily has the WHITEST teeth ever – are they capped? Shawntel is dressed a little morbid. The high collar is giving off a Wednesday Adams vibe.

I mean, is it possible to have teeth that white? (ABC.Com)

As everyone at home figured – it came down to the Chantal/Shawntel’s. I knew it wouldn’t happen but i was hoping that Brad would send desperate Chantal O. home but it came down to a battle of the dad’s. Chantal’s was rich and loved masonry (who knew that would go over so big?) and Shawntel’s loved dead people. Point Chantal.

So Shawntel goes home with her dignity and that booty that compares to the Kardashians and definitely can be used as a table. Minimal crying. I like it.

Let me know what you all thought of this week’s episode. Wasn’t my favorite but I know we are in for some good stuff next week when things get hot and heavy with the introduction of the FANTASY SUITE (definitely thought Michelle would hang around long enough to take advantage of that but I was wrong). Get hype.

Until then… stay tuned!

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Filed under Bachelor Pad, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette

a high school obsession.

We all know the highlight of Mondays hits at 8 pm when another episode from “the most shocking season ever” of The Bachelor starts. But that means we have to make it ALL the way through the workday before we get to the good stuff. In light of that, I thought I would share with you a personal obsession of mine (other than reality tv) that will probably cause you to feel secondary embarrassment for me.

I am obsessed with high-school themed programming. (There I said it.)

You name it, I’ll watch it.

High-schoolers on the Upper East Side. Check.

High-schoolers basking in the sunshine of Beverly Hills. Check.

High-Schoolers singing in the hallways of Ohio. Check. Check.

High-schoolers solving the mystery of their friends death in fabulous clothes. Check. Check. Check.

Seriously – I LOVE IT.

This is embarrassing because I am significantly closer to 30 than 17. (Woof, just thinking about how long it’s been since I was in high-school is a little depressing.) Despite the age gap between the target audience and myself,  I am a devoted fan. You set a show in a high school and you can find it saved on my DVR.   Here are my fav four:

Old School GG Pic (Photo Credit: The CW / Timothy White © 2007 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.)

Gossip Girl – Four Words. Serena Van Der Woodsen. I love her. I’m willing to look past the fact that she is a horrible friend (always selling her friend out, dating her bff’s ex-boyfriend, generally being selfish), is totally unable to commit to any dude for more than 3 episodes, drinks excessively and parties all the time (actually – that part i love) and generally acts half-dumb most of the time. She is flawless to me. I get upset when the story lines paint her in a bad light. Mostly because I covet her hair. Does anyone have better hair than Blake Lively. Okay this paragraph just got a little creepy… moving on.

Now, I know Gossip Girl is no longer primarily set in high school but who doesn’t think the show jumped the shark a little bit when the gang from Constance graduated? That being said – I still love it. The clothes, the hair, the drama and back-stabbing. Totally unrealistic and totally fabulous.

Clap Clap. (Photo Credit: Frank Ockenfels/ The CW ©2007 The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.)

90210 – Before fully commenting on 90210, I must confess that I am behind on this show. Unfortunately for me and my busy television viewing schedule, 90210 conflicts with something I watch, although I’m not exactly sure what. To be exact, I think I am a full season behind. BUT, thankfully it is next up in my Netflix cue so I am sure I will be caught up soon.

What I love about this high-school show is how they attempt to be based in reality. I will say this is MUCH MORE realistic than Gossip Girl but that’s not saying much. What drew me to this show three separate and distinct things – 1. I loved the original Beverly Hills 90210 and couldn’t wait to see Kelly Taylor back in action. 2. I hate the character Annie. I want to just grab her and shake that smug look off her face every episode. 3. I love Dixon. He is a doll. He’s just so… cute.

I also enjoy how this show has some undertones of the after-school special themed episodes of the early 90’s. The hole Silver nervous breakdown thing definitely had a little bit of Jessie Spano (Saved by the Bell for those of you not as obsessed as me) pill-popping breakdown feel.

GLEE – Is there a better [scripted] show on TV? I cannot get enough of GLEE. I absolutely love it. I love the bitchiness of Santana (it reminds me of a funnier, version of my mean girl self), I love the vapidness of Britney, I love how full of herself Rachel is, I love Puck (just love him), I love how cute Arnie is, I love  Mercedes’ sass and I love the dancing Asian kid. There is nothing that I don’t love about this show (okay, that’s not true – I am not a huge fan of the new, rude, weird big girl on the show – Lauren). I even love the played out Finn/Quinn romance and the gender nondescript football coach Biest.

I can pinpoint my love of Glee to the fact that in combines high-school and Broadway – two of my most favorite things. Every Tuesday at 8 pm you can find me parked on the couch staring at the TV screen like a little kid. Why I enjoy one-hour of scripted programming so much is beyond me. I almost feel embarrassed for myself right now for writing this (okay, i am embarrassed for myself).

For those of you who have not yet experienced the fabulousness that is GLEE – here’s a little taste.
(ps – i have no idea why this has spanish subtitles.)

Pretty Little Liars - The clothes, the drama, the mystery, the intrigue, the clothes. Pretty Little Liars is kind of like Desperate Housewives for high school but WAY BETTER. One girl is hooking up with her teacher, one has made out with not one, but TWO of her sisters fiancées, one girl is helping her mother get out of the poor house by doing mean stuff to everyone she knows and one girl is just trying to make it as a lesbian in high school. All of this before we even mention that they are trying to figure out who killed their best friend AND who is sending them mysterious messages from “A.”

This show is up there with Glee in my top shows. They have all the normal high school stereotypes in their posse – jock, smart one, vapid pretty one and introspective pretty one. (Be real, they are all pretty). And they are like little mini-Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda’s (ok maybe not Miranda).

Are they serious with that hair? (abcfamily.com)

The whole focus is on what happened to their mean but awesome bestie Allie who was killed the year before. But the plot on figuring this out is going pretty slow. Usually this would make me really angry and cause me to tune out BUT in this show, it doesn’t bug me. I think it’s because I am distracted by their perfectly styled outfits and exceptionally well-done for high-school hair. (seriously, who had that much time to get ready before school? usually i just threw on whatever i could find half asleep before stumbling out the door).

So all in all, I hope you are leaving this post feeling some strong SE for me or feeling validated that you aren’t the only one who is oddly obsessed with high school shows (this probably says something psychologically about myself but screw that).  Either way, it’s a nice way to start out this Monday.

Until next time (Bachelor post EEEE!) … stay tuned.

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Filed under Glee, Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars

i’m embarrassed….

I’m embarrassed. This time it is personal embarrassment, not the secondary kind.

ashamed.

I have been a horrible “blogger” (don’t know why I put that in quotes, I think it’s because I don’t really consider myself a real blogger yet) and have yet to put up a meaningful post all week (this one included) despite there being tons of material out in the bottomless pit of awesomeness that is reality tv. That being said, this whole thing of having a kid and job and house has caught me in a little over my head and the blog has suffered. But I am putting it out into the universe that I am back (I think this can be attributed to my watching of GLEE last night, aptly titled ‘The Comeback’).

Tonight is Jersey Shore and The Office which both lend themselves to tons of SE. What will happen now that Sam is gone? Will Ron ever stop crying? Will we finally get back to the stuff we really care about, namely Snookie acting a fool, Sitch bringing home grenades and Pauly D just being Pauly D?

Also, I have yet to comment on how Queen Crazy Michelle and Mermaid Barbie Britt are no longer on The Bachelor. I am just going to have to call this week a wash and promise to write my best Bachelor post ever on Tuesday. But you should definitely check out the BuddyTV blog because it has all that I lack.

Until then… stay tuned!

 

 

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Roses for Everyone – Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day fellow reality tv lovers!

I know I am woefully behind on posting on last week’s embarrassments. I promise to get back on my A-game this week. Until then… roses for everyone!

one for you and you and you! (ftd.com)

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Bachelor Recap Part 2: allie + brad = most awkward date ever.

As I mentioned earlier in the week, sometimes The Bachelor is too chock-full of SE for one post. We had to go with the heavy hitters, Chantal & Michelle, earlier in the week along with a great guest post on what the hell Britt is still doing on the show from Jodie. So here we go, here’s the down low on Allie, Emily, Shawntel, Jacqui and Ashley H.

Allie - This date may go down as one of the most awkward one-on-one dates ever. Ole buddy and pal Allie had been pining for a one-on-one date FOREVER.  (p.s. – you know Britt is thanking her lucky stars it wasn’t her on this date.) I’m sure when she was fantasizing about how it would go down when her and Brad were alone, this is not how it played out. I guess all that time she spent at the house doodling “Mrs. Allie Womack” in her diary was a waste.


It's not you. It's me. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

We know it’s been a big waste, when Brad shows up – not with a helicopter or a Bentley or even a cheesy white limo – but with a couple of DONKEYS. Little does Allie know those Donkeys are the first stop on her one way ticket home. Second stop, a CAVE. Really Bachelor producers, a cave date? You all really wanted to stick it to Allie, huh? I don’t know about you all but nothing says romance to me like a little spelunking. Although, Allie did try and make it a little more romantic by using her “i’m soooo afraid of bugs” routine. So they run around in that dark, totally lame cave for a little while until they find “the alter” which really is just a set of rock stairs. They climb to the top and Brad breaks out the picnic. So you’re at home like “okay, this may get a little better. Things could get mildly romantic.” But then you remember that there is NOTHING hot, sexy or even ironically romantic about a picnic in a dark, wet cave (Do not say “that’s what she said). Brad breaks out his thermos which for his sake I hope was filled with whiskey and they settle in for a nice chat before they realize they are in a cave and decide to get the hell out of there.

Yay Donkeys! (ABC)

On to where things get sooooo uncomfortable – the dinner date. In as long as I’ve been watching this show, I don’t think I have EVER heard them discuss the food. At least the producers never made us painfully watch this kind of small talk. “I think it’s chicken.” REALLY? That’s what you’re talking about. On to the classic debate, big city vs. small town living. What had you all already exhausted talk about the weather? I was sitting at home covering my eyes in embarrassment. I think at one point I actually prayed out loud that this date would end or that the National Weather Service would break in with an alert or that my cable box would go on the fritz. It was that bad. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, Allie tells that little story about her one serious relationship and not being able to picture marrying the dude. I heaved a sigh of relief thinking she would stop talking, Brad would jump on the obvious transition, tell her she’s a great girl but he can’t give her the rose, end of story, goodbye. BUT NO, Allie has to add in that she just feels so comfortable around Brad and that she’s never felt this way before.

NUH UH!!! (ABC)

And then it started. The paralyzing feeling of secondary embarrassment swept through my body and  there was no way to stop it. Camera zooms to Brad and he’s feeling awkward and knows he missed his moment but has to break the news. Allie, I’m just not that into you. Cue the shock, embarrassment and water works from Allie. To be honest, I felt a little bad for the girl. If she had just known to quit while she was ahead, it wouldn’t have been so bad. Back to Ohio she goes, with no rose.

Back at the OK Corral, the girls are taking bets on whether Allie gets a rose. Since this is the most obvious decision Brad has had to make all season, it’s no surprise (except to Ashley H. clearly) that they all nail it and say she’s heading home. Let’s all just say that Britt dodged a huge bullet on this one.

love. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

Emily - I got nothing. I love Emily. She’s my favorite. I refuse to make fun of her because I have a huge girl crush on her. Mostly, I just hope she blows this whole romance with Brad so she can be the next Bachlorette. I will make one note, did they have a “let’s braid our hair” party before heading out to the waterfall? Seemed to be the hairstyle of choice. That being said – it looked adorable (and the best) on Emily. love love love her.

Shawntel – The best part about Shawtel (it’s still hard for me to believe she spells her name like that) this episode is that she refrained from talking about her job. I am still reeling from her explanation of embalming (although it did come in handy while watching the super bowl. I now understand what has happened to Christina Aguilera). I kind of feel like Shawntel is a wet-blanket. She’s kind of just there and doesn’t really bring anything to the table other than not being a total loon. Which in turn makes her boring. Moving on.

Ashley H. – B-rad’s signature move (keeping crazy under control by making them wait for the very last rose) is working wonders on Ashley H. I’m hesitant to say this, but I don’t really mind her. At the very least, she wears cute clothes and isn’t a total idiot. I think she’s secretly trying to position herself to be the next Bachlorette.

Last but not least, Jacqui - Poor poor Jacqui. I didn’t see this one coming. I mean, they had a spa day and a romantic night at the Hollywood Bowl while some no-name band serenaded them – if that doesn’t say true love then I don’t know what does. But it wasn’t enough to keep their love alive in the Costa Rican jungle. I definitely thought Brad would throw the homecoming queen/mermaid Britt to the curb and keep our favorite New Yorker around for one more week. Then it came down to just Jacqui and Michelle and you knew she was dunzo. She just couldn’t compete with big boobs mcgee. Maybe it’s because she wasn’t crazy enough for good tv and just couldn’t compete in the saccharine sweet category against Emily. It’s back to the Big Apple for this love lorn lady. The big surprise here is that Jacqui leaves with dignity, remembering that they are filming her at all times, and does not start sobbing uncontrollably in the limo. SE thanks you for ending this episode on a high note and not forcing me to watch someone ugly cry for five minutes while talking about how “in love” they were.

You mean you're picking the Mermaid instead of ME? (ABC/Rick Rowell)

 

So there you have it. All that’s fit to print on this episode (really, all I have time to recap).

Let me know what your thoughts are on who will make it to the final four! Also, I know a lot of us read Reality Steve but there will be no spoilers here. Half of the fun is watching this thing play out!

We’ll close with what should be The Bachelor theme song since they’re all SOOO concerned about “feeling special.”

Until next time… stay tuned!

p.s. – i thought i was funny until i read this blog. Her descriptions of Michelle made me laugh out loud.

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Wait Britt’s still here? The Bachelor Guest Post

Yesterday was the biggest day yet at SE and on the heels of that, we’ve got our first guest post. Jodie is about to tackle the question every one is asking - what the what is Britt still doing on this show? I’ll let her take it from here.

First of all, I want to thank Danielle for the wonderful opportunity to write the first guest blog on SE. I can’t wait to add this gem to my CV as soon as it is posted. I, much like Danielle, am enthralled by reality television. There are many reasons for this passion—but mostly it makes me feel better about myself. I have decided to guest blog on this site to ponder a very important question in regards to this season of the bachelor……

HOW THE HELL IS BRITT STILL ON THE SHOW?

i love puppies, unicorns and my curling iron. (ABC/RICK ROWELL)

You know you’ve thought it every episode.  But for those of you who are not as attentive as me, Britt  is the extremely quiet, extremely skinny food writer with absolute NO STYLE. And not a single story line either. Let’s be real—even my 14 year old niece (shout out Emily) knows heart sun glasses aren’t cool, especially for a 25 year old.

Britt has managed to beat out 24 women on this show (can that really be true?!)—despite her love of the double barrel curling iron (which she especially likes to use on her side bangs). Despite her heart hoop earrings.  And most importantly despite the glittered ex-homecoming dresses she brought from high school.

woof.

We get it Britt. You were probably a big deal in high school—and got all the most popular guys. But just because you haven’t gained any weight since then, doesn’t mean you can take your entire high school wardrobe onto national television and relive the experience. It won’t work. It can’t work. But then why the hell has she made it so far? Not that I think Brad Womack is the ideal future husband—but I truly thought he had higher standards than this. Yes, I expect you to keep the crazies for the drama, and Emily because she is freaking Emily and even the jealous crazies on the show cant say anything bad about her. But if we can’t find a bachelor who is good looking, ripped and realizes 12 year old style is not becoming on a 25 year old semi-woman…..than I believe I’ve lost faith in ABC and their casting.

classic britt. (ABC/RICK ROWELL)

As far as a recap on Britt’s contribution to last night’s show. I’ve got nothing. She was a non-presence other than the flashes of hot mess fashion statements that she inevitably provides every episode that in turn provides me with copious amounts of SE. But alas– here’s to another episode of childish get-ups and virtually no story line to speak of Britt. Your 15 minutes of fame have stretched 6 episodes longer than anyone expected.

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i love you THIS much and other weekly musings from The Bachelor

It’s Tuesday, which means we’re all still reeling from the weekly parade of crazies otherwise known as The Bachelor. I must confess that while I LOVE that the show is two hours long and that the producers are experts in making this show the most attractive loony bin ever – it’s sometimes too hard to pinpoint the best moment or even remember all the craziness that has a occurred in a single episode.

For this week’s recap, I think the easiest way to effectively recap is to take it one girl at a time – starting with the craziest of them all, Michelle. Because she is so crazy, I am going to have to break this re-cap into two parts. Part 1: Michelle and Chantal. Part 2: Shawntel, Ashley H., Allie, Jacqui and Emily. Where’s Britt you say, our favorite Bachlorette/Mermaid?  Stay tuned for a guest post focused solely on the enigma that is Britt.

p.s. – ABC had not posted any incriminating photos from last night’s episode yet. I’ll try to update as soon as they do.

So many crazies, so little time. (Photo by ABC)

Michelle – Michelle is as crazy as she is beautiful (take note, that will be the last compliment I bestow on her). And when I say crazy, I mean put this girl in the crazy house away in solitary where she can’t threaten and scare the others. We’ll start at the very beginning, a very good place to start (sorry, I can’t let the opportunity for a Sound of Music reference pass me by), with Chantal O’s date.  The house’s favorite hairstylist was PISSED that Chantal O got another one-on-one date which resulted in the genius comment, “All I can do is be myself, be patient and hope that Chantal gets attacked by monkeys. Or apes.” (she just wanted to make sure she had all her primate bases covered).

On to the group date, where Michelle proceeds to pout like the child she is. (quick comment, why was she the only girl in red? did she decline her assigned repelling poncho?) Short of stomping her feet and/or laying on the ground flailing her arms and legs, Michelle threw an all-out tantrum.  And why wouldn’t she? She and Brad had a pact to never go repelling without one another again. Seriously, what kind of pact is that? Oh yeah, me and my man do so much repelling that we had to make a pact to never do it without each other. Anyways, Michelle gets her way (again!) and repels down the waterfall with Brad. Cue the other girls throwing a fit. At this point, the date moves on to the obvious second half – a giant, pool-sized Hot Tub! It is here where Michelle, all liquored up, proceeds to tell Brad that she’s mad at him for going on a date with Chantal O., that she doens’t see him with anyone but her and that he needs to send everyone else home. Before Brad can say “You are so crazy, I am sending you home right now” she sticks her tongue down his throat. End of discussion.

We’ll close this chapter on Michelle with her final embarrassment – her secret visit to Brad’s room (or villa if we are using Bachelor-speak). Ole dude is just waxing poetic on finding love in Costa Rica while gazing intently from the balcony of his villa, when cue the Psycho music, Michelle comes a knocking. The look on Brad’s face was priceless. I wish he would have said what we were all thinking, “What the hell are you doing here you crazy bia?” but instead he let her in. I think this scene is the exact point where Brad realizes that despite the fact that she is smokin’ hot with sizable assets – her crazy is really just too overwhelming.  Things get weird as she bashes every girl in the house and gives her own recap on how the rose ceremonies will go from here on out. After one all too long awkward silence, she decides to tip toe back to where she came from. One good sign – Brad is on to her. How do I know? He used his signature move to combat crazies – making her wait for the VERY LAST ROSE as if to say, “Hey psycho, get it under control or you’re out of here.”

I also love the subtle praying mantis imagery ABC uses this episode. Is this a hint that next episode Michelle will have her way with Brad in a fantasy suite and then bite his head off? They did say this is the most shocking season of The Bachelor ever.

Last comment, did you know her last name is Money? Given the news that came out about her and Carlos Boozer, it seems very appropriate.

Check out some video of Michelle acting all awkward and nuts.

Chantal – Bless your heart Chantal. We’re still on the group date phase of the show and you’re already professing your LOVE. Not I like you or I’m falling for you. No we’re talking full-on I Love You. The L-word is enough to scare a guy you’ve been dating for months and she’s dropping it on their second (or third?) one-on-one date. I mean, we’re only like 5 episodes into the season and she’s dropping L bombs. The worst part is that she doesn’t just let it slip out, she keeps saying it over and over and over again. At one point my secondary embarrassment got so strong that I instinctively yelled at the TV “STOP SAYING IT!” Seriously, my skin was crawling, I had to cover my eyes and almost curled up into the fetal position. We’re talking about one of the most intense secondary embarrassment panic attacks of all time. It’s almost too hard to even write about.

I see you.

I feel for Chantal. She isn’t totally unhinged (she’s learning to keep it under control – the rose trick worked) and seems semi-normal, albeit pretty bossy and kind of a show-off, at times. But c’mon – you cannot just start dropping I Love You’s left and right this early in the season. I guess she’s hoping that by telling him she loves him, he’ll feel more inclined to protect her from the monkey attacks Michelle is conjuring up.

Okay, my lunch (lean cuisine and a banana, WOOF) break is over. More to come later tonight. Feel free to share your own personal SE. Makes me feel like i’m not alone :)

Stay tuned!

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Good News on this dreary Monday. Bachelor Pad Season 2: Confirmed!

Found this little gem on The Hollywood Gossip and knew I had to share it with all you Bachelor/Bachelorette voyeurs.
Let’s be real, you know you’re watching this season of The Bachelor making your picks for who will be a star on Bachelor Pad 2 – i’m definitely putting all my money on Michelle for the role of crazy (a la Elizabeth and that other weird Michelle) and Ashley S. for the role of  annoying sweet girl (a la Tenley).

At this point, I think the role of The Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons is for casting (and filling the time between seasons of) Bachelor Pad. Enough babbling, here’s the story.

Bachelor Pad Season 2: Confirmed!

January 29th, 2011 4:22 PM by Free Britney

Tags: The BachelorBachelor Pad

Despite fans’ lukewarm reaction and critics’ mediocre reviews (at best), ABC is totally running back Bachelor Pad a second time this summer.

Casting will begin at a party this very weekend.

“If you’re on the invite, then you’re in the running to become a contestant onBachelor Pad,” a source said of the sexy reality star gathering.

A Vienna Girardi and Jake Pavelka Pic

Please, let these two idiots be among the new cast members

Next Entertainment, the production company that owns The Bachelor, Bacheloretteand Bachelor Pad, is assembling as many as 65 BP hopefuls.

The invite bringing the castoffs from past seasons together promises an open bar, suggests cocktail attire, and is an on-camera event itself.

Everyone has to sign a waiver of release so they can be on camera and they plan to air footage on The Bachelor‘s “The Women Tell All.”

“The producers are trying to pick their characters and come up with the cryer, the drunk and the angry contestant,” said an inside source.

Lucky Bachelor Pad winners Dave Good and Natalie Getz won the $250,000 prize in the first season of the show, which aired last summer.

Despite a shaky, nonsensical premise and an oddball cast of characters, the season featured plenty of drama, tears and bed hopping.

In other words, good enough to make it work.

“I’m sure they will be shooting in the Spring again, though there are no definite dates,” said the source of Bachelor Pad’s second season.

Sounds plain awesome. These people definitely need another 15 minutes. We’ll pass along any Bachelor spoilers (and Pad spoilers) we hear.

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snookin for love at the jersey shore

Once again Ron, Sam and their exhausting relationship took center stage. But, i’m thinking you are just as tired of their bulls**t as I am so I am going to skip over most of their storyline. I will give an AMEN to Vinny when he said “I’m pretty sure this is what hell must be like.” Oh, and I did LOVE when The Situation called Sammi out on her constant hair straightening. Girl straightens her hair almost as much as she fights with Ronnie. Sometimes she even combos it and does both at the same time.

On to Snookie. Who I personally cannot get enough of. If they ever get rid of The Jersey Shore (I know, the Horror! I promise I won’t say that again) I would FOR SURE watch a show entirely devoted to Snooks.

Snookie + Tricycle = TV Gold (Photo by MTV)

Poor Snooks – Every time she thinks she’s found a nice, juice head, guido guy something goes awry. So, she’s at Karma and spots an A1 piece of guido meat (I don’t know how hard this actually is because it seems like that’s all there is at the shore, but what would I know.). Snooks uses her trademark ice breaker ” You got a girlfriend?” and as soon as she hears “No” it appears she’s in love. There’s grinding, hand holding and really uncomfortable pen mouth tonguing on the dance floor. In no time, Snookie is leading this juice head back to the house and straight to the smush room.

This is where I got some serious SE. First off, the night vision camera personally creeps me out. Everyone looks like a beady-eyed alien and at the shore house, everyone looks like a drunk, horny, beady-eyed alien. Gross. Then after an awkward straddle shot, Snooks announces Aunt Flo is in the house and she actually is not DTF (if you don’t know what this means, ask a friend.Explaining it gives me big time SE.). Double Gross. Bummer for Snooks, Ole Dude (I don’t remember his name.) will not be getting the Golden Ticket, as Deena so eloquently calls it.

At this exact time, the drunk Oompa Loompa that is Deena, is down the hall giving her Golden Ticket to one of Ron’s “real nice” friends. I’m sure Ron has tons of real nice friends looking for an easy Golden Ticket. This story line was the worst in a episode chock full of awesomeness so this is all you’ll get.

You were engaged? WAAAAAAHHH (Photo by MTV)

Cue the morning and it looks like Snook has found a real winner. He gives the stripper pole a go and even agrees to day filled with carnival rides and drinking (ps – if you know me and my love of all things carnivals, you’ll know that I am a little jealous of their proximity to a 24-7 amusement park.)  Then ole  dude drops the bomb that he WAS engaged and Snookie freaks out. I’m not quite sure why though? This time ole dude WAS engaged. Now, I don’t understand why Snooks got all freaked out about this. I think the day drinking may have played a role here. So Snooks kicks him to the curb and heads home.

Here is where I will wax poetic on how awesome Pauly D is – I heart him. His fake answering machine bit made the episode for me. I also just love how protective he is of Snookers. What I don’t love is that crazy stalker bia who shares my name. She does a disgrace to all Danielle’s out there. I mean c’mon girl, have a little dignity. The dude called you out as being a CRAZY PSYCHO stalker last season. Then you stalk him again at the club and throw a drink on him. Then you fake being scared so he’ll talk to you, give you a hug and invite you back to the house. Where, once you arrive, every roommates ridicules you while you just sit there and take it. She must be seriously in love with Pauly D (I know, what’s not to love). So crazy. So So crazy. Which is why I hope she continues to make appearances on the show and Vinny continues to make up corny jokes highlighting what a stalker, stage 5 clinger she is.

I heart Pauly D. (Photo by MTV)

As I write this post and fondly reflect on Episode 19, I realize I am leaving out some serious highlights. Namely, Ron’s trip to the doctor and the girls outing at the stripper store.

Woof. (Photo by MTV)

1. Ron’s trip to the doc. – Could this have been any more embarrassing. Isn’t there a health clause in their contracts allowing them to duck the camera crews when they have to get their booty holes checked out? As I watched I felt like I was committing a HIPPA violation. There is only one word to describe that segment – WOOF. So gross, so awkward, so uncomfortable and so unnecessary. You think after having an a-hole issue, Sam could have laid off him for a little bit. But of course not, not even with an achy a-hole will end their arguing.

Do my boobs look too big in this? (Photo by MTV)

2. Girls trip to the Stripper Store. – First off, they get drunk before going (or at least Snooky is drunk). Then they try on some of the sluttiest outfits/costumes they have. Can we talk about how JWOWW wears stripper costumes as going-out outfits? I guess with a rack like that, it’s all that really fits. But seriously – the stripper store is not Bebe or Rave or wherever shore girls by their going-out clothes. Or maybe it is. Either way, I love that Snookie wore her slutty baseball player outfit right out of the store. Classic Snooks.

All in all, this episode was great and full of some, sure to be classic Jersey Shore moments. And, get excited, next week’s preview shows Sam leaving. Like actually leaving in a car. Now, could this be another MTV fake-out? Yes. Am I hoping it’s not so we can focus more on grenades, Pauly D, making out in clubs, Pauly D family dinners, Pauly D, the smush room, Pauly D and Deena’s horrible taste in life? Yes, yes, yes.

Until then… stay tuned!

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