Monthly Archives: January 2011

better late than never … never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.

Why oh why couldn’t Ronnie have taken his own advice and never let little Sammi Sweethaaart steal his juice head, guido heart?

Instead, we have to painfully watch their time-bomb of a relationship tick down every Thursday at 10. Because I am so late in getting this post up, i’m just going to post my 5 reasons why Sam & Ron are destined for doom or a life of fights, make-up smushing and more fights.

1. The Punch Heard Round the Shore - If you are compelled to punch your man in the face, you all are probably not a match made in heaven.

Mama done knocked you out. Photo by MTV

2. Crying… and then more crying – If your relationship makes you weep like a little boy who’s puppy was just run over, you may want to reevaluate. (My SE levels were off the charts with all of Ron’s weeping. Really any sort of awkward on-camera crying makes me uncomfortable. ) What are his boys gonna say about all that sobbing? C’mon Ron – big boys don’t or at least shouldn’t cry.

3. X-Rated Name Calling – Ron, you have called your lady the C word. Sam, you have told your man you hate him among other things. This are not things people who deeply love each other say. Well I take that back. People who love each other do say things like that but they definitely shouldn’t say things like that. Not a good sign of a strong relationship either way.

4. Sam + Ron = No Fun

You all go to the club and talk to one another, which inevitably leads to a fight. You all go to the club and talk to other people, which inevitably leads to a fight. You all decide not to go to the club, which inevitably leads to a fight. Do you see a pattern here?

Cry me a River Photo by MTV

5. If by love you mean hate – After watching the train wreck that is Ron & Sam for over 2 seasons, I just don’t see a glimmer of hope for these two. Every time you think they’ve turned the corner, you find them in the corner of the club fighting. So much fighting. I am exhausted by their fighting, aren’t they?

Other notes on “Punch Drunk Love”

  • Love that JWOWW has brought her dogs to the shore house. I can see some fun story lines involving Snooki or Pauly D and these pooches.
  • Does anyone else wish Ryder was the new roomie instead of Deena? Ryder is way more fun and clearly everyone loves her. The weird noises she makes alone warrant her a place in the house.
  • If you don’t love Pauly D we cannot be friends.
  • That girl that Vinny brought home was WACK. Tell your crazy family to back up off it.

    Photo by MTV

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College Game Day SE

Up until now this blog has focused solely on television SE but this morning, completely by chance, I stumbled on some of the worst sports SE I’ve ever had. Thank you Digger Phelps for ruining my morning coffee.

I could go on, but I’ll just let the video speak for itself. Consider yourself warned –  this video includes old white man dancing.

Pay special attention around the 40 second mark.

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so wait, this actually happens. – Real Housewives of Atlanta

Good to know.

One question though – is Peter drunk in this picture (as the season finale preview suggests)?

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surgery, insecurity and insults Oh My! – Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I was excited for this reunion show. How could I not be? These women are insanely rich, incredibly amusing and completely over the top (ie – ridiculous). I thought they would bring all of that to the reunion. While they did bring examples of their insane wealth with their designer dresses and LeBoutins – there was a strong lack of drama. Despite that, there was still a steady stream of SE. Mostly through the countless awkward silences.

Because who doesn't love Andy & Jiggy?

Rather than focus on one singular moment of SE – this post is a collection of my gut reactions to their vapidness. Consider yourself warned. (oh and if you haven’t watched the special – this will probably make little to no sense.)

So Andy gets the ball rolling with a great viewer question. ” You all know the price of a Gucci purse but do you know how much is a gallon of costs?” I’ve never seen six women look so confused.

On to Taylor’s daughter Kennedy’s 4th Birthday party costing $60,000. Yes, $60K. Taylor knows it was ridiculous, Lisa tells her its ridiculous. Taylor’s frozen face struggles to make an expression. End of discussion. (Boring)

Wait this party isn't for me?

After some minor discussion on how big Lisa’s “good family house”  is (17,000 sq. ft!!!!), Andy FINALLY gets to the segment on how much America hates Camille Grammar.

The EXTENSIVE list of words used to describe Camille that Andy just read may have given me the worst secondary embarrassment ever. My stomach just got a knot. Not for feeling bad for her, but for the fact that Andy had to read it out loud to her.   “Insecure, vapid, passive aggressive, narcissistic, catty , jealous, cruel, hypocritical, self-absorbed, manipulative, fake, insincere, delusional.”

How is Camille so clueless on why all of America (and any other country they show this gem of reality tv on) has a negative impression of her? I mean, c’mon Camille – you talk about yourself, your movie star (EX) husband, how fabulous you are, how much everyone is jealous of you and your weird married man-boyfriend all the time! On top of that your kids each have two nannies and you have a house manager. There is absolutely NOTHING relateable or likable about you.

Uh oh.  Taylor just referenced people hiding behind their computer writing negative words. I guess that means me. Oh well, moving on.

The segment on Camille goes on waaaaay too long and is serving up a severe case of SE. I almost had to change the channel when Camille started talk about her “soft-core” movies on Skin-imax. But Andy and Kyle make it all better when she calls her out on the “morally corrupt” comment she made about Kyle during the awkward electronic cigarette episode. If you’re filming “soft-core” movies I don’t think you have any right to be making judgments on (cat-faced) Faye Resnick’s Playboy spread. Pot, meet Kettle.

See for yourself here…

http://widget.bravotv.com/singleclip/singleclip_v1.swf?CXNID=1000004.10035NXC&WID=4657041ec2a2cf53&clipID=1277536

On a totally unrelated note, did you know that Kyle appeared in an episode of Beverly Hills 90201? Love it! Check it out on her IMDB profile.

Does anyone else agree that Kelsey Grammar is incredibly awkward in his confessionals? Never looks at the camera, has an odd grin on his face the whole time and is dressed like a gay sailor.

Now I love Adrienne Maloof as much as the next obsessed reality tv watcher, but we’ve got to get to a juicier segment. This show’s been on for almost 20 minutes and not one single fight. This is a disappointment to the franchise.

(5 -10 minutes later) Ok here we go, Kim & Taylor segment! First comes the video recap.  Bravo is seriously the best network ever. I love how they do the picture in picture on the replays. It’s like the coaches challenge in football only WAY better.

So the fight between Kim & Taylor turns out to be pretty lame other than that cringe-worthy wink Taylor gave Kim. Usually i’m a huge fan of a wink of any kind but this one just gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Cut to a shot of Adrienne who I think has had SE all season long. Bless her heart (I was going to say Poor Thing but it just didn’t seem to fit).

I feel like this re-cap is running a little long so I am just going to bullet points the rest of my personal highlights.

  • How many awkward silences did this special have – at least 5. They make me so uncomfortbale. I think Andy has SE too and it is hindering his ability to do his job hosting. 
  • Lisa is AMAZING.  I think she should just narrate all the Real Housewives from here on out.  Think about Lisa narrating Atlanta or New Jersey.  Oh Darling, it would be mar vah lous.
  • I love how Lisa called out Taylor and Kyle for holding hands at dinner. She definitely had some SE that night.  “Don’t you find it irritating when they’re sitting there like this [holding hands].” YES Lisa, I find it ridiculous, childish and quite frankly  WEIRD.
  • TAYLOR’S LIPS. ’nuff said.
  • Adrienne segment. This is gonna be my favorite. I adore Adrienne and Paul. They are the cutest insanely rich people i’ve ever seen. Even better Adrienne finally called out Camille on the “30% busier than everyone else” comment. THANK YOU!
  • Here we go, Kyle & Camille. Thought this was going to be better than it was. Camille tells Kyle “Now everyone in America thinks i’m delusional because of you.” Um, no Camille, everyone in America thinks you’re delusional because YOU ARE delusional.
  • Andy Cohen, being the perfect host that he is, says what everyone is thinking and calls Camille out on her hypocrisy. And then in the perfect close to the show – Camille FINALLY admits to being insecure. All is now right in the world.

Hello Mauricio!

All in all, I was a little disappointed in this reunion special, I do still have high hopes for part 2 though (mostly just keeping my fingers crossed that the do a video recap of how hot Mauricio is).

I think my favorite part of the whole show was the commercial for Bethenny Ever After.

Oh well, I’ve got a episode of Jersey Shore to watch now.

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too much SE for one day.

Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Show on the same night?

What’s a girl to do?

vs.

RHoBH wins tonight. But that just gives me more time to focus on a great Jersey Shore post. Stay tuned!

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real housewives of beverly hills reunion show!

I’m about to settle in to watch the sure to be volatile The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Show (Part 1!!! – there are two parts – this is gonna be great). As long as Camille is there you know there will be some SE. Although now that Kelsey Grammar, her uber-fabulous husband (that is until he left her for a 29 year old flight attendant), is out of the picture she may not be as big of a self-righteous bia… But that is doubtful.

Oh Kelsey!

Let the catfights begin!

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it is not okay to tell someone you will poke their eyes out.

So, here it is – my first post on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I know I am a little behind on getting to the “Floridon’t” episode but better late than never.
First off, screaming on TV automatically makes me recoil. This is why I hate The View, Around the Horn and anything involving members of opposite political parties. So this episode of RHoA started off bad for me on multiple levels, not only was there screaming but screaming in a confined space.

You know it's bad when fingers are raised

You know it's bad when fingers are raised.

Now normally Kim is the source of 99% of the SE on this show but on this one, I am going to put aside my embarrassment over her awful wigs and take her side. Yes, she probably should be a little nicer to her assistant Sweetie (and yes, that name is a whole other blog post just waiting to happen) but Nene calling her a slave was a little much. As Sweetie put it so eloquently a little later in the episode, “Slaves don’t get paid b**ch.” Mostly, I think Nene is just looking for chances to yell and point her finger.

Nene – you are not Kim’s mother. I know you said yourself that you are a “grown-ass woman.” Well, most grown-ass women that I know don’t go around getting into screaming matches every time they see a gold digger in a wig. I’m also pretty sure grown-ass women don’t tell people they will choke them, strangle them (I know it’s the same thing but if Nene can use them separately, then so can I), smack them or poke their eyes out. No I am not making that up – she really said she will poke her eyes out.

Then in the confessional, she says “When I get up in Kim’s face, it’s sort of like i’m chastising a child. Like you would do your two-year-old – you get down to their level, you look them in the eye and say ‘Mommy is not playing with you.'” Wait, hold on, my kid isn’t two-years-old yet but I do know that when he is I will not be threatening to choke, strangle and/or poke his eyes out (well hopefully not – just kidding! no need to set a reminder to call CPS in two years).

And in the biggest moment of SE for me – in the first ten minutes of the show – was when Nene starts being a giant biatch in front of that weird friend of Kim’s who lets these crazy ladies stay in his palatial Miami estate. Yeah it may be frighteningly odd that he has a giant giraffe, stuffed dog and assorted items from Spencer’s but he’s still letting you stay in his giant, oceanfront house because he’s “friends” with Kim. So take a break from being the giant brontosaurus you are and be nice to ole Thomas Krammar i.s – don’t say “I can’t believe you are friends with this b**ch” when you are introduced.  I mean, really, you are a “grown-ass woman” so show some manners. And I thought people in Atlanta were supposed to be sweet and genteel.

I’m sure I could write for days on this episode but I’ll leave it at this. When Sheree is the voice of reason – there is a problem. Also someone needs to save Kandi from this show.

Is Kandi alive?

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